


Pandemonium Is Burning

by headasexual



Series: It's Pandemonium [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - Mundane, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Closeted Alec Lightwood, Coming Out, Drag Queen Magnus Bane, Drag Queens, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Pandemonium Club (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Past Character Death, Smoking, Top Magnus Bane, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25004521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headasexual/pseuds/headasexual
Summary: Punk rock drummer and total closet case Alec Lightwood meets Magnus Bane: Club Owner, Dance Instructor, and Mother Superior."'Mother Superior'? What does that even mean?"Set during the 1980s in New York City. After watching the classic documentary 'Paris is Burning', I had one thought that got stuck in my head: "What could be better and bring me a little more joy in 2020 than Magnus Bane dancing in high heels?"
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Maryse Lightwood/Robert Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood/Raphael Santiago
Series: It's Pandemonium [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822459
Comments: 64
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1: Who's That Girl?

**Author's Note:**

> (7/17/2020) So I decided to write my first creative work in a very long time. It's been nearly a decade since I posted any creative writing online and, like most people, I've been feeling pretty down lately. I was supposed to be working on my dissertation for my MA for the past couple of weeks, but, whoops, I wrote this instead. It's literally six times the length that my dissertation is supposed to be and ten times longer than I imagined it would become. I had more fun working on this than I have had in a long time, to the point it makes me wonder what I'm trying to do in academia at all. It has been incredibly cathartic for me to write and has helped immensely with my mood, though I can't deny how incredibly sad I am that it's done.   
> It deals with some pretty heavy themes like family rejection, AIDS, police brutality, and homophobia, all things I know shouldn't come up in a fic with as much fluff and silliness as I put in here, but I wanted to explore ideas around bigotry, police violence, and an epidemic that has been poorly handled by the government. I wonder why, in 2020, I could possibly want to try to process my feelings on those sorts of things! As tough as some of the subject matters are, I promise that this thing ends with tooth-aching fluff and sweetness. 
> 
> Content warning: casual homophobia, slurs, anti-gay violence.

Alec walked behind the group and watched as Jace put his arm around Clary. He pursed his mouth, annoyed about this woman, this little girl. _She’s ruining everything_. Jace was his best friend, but now that he’s started seeing her, the whole dynamic of the group has shifted.

He knew that Jace was straight. In his brain, he knew. He’d seen Jace with plenty of girls, drunken kisses with women he barely remembered the next day or clumsy fumblings with girls who would scramble out of their shared apartment the next morning. But with Clary, all of a sudden he’s besotted and spending every spare moment with her.

It used to be just the trio, him, Jace, and Izzy, sometimes whoever Izzy happened to be fucking at the time. Now all of a sudden their three bedroom flat had four living in it. _She doesn’t even look like she belongs with us_.

Jace had always been a trendsetter. It was him who picked up a guitar at 12, stolen a leather jacket when he was 13, and got a tattoo at 15. Alec, always, _always_ , wanting to follow him, begged for a drum kit from his parents, worked a part-time job to get the money to buy a second-hand jacket from the Salvation Army, and went to a parlor on his 18th birthday to get a striking protection symbol tattooed on his neck. Their parents had been through the roof over, in some ways they still were furious, but slowly they’ve at least begun talking again. Izzy, ever loyal to her big brother, fought mercilessly with their parents over everything, but always was forgiven for her “indiscretions” as their mother put it, whereas they were always stricter and more punishing over Alec’s “mistakes.”

_“Heavy is the head who wears the crown, big brother,” Izzy teased after Alec got off of a terse call with their mother._

_“Easy to say for you. You can do no wrong,” Alec complained. She rolled her eyes._

_“You’re the first, the oldest, the favorite. That’s why they’re like this.”_

_At least I still have Izzy and Jace_ was what Alec used to think before this prissy ballerina joined.

_“Alec!” Jace cried with a huge grin, clasping Alec’s shoulders. “I found us a singer!”_

Alec was annoyed. She had pipes for sure and had the looks to lure in listeners, _but did she have to lure in Jace as well?_

The whole thing put him in a foul mood. Watching them walk ahead, looking like a proper couple. It had made him look forward to the shots he planned on taking at the club before the show. Clary’s best friend met them there with their instruments, but there was no room in the van for all five of them and all of their kit, so Izzy went with whatever-his-name-is in the van while Jace, Clary, and Alec took the M line. He kept it together enough so that he was only buzzed during the show and but was still pissed enough that he broke more sticks during the performance than he had hoped to. If nothing else, beating on the drums helped him get out some of the aggression he’d been feeling. Nothing was quite like the burning feeling of his muscles straining and the pounding beat he felt pumping through him as he played. He was still just about covered in sweat when Jace and Clary, hanging off of each other and slightly swaying from the euphoria of the show and the drinks, said that they were going to go home. Annoyed, Alec decided to join them on the walk, something he was sorely regretting as he heard them whispering and giggling to each other on the walk back to the station.

_At least it’s cool outside_.

“You know what,” Alec called, Jace and Clary turning their heads to look at him. “I forgot that I’m out of smokes. I’m going to stop and grab a pack. I’ll see you guys back at home.”

Clary looked up at Jace, who was nodding and failing to conceal a smirk. “Alright man, don’t stay out too late though. Y’know the trains take forever to come after 11.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alec said dismissively, turning back to the club. He was pretty sure he saw a vending machine back at the club, Pandemonium. He heard their footsteps and laughter fade into the distance as he trekked back and the music inside the club grow louder. 

About 30 feet from the entrance he heard a scuffle, barely audible over the sounds of the club, and a shout of “ _faggot!”_ from the alleyway. On instinct and the remnants of liquid courage from before the show, he moved toward the sounds. In the alley next to the club were two men, one armed with a knife and the other with his hands up ready to fight. Alec could see they hadn’t noticed him yet, so he grabbed a rock off the ground and hurled it at the man with a knife, which hit him square in the head and made him fall to the ground.

The unarmed man lowered his fists and said, “Well done.” 

He turned to Alec and he could see that the man was a well-dressed Asian man, his dark blue jacket seeming to glimmer in the darkness with silver thread and black eyeshadow flecked with glitter. His appearance and the look in his eye caught Alec off-guard, making him suddenly unsure of what to do with his hands.

“More like medium rare,” Alec joked, feeling lame the second it came out of his mouth, but the man just smiled before grabbing the knife from the man’s hand and pocketing it. He turned and fully faced Alec.

“I’m Magnus,” he said walking towards Alec. “I don't think we've been introduced?”

“Alec,” he replied, feeling a goofy grin come over his face. _What am I doing?_ From the alleyway, he heard the man groan.

“Lovely to meet you, Alec. Why don’t we go inside and rejoin the party? I’m not particularly interested in dealing with the unpleasantness out here anymore.”

He put his hand on his lower back and led him back into Pandemonium. 

“Uh, should we call the cops or something?” Alec asked looking back to where the man was beginning to stumble to his feet. 

Magnus shrugged, then nodded to the bouncers as they walked back inside, “I’d prefer not to. The last thing I want is for him to ruin my night with paperwork. Can I get you a drink?”

He nodded at one of the bartenders and held up two fingers with the hand that wasn’t touching Alec. “After all,” he said, leading Alec up a set of stairs to a balcony view of the dancefloor, “I have to pay back my hero somehow.”

Alec could feel heat coming up his neck and onto his cheeks, and was thankful for the colorful lighting inside the club. “I’m--uh--not really a--I just couldn’t stand by if someone is being threatened.”

Magnus smiled and waved his hand at one of the couches for Alec to sit. “Just like a true hero. Come, stay with me awhile. I want to get to know the man who couldn’t just stand by.”

Just as he sat down, the bartender came up with two martini glasses. Magnus smiled and slipped her a note from his suit jacket before sitting beside him and handing him the drink. He held up his glass to clink it to Alec’s.

“To us,” Magnus declared. Alec couldn’t help but give a small smile before tapping his glass to Magnus’. He took a sip and tried not to grimace. It was more bitter than he had anticipated and burned as strong as a shot.

“It’s good,” Alec lied, seemingly amusing Magnus who chuckled in response.

“So,” Magnus began, “tell me about yourself. Not everyday that a strapping young pup like yourself comes to defend my honor.”

Alec looked down nervously into his glass of mystery cocktail before looking back up to Magnus’ intense gaze. _It feels like I’m being x-rayed and he can see everything_.

“I--uh--was playing in the band tonight.” 

Magnus looked pleasantly surprised. “Really? You were quite good. What were you doing outside?”

“Thanks,” Alec said with a smile. “I was actually starting to head back to the station when I decided to come back to buy a pack of smokes.”

At that, Magnus reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a cigarette case. He flipped it open and offered one to Alec. He took it with a small “Thank you,” and before he could begin to search for his matches, Magnus flipped open a lighter and held out the flame. Alec searched Magnus’ face for a moment, trying to understand his calm gaze but reaching no conclusions, before leaning in and lighting the cigarette hanging from his lips. Magnus then pulled out another cigarette and lit it for himself. 

“Then I have the Marlboro Man to thank for my rescue,” Magnus said as he blew out a cloud of smoke.

Alec smiled at that and said, “More of a Camel guy myself, but I guess, yeah.”

Alec wanted to kick himself, he felt so stupid trying to talk to him, but Magnus’ eyes crinkled together as he smiled. “So where’s home, Alec?”

Alec liked the way Magnus’ mouth moved when he said his name. _What is in this drink?_

“Williamsburg. I live with my bandmates. My sister, my best friend, and now his girlfriend,” Alec replied before he took another sip of his drink.

“Must be intense,” Magnus said as he crossed his legs and flicked his ash into the tray on the small table in front of them, “Living together, working together, and being family.”  
Alec nodded, “Yeah, but we all love each other. Jace and I have been as close as brothers since we were kids and my sister is amazing.”

“And the girlfriend?”

Alec looked carefully at Magnus, but he gave no indication of judgement or malice. _Did I give it away? Or can he really see through me?_

“Clary is okay. She’s a good singer. I...was apprehensive at having her join the band since the first time I met her she was just some dancer that Jace was seeing.”

That seemed to really catch Magnus’ attention. “Dancer?”

Alec took a long drag of his cigarette and said, “Yeah, she does ballet or something.”

“At Fairchild Studios?”

Alec shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t know. Not really my scene.” 

Magnus’ eyes were right on him. _When did he get so close?_ “And what is your ‘scene’?” 

Alec couldn’t help but look away and downed the rest of his drink. “I--I--it’s--we’re kind of a mix between punk and rock. You heard us, not so much like Van Halen or The Ramones, but mixing together everything we love about the genre.”

Magnus shook his head and set down his own empty glass. _Wrong answer, I guess._

“Alright, Alec, my not-a-hero and man of mystery,” he said as he leaned back on the couch. Alec stamped out what was left of his smoke and smoothed his hands over his jeans.

“I--uh--should be heading back soon. I told the guys I was only going to stop in and grab a pack to go.”

“How are you getting home? Last thing I would want is to get saved by some dashing man in the night just to have him get into a car crash.”

“The M line. Gets me close enough home that I can walk a good chunk of it.”

Magnus looked at his wrist and tapped the face of his watch. “It’s after midnight. The next train won’t be in for another hour.”

That startled Alec. _Where did the time go?_ He didn’t usually get so caught up in talking to people that he completely lost track of the time.

“You know,” Magnus said, “my place is just around the corner from the station. We can go there, have another drink.”

He looked hopeful and Alec felt mesmerized by this strange, glamorous man. He nodded, making Magnus stand with a smile before offering up his hand to Alec. “Let’s be on our way then!”

***

Alec woke to a stream of warm sunlight beaming on his face. His legs were up higher than they should have been and his neck and back felt uncomfortable. He winced, looking around. _Where am I?_

“Good morning.”

Alec nearly jumped out of his skin. Eyes bleary but searching, he saw Magnus standing next to him, in a silk robe with a cup and saucer in hand. Magnus held out the cup. “Coffee?”

Alec sat up, rubbing his face.

“What happened last night?”

“Oh,” Magnus said, sitting down next to Alec who moved a foot away from him as he sat. “We stayed up for a while talking, having a few drinks, and fell asleep out here.” Magnus looked at Alec, who must have looked horrified. “On separate couches.”

Alec felt relieved, and he stood up, ignoring the mild dizziness that came with the action.

“Going so soon? Are you sure you don’t want a coffee?” Magnus asked, not moving from his spot.

“No--I--I gotta go.” Alec rubbed his neck nervously, “Look, I really don’t…”  
“Alexander,” Magnus said soothingly, “it’s alright. I understand.”

He leaned over and grabbed something off of the coffee table before standing up and walking over to Alec. He held out a card and smiled. “Take this. Call me some time.”

Alec grabbed the card without looking at it and nodded before turning around and walking out the door. He let out a shaky breath as he closed the door behind him. His mind was racing and his stomach was churning as he walked to the station with all of the early morning commuters. As he stood at the station, he finally looked at the card in his hand. It wasn’t like any business card he had ever seen, with a black background and the word **PANDEMONIUM** on one side in a multicolored block font on one side and on the other:

**Magnus Bane  
** **Club Owner / Dance Instructor / Mother Superior**   
**+1 212 555 1955**

_Who did I sleep with last night?_


	2. Chapter 2: Holding Out For A Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: casual homophobia, slurs.

As he walked into the apartment, he saw his sister already up with a cup of coffee in hand and reading one of those trashy magazines she loved so much. She perked up when he walked past her to the Mr. Coffee.

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Izzy said, jumping up with a huge smile on her face. “Nice to see someone else doing the walk of shame for once!”

“Good morning to you too,” he said as he reached into the cup cupboard and pulled down a mug.

“Where were you last night? You said you were going home with Jace and Clary, then you’re nowhere to be seen when I get home!”

“I went back to the club. Meant to buy a pack, but then I ran into a guy who was getting mugged.”

Izzy looked at him shocked, “What! What do you mean, ‘ran into a guy getting mugged’?”

Alec shrugged as he pulled out the carton of whole milk from the fridge and splashed some into his coffee. “I threw a rock at the mugger and the guy bought me a few rounds. It got late, I ended up crashing on the couch at his place.”

Izzy wiggled her eyebrows and said, “Nothing else?”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Stop it, Isabelle. Nothing happened. He needed help and just wanted to thank me,  _ that’s all _ .”

Izzy shrugged. “Alright then, Hero. Sounds pretty romantic to me though.”

Alec sat at their beat up old table, closed his eyes, and sipped his coffee.  _ Yuban has always been my favorite. I wonder what Magnus drinks? Probably something fancy if he’s a ‘mother superior’, whatever that means. _ He furrowed his brows as he felt something hard in his pocket pressing against his leg. He reached under the table and pulled it out. In his hand was a polished silver box about the size of a pack of cards. 

“Fancy,” Izzy said as she sat across from him. “What is it?”

Along one of the sides was a small button. Alec pressed it and the case opened to reveal cigarettes. He looked at them and saw a little brown camel dyed into the wrap paper above the filter.  _ Camel Lights. My favorite. _ He pulled one out and brought it between his lips before snapping the case closed and walking out with his coffee onto the tiny balcony attached to the living room. Izzy hates when Jace and Alec smoke inside, so one of the stipulations of getting the place was that they would have somewhere outside where they could smoke. He pulled out his pack of matches and lit the cigarette, taking a long drag as he examined the foreign case. It was completely smooth, with rounded corners and no adornments. He turned it over in his hands and remembered last night.

_ “Shit,” Alec said, patting the pockets of his jeans. Magnus laughed, drink on the verge of spilling. _

_ “What on earth are you doing, Alexander?” _

_ Alec looked up at him, goofy grin on his face. “I completely forgot. I’m out, I was gonna buy smokes at the club.” _

_ Magnus looked at him slyly, then walked over to the jacket he had hung by the door as he had entered into the apartment. From there, he pulled out a familiar tan and brown box. _

_ “I snuck over to the machine when you weren’t looking. You said ‘Camel’, I hope you like Camel Lights. They were out of Filters.” _

_ Alec opened his mouth and held out his hand to accept the package. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” _ _   
_ _ Magnus waved his hand and said, “Nonsense. In fact!”  _

_ He jumped up and scurried into another room, coming back with a hand behind his back and grabbing the pack out of Alec’s hand. He sat beside him and opened up the pack, handing Alec the Camel Cash before revealing what was in his other hand. _

_ “I always hate how inelegant these paper packs are. So flimsy, sit down with the pack in your pocket once and the whole thing is ruined,” he said as he flipped open a small silver case, lifting up the metal tabs and placing the cigarettes inside. Once he had filled the case, he snapped it closed and offered it to Alec. He shook his head and held his hands up. _

_ “No, now that is too generous, I can’t accept that.” _

_ Magnus smirked, before taking Alec’s hand and placing the case in it. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is an old spare of mine, I never use it. At least if you have it, then it’s not just taking up space here. You would be doing me a favor by taking it.” _

_ Magnus looked at him through his lashes, the glitter in his eyeshadow glinting in the soft light of his apartment. “Please, be my hero again, Alexander Lightwood.” _

He was taken out of it when he heard the door open behind him. He ashed into the old ash tray they kept out on the balcony. Jace clasped him on the shoulder.    
“Hey man, I didn’t hear you come home last night!”

Alec scoffed and said, “As if you would’ve. I’m sure you were plenty preoccupied.”

Jace let out a quick chuckle, “Sure was. Can I bum one off you?”

“Why ask me all the time when we both know that you never buy your own?” Alec said as he flipped open the case and held it open for him. Jace’s face twisted in amused confusion.   
“Where on earth did you get that?” he asked as he slipped one from under the metal tab that held the cigarettes in place.

“A friend,” Alec simply answered. Jace rolled his eyes at that.

“Like you have other friends. But fine, be mysterious. I think the show went pretty well. Apparently Izzy got a call from some guy at the club or whatever. Pandemonium said they’d like to book us again.”

Alec raised his eyebrows and snapped the case closed with one hand and slipped it back into the pocket he found it in. “Really?”

“Yeah, said the owner loved us and wants us to play again next week.”

Alec’s eyes widened but he just cleared his throat before taking another puff.

Jace huffed out a laugh and said, “You don’t seem excited. This is good news! This is, like, the first call back we’ve ever gotten so soon after a gig. Perk up!”

“No!” Alec said, voice cracking before he cleared his throat again, “No, I am. Happy. This is really good, just a little surprised is all. I didn’t really think we were the crowd’s...scene.”

Jace shrugged, “Hey, I don’t judge. Fags can like rock too. Just look at Freddie Mercury.”

Alec winced, but then smiled and shrugged at his friend. “That they can. When did they say exactly?”

“Thursday, same time. Maybe we could work in some songs that kinda crowd would like, y’know do an arrangement for Got To Be Real or Pull Up To The Bumper or somethin’.”

“Yeah, that’s--uh--good idea. They’d like that, probably,” Alec said, finishing off one last drag then smooshing his butt into the glass of the ashtray. “I can start work on that tonight and we can go to the practice hall tomorrow to test out how they sound.”

Jace smiled and said, “Great! I knew I could count on you for that kinda stuff. You’re the best, man.”

Alec patted him on the shoulder as he walked back inside and into his room. He threw himself onto his bed and took a deep breath. He pulled out his wallet and looked at the card again.

**Magnus Bane** **  
** **Club Owner / Dance Instructor / Mother Superior** **  
** **+1 212 555 1955**

_ The owner loved us _ .

***

The next day Alec dragged Jace to Kinkos to print some copies of the new music sheets he drew up last night.

_ “If you want us to do these songs, the least you could do is pay for them,” Alec told him after he had finished the arrangements for a few songs he thought might do well at the club. Jace rolled his eyes. _

_ “Fine. But we’ve gotta pick up Clary from her studio after. She hates when I’m late.” _

Alec sat on the floor of Clary’s friend’s stripped out van. The windows were all blacked out and there was a curtain separating the front two seats from the back, so hopefully no cops would decide to pull them over and see that there weren’t even any seats for him to be buckled into and give the guy a ticket.  _ Cops’ll ticket you for anything these days _ .

He braced himself as the guy slowed down to a stop in front of the studio. He opened up the back door and hopped out. He looked up and saw the sign for the dance studio Clary goes to and tilted his head, trying to remember.  _ ‘Fairchild Studios’? Where have I heard that name before? _ He slammed the doors closed then followed the other two inside. 

“C’mon,” Jace said, beckoning them up the stairs. “The room Clary practices in is up here.”

Walking up and going past a few doors, they finally reach studio room 6. Alec peered through the glass window in the door and saw a group of mostly women crowded around someone, seeming to be asking some last minute questions of the instructor before shuffling out. Clary’s friend eyed the women up and down as they left, then wiggle his brows at Alec, who sneered in response.  _ Pig. _

Jace walked into the room like he’d done it a million times before to where Clary was chatting with her instructor. What’s-his-name and Alec followed behind, then Alec stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes caught the instructor’s.  _ The card… _

**Magnus Bane** ****  
**Club Owner / Dance Instructor / Mother Superior** **  
** **+1 212 555 1955**

_ Great. I thought I had at least a week to get ready to see him _ . Alec gave him a lame little wave. Magnus smiled that dazzling smile of his.

“Alexander! I thought I knew Clary when you mentioned her before!”

The other three turned to him with varying looks of bafflement or amusement on their faces.

Clary sweetly smiled, “It’s such an amazing coincidence! Magnus said you saved him from some psycho the other night after the show.”

Jace furrowed his brows, then his face broke out into a smile. “What? You didn’t tell me that!” 

Magnus smiled, eyes never moving from Alec, “Yes, the brother of an old friend accosted me outside the club with a knife. Suddenly, Alexander swooped in and nailed him with a rock. He saved my life.”

What’s-his-name clasped Alec on the shoulder. “Huh, never pegged you for the humble type. Little did I know, I’ve been driving a hero around the city!”

Alec shrugged his hand off of him then huffed and muttered, “I wish people would quit calling me that.”

“Well,” Magnus said, clapping his hands together, “this has been lovely. My next class is starting soon so I need to prepare for them, but I look forward to seeing you all perform again next week.”

Clary excitedly said, “I had no clue he owned Pandemonium when we booked the gig!”

Jace raised his brows at Alec before turning to Magnus.

“Yes,” Jace said with a smile, “we actually just got back from the printers. Alec put together some arrangements for some songs he thought people at your club might like. Rock covers of some classics.”

Magnus glanced at Alec, who wanted nothing more than to feel invisible. “I look forward to hearing them. Have a lovely day and don’t forget to work on lifting your arm more when you practice at home, Clary.”

She nodded and the four walked out, Alec quickest of all. As they exited the building, he felt two hands grab his shoulders from behind. He turned his head and saw Jace gripping him and grinning like a madman.

“Just  _ when _ did you get home the other night, big guy?”

He felt his whole face heat up. “It’s not like that! The guy was in trouble and he wanted to buy me a drink to thank me. Nothing happened!”

Jace laughed and opened the back of the van and hopped inside. “Sure, yeah. That’s why you’ve got a fancy new cigarette case outta nowhere and why we got invited to play there again. You dirty dog!”

Alec huffed and got inside and closed the door behind him.

“Seriously though man,” Jace said while grabbing Alec’s hands. Alec looked down before back up to Jace’s face. “Even if you are a queer, you know I don’t mind. You’re my brother, fag or not, nothin’s gonna change that.”

Alec snatched his hands out from Jace’s grasp and braced himself as the van lurched forward to the practice hall. He glared at Jace and said, “I don’t fuck club owners for gigs.”

Jace’s face twisted into a sad, confused look and he said, “I didn’t say you did, man. I know you.” Then he broke into a grin. “You’re classy, they gotta at least take you out to dinner first, right?”

Alec rolled his eyes and told What’s-his-name, “Hurry it up. We gotta practice.”


	3. Chapter 3: Johnny, Are You Queer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: casual homophobia, slurs.

The week could not have passed more slowly for Alec. Practicing till they got the songs down pat was a nice reprieve from the barrage of questions from his bandmates and Clary’s friend.

_ “So,” Izzy drew out, finger running along the beat up old table they got while dumpster diving after they moved in, “apparently everyone ELSE got to meet the ‘friend’ you stayed the night with the other night.” _

_ Alec rolled his eyes and spooned in a mouth of fried rice he’d made of leftover rice from the other night into his mouth. _

_ “I just helped him out once, he was kind enough to let me stay over when the trains weren’t showing up. For the last time, nothing happened.” _

_ She didn’t need to know that he’d completely forgotten about going home in the haze of drinking and talking all night with Magnus. They didn’t even kiss, so it’s not like the night was some big romantic thing.  _

_ “I wish you’d stop bugging me about it.” _

_ Izzy grinned that maniacal grin of hers that she got whenever she got even an inch on him. “You know that’s  _ **_exactly_ ** _ what little sisters are for, right? I’m supposed to bug you when you finally go out on your first real date.” _

_ “It wasn’t a date!” Alec exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “I don’t know him! He’s not my boyfriend! It’s not like I’m the one using the phone all day to talk his ear off! That’s what you do. You’re the one always on there with all those guys you keep stringing along.” _

_ It doesn’t matter that he had read and reread Magnus’ business card enough times that he has his number memorized by heart. He still never called him. _

_ “Raphael and Meliorn are playthings and gluttons for punishments. You, on the other hand, only punish yourself,” she said, her eyes softening. “You know you’re allowed to be happy. I want you to be.” _ _   
_ _ “Some guy I met twice isn’t the key to happiness. Eat your damn dinner.” _

_ Isabelle is the worst _ . He was pretty proud of how the arrangements worked out, at least. And he hoped Magnus and his club enjoyed them. Alec was the first to admit he didn’t exactly have his finger on the pulse of gay culture, but he’d walked by the marches and parades every June and heard the sorts of songs they played. Dance, disco, that sort of stuff was always on. And while the world had come to the consensus that “Disco Sucks” there were a few staples that seemed to stay around. Jace’s suggestions were actually pretty good and worked well ported over to rock from the original dance and funk.

This time, he insisted that he would be the one to ride with Guy-he-can’t-be-bothered-to-remember-his-name.  _ This was a fucking mistake _ .

“You excited to see that guy again?” he asked. “I mean, that would be pretty cool! If you started dating. Y’know, I’m all for gay liberation! I watch the parade every year! Did Pandemonium have a float in the last one? Do you know? Anyway, the guy seems handsome, y’know, for a guy. I’m not gay, but I’m all for people being gay!”

“How much farther?” Alec asked, ignoring the blathering of this manchild Jace’s girlfriend chooses to spend time with for some reason.

“The turn-in is coming up pretty soon, just a few more lights. Anyway, the songs you chose to play for that guy are pretty good! I’m not much for dance music, but you did a great job with them. You know, I’m a pretty big Elton John fan and he’s bisexual! Oh!--and there’s Boy George! You ever heard that song?  _ Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon! _ ” the guy sang excitedly as they pulled into the parking lot next to Pandemonium.  _ Thank God. _

“Help me unload,” Alec commanded. “I’m going inside to let them know we’re here.”

“Can do!” the guy exclaimed, ripping his keys out of the ignition and hopping out of the van’s driver’s seat and rushing to the back of it.

“God,” Alec exhaled as he walked towards the club. He recognized the bouncer from last week, a bear of a man in a black shirt with the club’s logo screen printed on the chest. They exchanged nods and Alec walked in. The place was still pretty empty, with the show not set to begin for another three hours. He walked over to the stage and began clearing out to make room for their kits and preparing various cords and wires to plug into their audio equipment. As with most places that had different people coming in to play every night cable management was a bit of a nightmare, but a few minutes of sorting through the mess got him to a place where he was happy to start carrying in their pieces. When he got outside, he saw Clary, Jace, and Izzy had just walked up to start helping the guy unload stuff from the van.

“Hey,” Alec said, announcing his presence. “We should be all good to go on set up.”

“Awesome, let’s rock and roll!” Jace said, putting up horns as he hopped out of the van with his case.

From behind him, Alec heard someone say, “Let’s bowl, let’s bowl, let’s rock and roll.”

He turned around, baffled, and was face-to-face with Magnus. He dressed in another sharp outfit, silver this time, with his black eyeshadow haloed in a silver glitter. 

“Uh, hi. Bowl?” Alec questioned.

Magnus waved his hand dismissively and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. You guys look great, I’m looking forward to tonight’s performance. Clary had told me you’ve been working hard on some great songs.”   
Alec rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Uh, yeah, we came up with some arrangements for some classics we thought people might like.”

“He’s being modest,” he heard Clary say from behind him. He spun around and saw her taking out one of the drum pieces from the van. “Alec made the arrangements. He worked super hard on them and has been working us to the bone to get them perfect for your club.”

She grinned at him.  _ She’s spending too much time with Izzy _ .

“Well, I’m sure if you organized everything then it’s going to be great. I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”   
And with that he walked back inside the club. His bandmates and that guy all gave him looks that made him want to smack each and everyone of them, from Izzy’s smirk and raised brow to the What’s-his-name’s wide eyes and goofy grin.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything, dear brother,” Izzy said as she unloaded the last piece of the drum kit. “That look you got when you were looking at him said enough.”

Alec growled and practically flung himself into the van to pull out the heavier pieces of audio equipment to take inside.

***

“We’ve been The Shadowhunters, have a great night!” Clary cried out as they finished their set. The crowd cried out in cheers much louder than last week. The set had gone off without a hitch, each song going just as well if not better now that they had the energy of the crowd egging them on. 

Alec grabbed the towel he kept beside his kit to wipe down his sweat and let out a deep breath. Though the songs weren’t in a dance arrangement anymore, they were still high energy and required him to play with as much energy as one. He worked meticulously to unload everything from the stage as the club’s regular music poured back in. After finishing up reloading the van with everything, he moved to the bar to grab a drink. As he approached, the bartender gave him a wide smile and shook her head.

“What?” he mouthed. She motioned him to come in closer, then shouted over the music, “Upstairs. Magus already has a drink ready for you.”

He bit the inside of his cheek then looked over to the stairs before taking a deep breath. He was still sweaty, but he could feel his palms moistening as his nerves just about got the best of him. He nearly stumbled on his way up.

Sitting right where they had last had drinks together, Magnus looked stunning. His well-fitted suit jacket which had been a muted silver out in the overcast New York dusk was now glimmering and reflecting the many lights of the club. He smiled widely and welcomingly at Alec.

“Sorry,” Alec said as he sat next to him, “I must stink.”

“Nonsense,” Magnus said, handing him some blue drink in a highball glass. “This is a club, everyone either smells like sweat or patchouli.”

“You don’t,” Alec said before he could stop himself. Magnus looked delighted at that.

“You have a good nose, Alexander. I use a cedarwood cologne.”

“It’s...nice,” he said awkwardly. Magnus seemed charmed, tipping his glass to indicate a toast. 

“A marvelous performance.”

Alec couldn’t help but crack a smile, clinking his glass to Magnus’. “Thank you.”

He took a sip. It was good, very sweet, though he couldn’t even begin to place what sort of flavor it was supposed to be. 

“The crowd loved it, and I did too. Perhaps I can give you some recommendations for some arrangements to make for next week,” Magnus said as he took a sip of his own drink, something dark in a lowball glass.

“Next week?” Alec asked, nearly choking. 

“Of course,” Magnus said, setting down his drink, then putting his hand on Alec’s lower back to indicate for him to come with him. They walked over to the balcony overlooking the club. “Look at everyone, look at this energy. They loved what you guys did tonight. As a club owner, it would be almost criminal of me to deprive them of you.”

Alec could feel himself blushing. The crowd did look pumped, all sweating and crowding the bar for drinks. He could just barely make out the blond and redhead standing at the bar accepting shots from strangers and he smiled.

“Yeah. I’d love to see your list.”

Magnus chuckled and sat back down, Alec following behind and digging in his pocket for his smokes. He pulled out his case and flicked it open, pulling on out and indicating for Magnus to take it. Magnus’ eyes glinted with something,  _ Pride? Hope? Or…? _ , and he leaned forward to take the cigarette into his lips. Alec felt his breath catch in his throat and he put one in his own mouth before closing the case and putting it on the table in front of them. He pulled out his pack of matches and lit one bringing it up carefully to light his cigarette before it began to burn his fingers. He flicked it quickly to extinguish it before reaching for the packet again to pull out another one before Magnus’ hand went over his. He looked at him confused before Magnus, while looking him dead in the eye, leaned over and touched the tip of his cigarette to his, lighting it with the already lit cigarette in Alec’s mouth.

_ Holy shit _ . 

Magnus took a long drag, eyes never leaving Alec.

Magnus broke the silence first, saying, “I’m glad you like it.”

“Uh,” Alec sputtered, “yeah--uh--’it’?”

“The case,” he indicated with his head toward the table. Alec quickly nodded, taking a puff.

“Yeah, it’s really nice. I’ve never had one before, didn’t really see the point, but I get it now. I like it.”

Magnus smiled at that, and picked his drink up to take a sip. After a few more sips of his drink, Alec could feel himself begin to loosen up and relax into regular conversation again with Magnus.

He liked talking to Magnus. It felt good, his shoulders loosening from being so taut and hard-worked during the performance, and Magnus knew exactly how to make him blush and laugh. Alec was just about finished with his drink when Magnus looked away from him and over his shoulder. He followed his gaze and felt like a deer in headlights when he saw his sister and Jace looking from around the stairs. Magnus gave one of his easy smiles and beckoned them over with a hand. Alec reached for his case on the table and flipped it around in his hand, something he had become more and more used to doing with it whenever he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands.

“Hey there again,” Jace said as he walked up and extended his hand to Magnus who took it and gave him a friendly shake.

“Lovely to see you again. And I don’t think I have gotten the opportunity to meet the lovely bassist yet. I’m Magnus,” he said as he stood, took her hands in his, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

She beamed and said, “Isabelle Lightwood, Alec’s sister.”

“Oh, I see the resemblance!” he exclaimed. He let go of her hands and extended his arms out to the couch and said, “Please, join us! I’ll see about getting another round.”

He stood and walked over to the balcony to try to get one of his employees’ attention. Alec could see him make some gestures as Jace and Izzy sat to either side of him.

“Having fun?” Izzy teased.

“Too busy for us,” Jace chimed in, miming a tear falling from his eye with a finger. “He’s got a boyfriend now.”

“Shut up,” Alec commanded in a low voice.

“Stop, you guys are cute,” Izzy said. “We tease because we love.” She gripped his arm with both hands then leaned her lips up to his ear. “Alec, he’s so handsome and charming! If you don’t blow him, I might.”

Alec hid his face in his hands.  _ “This is exactly what little sisters are for.” Yeah right. She’s just the worst. _

Magnus moved to sit back down and Izzy wiggling her eyebrows as she moved away from Alec so he could sit between them. Magnus sat and put his arm around Alec so his hand was resting on the middle of his back.

“You seemed to have truly scandalized our Alexander,” he said with a laugh. “I’m not sure I’ve seen him turn so red yet.”

“Oh, I only speak the truth. It’s not my fault that Alec is so innocent!” 

They laughed, but Magnus rubbed his hand comfortingly where it rested.

“Magnus says he has some ideas for other stuff we can try out,” Alec said, desperate to change the topic.

“Pshh,” Jace finally chimed in, waving his hand dismissively at Alec, “no business talk! We want to know about Magnus! After all, all I hear about from Clary is how amazing her dance instructor is and Alec does nothing but play around with that case like it’s his new best friend.”

At that Alec immediately stopped flicking the case and slipped it into his jacket pocket. Magnus’ arm moved lower and his hand curled around to Alec’s opposite side so his arm was properly around him.

“Clary makes teaching her easy. She’s a very willing student, eager to learn. Truly a dream pupil for a teacher like me.”

“How did you get into teaching dance if you’re running a club?” Izzy asked. He turned his head to look at her, his arm never leaving its place from low around Alec’s waist.

“Oh, I’ve been a dancer since I could walk. It’s truly my passion. I’ve been an instructor at Fairchild’s for about seven years now, starting with younger groups and moving up. The club was an inheritance I got from one of my mothers, Mother Fabulosa. She passed about four years ago now, no kin left and included me in her will with this old rundown discotheque. It’s taken some time, but I think I managed to turn it around.”

“Sorry,” Jace interjected. “‘One of’ your mothers?”

“Yes. In the community, not many people have their old mothers anymore. Broken families, or most often disowned. We become each other's mothers. Hence my card,” he said, reaching into his jacket and handing him a card identical to the one he gave Alec last week.

“‘Mother Superior’? What does that even mean?” Jace asked as he inspected the card in the colorful lighting of Pandemonium.

“A title I claimed,” he said with a smirk. “Different mothers claim the title of ‘mother’ as she adopts children, but no one claimed ‘mother superior’. Since I got the club and have been able to help fund more events than other mothers, I decided that ‘mother superior’ is who I wanted to be.”

“So when you say a lot are disowned,” Izzy began, “do you mean yourself too?”

Magnus shook his head, “No. My mother passed when I was quite young. My father is a bit of a rolling stone, so he’d come into my life every so often to make promises he wouldn’t keep, so I was raised by a lot of different family members before I found my family here. Mother Fabulousa was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a real mother, and she was a great teacher when I became a mother.”

“But you’re a man,” Jace said, laughing. Magnus shook his head at that and his grip on Alec tightened.

“You don’t get it. Mothers don’t have to be women. They just have to work hard to take care of their children.”

The bartender who had told Alec to go upstairs came up just then with the drinks Magnus had mimed just then, setting down each in front of them.

“You’re right, I don’t get it,” Jace said as he took a drink. “You queers are a strange bunch.”

Magnus’ arm stiffened, but before anyone else could react, the bartender slammed the empty tray she had been carrying their drinks on onto the table, making Alec jump.

“Ex-cuse me?” she angrily exclaimed. Magnus put his hand up to her.

“Maia, it’s fine--”   
“No! It’s really not!” she nearly shouted, getting right up into Jace’s face. “This man has shown you nothing but hospitality! Apologize!”

“For what? I didn’t do anything!”

“Maia, please, it’s quite alright…”

“Don’t come into this place and start using that kind of language, especially not to Magnus!”

“What language! I didn’t say anything!”

Alec stood up then, grabbing Jace around his shoulders. “C’mon man, it’s late and you’ve been drinking. Where’s Clary?”

He started to lead Jace away, Jace loudly proclaiming his innocence while Izzy and Magnus followed behind. “Cool down, man. Izzy, can you find Clary?”

Finally outside, the cool air of night felt at least a bit like a reprieve from the tense heat inside.

“Jace, get in the van. Clary’s friend can drop you off back home, alright? It’s all good,” Alec told him in his best conciliatory tone.

“Alright, good, but I didn’t do nothin’!” Jace exclaimed as Alec pushed him into the passenger’s seat and closed the door behind him.

Alec turned and leaned his back on the door and let out a sigh as he faced Magnus.

“I’m sorry, Magnus. He doesn’t...we weren’t exactly raised in the most...y’know.”

Magnus nodded understandingly, “Believe me, I understand. You have nothing to apologize for, except perhaps that we must cut our night short.”

Alec looked down at his feet and gave the cracked pavement a slight kick. Magnus stepped up to him, the tips of his stylish polished loafers coming up to Alec’s beat up old sneakers. Alec looked up and gazed into Magnus’ dark eyes. 

“I’m sorry we’ve gotta part when the night is still young,” Alec said, half a laugh caught in his throat. 

“Well, you’ll just have to make it up to me some other way. Maybe we can meet again, sooner than next Thursday.”

“What do you have in mind?” Alec asked, unconsciously moving in closer.

Just then, the spell seemed to break as Izzy and What’s-his-name dragged out a very drunk Clary who was whining to get back to the many new friends who had been giving her shots inside. Magnus took a step back and smiled at them.

“Well,” he said, clasping his hands together and back in business-owner-mode. “Would you like me to call you a cab? I don’t think Clary or Jace are in any fit state to walk back to the station.”

“Thank you, that would be amazing, Magnus,” Izzy said, somehow managing to manhandle the taller woman as she hung off of her and mumbled about wanting to go back inside.

Magnus smiled at them and glanced back to Alec before going back inside. A few minutes later, a cab pulled around and Magnus came out and over to Alec. He pressed something into Alec’s hand and said, “Till we meet again.”

Alec looked in his hand and saw the wadded up bills and sputters, “No--you can’t--”

“Oh, but I can. I’m not mother superior for nothing. Get home safe.”

And with that Magnus sauntered back into Pandemonium.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4: I'm Coming Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: casual homophobia, slurs.

Late the next morning, Alec walked out onto the balcony and flicked open to have his first cigarette of the day. He contemplated busting open Jace’s room to berate the hungover man for completely humiliating him in Pandemonium last night, but decided that wouldn’t be fair to Clary.  _ Maybe she’s not so bad. Magnus likes her and she has to put up with Jace a lot more than I do now _ .

He flipped open his matchbook and noticed only one left.  _ Damnit. Another thing to do. I can probably swing by the bodega on the corner later and swipe a couple packs when I get lunch _ . He lit his smoke and sat down on the creaky old chair they kept out there. He flipped open his wallet and stared down at the business card Magnus had given him their first night together. It was beginning to wear at the corners, exposing the white card stock underneath the glossy black ink. He lightly fingered the edge of it before making his decision and putting it back in his wallet. He quickly finished up then headed back inside and grabbed the phone and punched in the number before he could change his mind.

“ _ Magnus Bane speaking, how may I service you? _ ” the voice on the other line said in a silky smooth tone. His mind went blank for a moment at that.

“Uhm, hi? Magnus, it’s Alec.”

“ _ Oh! Alexander! It’s wonderful hearing from you. _ ”  _ If I had known that was how you answered the phone, I might have called sooner _ .

“Yeah, I wanted to apologize again for last night and take you up on your offer to meet up again.”

“ _ Alexander _ ,” the voice on the other line purred. “ _ I’d love that. Are you free Saturday? We’re holding an event here and I’d love for you to come _ .”

“Y--yeah!” Alec agreed before he could stop and remember if they had any gigs,  _ I’m pretty sure we don’t? _ , “I’d love that.”

“ _ Perfect! It’ll be at Pandemonium at 8pm. Wear something to show off your arms, I’d love to make the other mothers jealous _ .”

Alec let out a nervous giggle without meaning to and covered his mouth. “Uh--I--okay, alright.”

“ _ Great, it’s a date. I’ll see you then, Alexander _ .”

_ A date. _ “Yes! You will!” Alec exclaimed, then immediately wanted to smack himself for sounding so eager.

“ _ Alright, I’ve gotta go, so ciao for now _ .”

“Yeah, chow, bye!” and with that Alec hung up, feeling like his stomach was doing summersaults.

_ A date _ .

***

Alec had never been on a real, proper date before. Sure, through high school he “dated” his mom’s friend’s daughter Lydia, but thankfully after getting his first tattoo, she wasn’t too keen on him spending time with her daughter. Honestly, the tattoos had been great for keeping his parents from trying to set him up with any women. No mother looks at him and thinks he’s the “desirable” type.  _ Except maybe mother superiors _ , he thought with a grin.

Going through his closet brought up nothing good and clean to wear, so he resigned himself to hauling everything down to the laundromat down the street. He collected all of the quarters he could from around his room, and by sneaking through Jace’s room while pointedly avoiding looking at the nude prone figures on the bed.  _ If I’m not getting revenge by waking him up, at least I can get a clean pair of jeans off of him _ .

A few trips back and forth and a several hours later, he had a completely clean wardrobe to sort through.  _ Alright. He wants nice and...arms _ . Most of his wardrobe was fairly bland, having decided to give up on trying to figure out coordinating colors and sticking with a simple “everything is some shade of grey or black” motif. He managed to find a muscle shirt he usually reserved for the summer months that fully showed his arms and some of his sides and his nicest pair of 501s.  _ I’ll put my jacket over the top for outside, it’s still not warm enough yet for just a t-shirt, let alone one that leaves me so...exposed _ . For shoes he was...limited to the one and only pair he owned, so that would have to do. Theoretically, he still had shoes back at his parents’ place, but that was an avenue he’d rather not go down.  _ “Yes Mom and Dad, I’ve gotten more tattoos and am still working full-time in a going-nowhere band instead of a real job! Anyway, I have a date with a makeup-wearing man tomorrow night, can I get my nice pair of church shoes from your place?” _ The less they knew, the easier his life would be.  _ In their eyes they’d rather me be a tatted up scumbag musician sleeping around with a different dolled up girl every night than a gay virgin _ . He shook his head and huffed out a sigh before flopping onto his bed.

He knew he was forgetting something, something he was meant to do... _ The list! _

He never got the chance to get that promised list of songs from Magnus before Jace had to start acting up and pissing people off.  _ It’s just a word to him _ , Magnus knew, after all they grew up and went through everything from third grade to today together,  _ but he doesn’t get that it’s more than a word to everyone else in Magnus’ world _ . They’d heard it more than enough times in their life, always an accusation. Usually against the more effete boys at school, but once or twice directed at them and their close friendship. Both times, Jace had laughed it off and called whatever guy said it a “fag” back, but that didn’t exactly make it better. He wasn’t offended by the accusation, but he certainly didn’t seem to mind using those words that cut Alec to throw back and insult other guys. And Alec knew that Jace knew how those words could hurt him. 

_ “Hey,” the boy sneered, looking Alec up and down as he was changing back into his regular clothes after his shower. “What’s this faggot still doing in the lockerroom? Last thing I want is this queer jerkin’ off over me!” _

_ A few of the other guys laughed, but then from nowhere Jace had come and laid the guy flat. The guy gripped his nose, blood seeping from his fingers. _

_ “What the fuck! What’s your fuckin’ problem!” _

_ “You’re my fuckin’ problem!” Jace had hollered back. “Call my brother a ‘faggot’ again, see what fuckin’ happens!” _

Alec rubbed his hands over his face.  _ I need to shave. _ The stubble look was nice for a night or three, but if he wasn’t careful he’d end up looking way too much like his dad’s full-bearded self. He took off his shirt, throwing it on the bed, and went to the bathroom for a quick dry shave. They didn’t have any shaving cream, so he made do with dry shaves and stealing his sister’s fancy lotions afterwards to moisturize and to sooth his beard. 

Izzy, always after the finer things in life, was the only one with a “real job” as their parents liked to put it, and worked the Estee Lauder counter at Macy’s. She was happy enough with all of the free shit they loaded her up with, plus it made rent when they hit a dry spell of gigs while being flexible enough that she could make time for practice and shows. Her being the daddy’s girl she is was still in full contact with their father to hit him up for cash whenever she wanted, plus all the guys she kept fawning over her on the side helped make the rest of the ends meet. He felt weird having his little sister taking the brunt of responsibility, but she seemed to revel in it and insisted that he and Jace work full-time on creating music.

_ “Anything for my big brother. Especially if I get to reap all the benefits of having it both ways. Piss off my parents while getting to play with makeup all day for money? You have to be kidding me!” _

He knew it wasn’t that simple, but she played it off well most of the time, except for the times she came home angry that  _ “That bitch Rita stole three of my sales today!” _ or  _ “You would NOT believe how this old bitch thought she could talk to me while I was color-matching her!” _ or  _ “All these greedy old white ladies want is ‘samples, samples, samples’!” _ If nothing else, the least he could do was make dinner and listen to her. 

He wiped his hair out of the sink and went down to the bodega for today’s lunch and to pick up something to make for tonight. He decided after that if Jace and Clary aren’t up then too-fucking-bad and he was going to wake up Jace to give him ideas to bounce off of for a set list since he was the one who had spoiled the night.

A sub-par bodega sandwich and a grocery trip later, he had four new packets of matches, another pack of Camel Lights to refill his “new best friend” as Jace decided to call it, basically-fresh chicken, and some cans of stewed tomatoes to cook with the chicken to serve with some of the rice from the 50 pound bag they had invested in a few weeks ago. Now dinner could be prepped and he was ready to start pounding on Jace’s door. He threw the chicken in with the tomatoes and some spices they had lying around into the ancient crockpot that mostly worked a long as no other outlet was being used in the kitchen, then slammed his fist against Jace’s door like a cop would have. From the other side, he heard a shrill scream and something fall over.  _ I hope he broke his ass. _

“Jace, it’s time to work!” he called through the door.

“We’re musicians! We’re supposed to rock all night and sleep all day, leave me the fuck alone!”

“You’ve already been sleeping all day, rock star! Now put on some pants and let’s get to work!”

He heard him groan through the door.

“I’ll come in there if I have to! Now get up!”

Alec sat down at the table and fished his case out of his pocket and opened up the new pack. His new ritual was setting up his case. He’d pull out the Camel Cash and wrap it up with the rest of his stash, pull out the amount of cigarettes necessary to refill his case, then leave the partially empty paper pack for Jace, who was always perpetually too lazy to go down and get a pack for himself.

_ “Man, I want some Newports,” Jace whined, taking the Camel Light from between Alec’s fingers. _

_ He rolled his eyes, “I hate menthol, man. Go get yourself a pack if you want one so bad.” _

_ Jace just gave him a puppy dog look, with his eyes wide and his brows and lips turned downward. “But...why? When I’ve got my best buddy in the whole world here ready with this shitty Camel?” _

A few times, Alec had caved and bought what Jace had wanted, just because he wanted him to just look at him. Maybe see something.  _ A waste of time and money, getting him those menthols _ . Not really, since he still loved seeing Jace happy, but definitely a waste in terms of the dream of getting Jace to somehow love him back. Those feelings had eventually faded, though it took way too long. Walking in on him with his dick in just about every girl he could trick into coming to their shitty place in Williamsburg had just about cured him of that. Even still, those feelings weren’t fully gone till...Alec had moved on, whenever that was. Now that Jace had Clary, and maybe now that Alec might have Magnus if he could manage to not mess that up. Alec pulled out one last smoke from the paper pack and went outside with one of the new books of matches to wait for Jace to join him, who eventually did stumble out with the packet partially crumpled and a book from the table.

“I feel like shit, man.”   
“You should,” Alec grumbled, then took a quick puff. “How much do you remember from last night?”

“Uhhh,” Jace looked around before grabbing his head, seeming to have made himself dizzy. “We...Clary and I were doing shots. Then...Izzy and I caught you and Magnus flirting. And...some black chick was shouting at me? It’s pretty hazy.”

“You said you didn’t understand Magnus and called him a ‘queer’,” Alec stated matter-of-factly. 

Jace looked confused. “I mean...I don’t really get Magnus? I’m not into dudes, first of all, so not really my area of expertise. The makeup thing on guys is weird. Like, I know there’s Boy George and MTV darlings and shit, but ‘s not my scene. And I thought he was a queer? Weren’t you guys flirting?”

Alec rolled his eyes and took a long drag before blowing it out in a long stream. “Jace, you can’t go around calling gay people ‘queers’. Doesn’t matter how much makeup they wear.”

“But aren’t you guys queers? Like, Izzy said you stayed the night there! So if you’re not rearranging guts--”

“Please don’t call it that,” Alec interjected.

“--then what the fuck else are you if you’re not queers?” Jace asked, his hands up. “I’m just asking a question! We’re best friends, am I not allowed to ask questions anymore?”

“Jace,” Alec sighed, “Of course we’re best friends. ‘Queer’ is just a really rude thing to call people. Same with ‘fag’ and ‘faggot’. Just call Magnus ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’.”

“And what about you?” Jace asked, pointing his cigarette at him. “Do I call you ‘gay’? You know the reason I pushed for us to even do Pandemonium is that I was hoping it would make you happy. Y’know, play for those kinds of people, the homosexuals or whatever. Because I’ll accept whatever you are.”

Alec flipped the case around in his hand, watching the beams of sunlight reflect off of the simple shining silver.

“I...I don’t know. Maybe?”

At that, Jace scoffed. “‘Maybe’? Dude, I saw you with Lydia. Did you ever even kiss that poor girl?”

Alec let a huff out through his nose and said, “...No. We dated for like...two and a half years. I think she thought I was super religious or something.”

“I mean,” Jace let out a laugh and leaned his elbow onto his knee, “you act like a goddamn monk. Working on songs all day, probably not even touching yourself at night. Literally, I think everyone knows you’re a virgin.”

Alec flicked his butt over the railing of the balcony, not really caring about littering at that moment, and ran his hand over his face. “Is it that obvious?”

“To me, for sure. And I think just about everyone who knows you. Magnus? I don’t know.” Jace shrugged, then got a look on his face. “I mean, is it rude to ask how many people he’s been with? I mean, he’s out. But like...people got AIDS and shit. Did you ask him if, like…?”

“No, we haven’t gotten to talk about our sexual and medical histories yet, thanks,” Alec said sarcastically. “Kind of no thanks to you. So, we’re working on songs now. Help me think of a set list to make arrangements for. We’re gonna have to start practicing like last week so we can get them down, we have a gig at Pandemonium on Thursday.”

***

One long night of work, and Alec didn’t feel much better about the list him and Jace came up with.  _ This isn’t good enough. Not when I have Magnus. Magnus’ list, whatever _ .

The time to leave for the date was coming in fast. He double and tripled checked how he looked, Clary and Jace watching him all the while as he moved between his bedroom and the bathroom.

“Magnus is going to love it,” Clary declared. “Stop worrying! He’s seen you soaked in sweat after a set, I’m sure that might even be how he might prefer to see you.”

“Yeah, but I’m meeting other people he knows!” Alec cried out. “Jace has already made it hard enough, pissing off his bartender last night!”

Jace rolled his eyes and said, “That’s barely my fault.”

“Naturally,” Alec said with an eyeroll. He looked at the clock on the oven. “Alright, time to go. You sure I look alright.”

Clary stood up and put her hand on his chest, looking up endearingly into his eyes. “Alec. If you weren’t gay, I would blow you in front of this asshole I call my boyfriend right now. Now go!”

Jace gave a small chuckle, “Not really though, right? I mean, I think everyone has said I’m the hotter one out of the two of us.”

“Not right now you aren’t,” Clary said as she sat back down and crossed her arms. “Alec is smokin’ and you’re the asshole who embarrassed everyone at Pandemonium.”

Alec double checked his pockets to make sure he had everything.  _ Keys, case, wallet _ .

“Alright, I’m out.”

And with that, he left the apartment to go on his first real date with a man.


	5. Chapter 5: You Think You're A Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: mention of suicide.

Alec arrived about half an hour before the agreed time. He walked up and smiled at the bartender, the girl from the other night who had been just about ready to rip Jace a new one. She gave him a side eye while cleaning glasses.

“Hi,” he began lamely. “I’m Alec.”

“I know who you are,” she stated coolly. “Magnus won’t shut up about you.”

“I’m really sorry. About my friend. He’s...not the smartest guy in the world. Especially when he’s drunk.”

She huffed and said, “Understatement.”

“But...he and I aren’t the same person. I just wanted to get him out of here so he’d stop acting like that.”  
“You mean like a prick.”   
“A total asshole. Even after talking to him, I’m not sure that moron even gets it.”

That made her laugh. She finally looked straight up at him, and said, “I know the type. My dad was always the same way with my brother.”

“Sounds like your dad and Jace would have a lot to talk about now,” Alec said. 

She shrugged. “Well, now that my brother’s gone, he’s gone into full PFLAG mode. It’s like he didn’t even realize what he was doing was hurting him until after he was gone.”

“I’m sorry. Was it…?”

“A gun. Gone in the blink of an eye. Sucks.”

Alec couldn’t think of what to say. “...Yeah.”

“Anyway, want anything to drink? I can start a tab that Magnus will probably just throw out when he sees your name on it.”

Alec smiled. He liked her, and how genuine she was. Her bravery in standing up to a guy who had a couple inches and about 50 pounds on her, her openness about how much she cares about others. “Just a water. Last thing I want to be is a drunk asshole before I even meet up with Magnus.”

“Oh, well, tonight you’re in for a treat,” she said as she flipped over a glass and turned on the hand-held tap to fill it. “Tonight, Magnus isn’t here.”

 _What?_ “We--uh--but, we were planning--”

“Tonight you’ll see the mother superior in all her glory.”

“Oh? Huh.” He took the glass from the counter and took a sip. “So he’s...a female impersonator?” 

“No, not Magnus. He’s a drag queen.”

“Right.” Alec wasn’t sure what the difference was, but right now didn’t feel like the time to ask what the difference was. “Well, I look forward to seeing our mother superior.”

She grinned, indicating to him that it was the correct answer. “Praise be!”

“Praise be!” he called back, then heard a few more calls of “Praise be!” back.

She chuckled, then poured a shot and pushed it over to him. He looked at it confused but before he could protest, she pushed it closer to him. “Trust me,” she said. “Liquid courage.”

He looked at her confused, but downed the shot. She smiled and said, “He’s really not like anyone you’ll ever meet. He’s generous, genuine, and kind. He really helped me get through it, everything with my brother. So whatever happens tonight, just trust that you’re going to be fine and he has only your best interests at heart. Alright?”

“Um.” He felt dumbfounded, but licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah, trust.”

She nodded then went over to some new customers who had just approached the bar.

He looked around and noticed just how many people there were, but also how few of them were on the dance floor, instead most crowded around the edges or settling down at the bar to get easy access to drinks.

He wandered around aimlessly, looking at people and trying to understand what they were preparing for. Some looked back at him dismissively, others looked him up and down in a way that made him feel totally exposed even though he hadn’t even had the courage to leave his jacket at the door. Though, with all of the bodies filling up the space, that was something he was quickly coming to regret as sweat began to seep from his hairline. 

At 8pm on the dot, the house lights went near completely dark and a voice came over the system that he immediately recognized as Magnus’.

“ _HELLO, MY CHILDREN!_ ”

The crowd answered back, “HELLO, MOTHER SUPERIOR!”

“ _ARE ALL OF YOU READY TO RECEIVE BLESSINGS FROM YOUR SWEET MOTHER?_ ” 

The crowd cried back, “PRAISE BE!”

Suddenly a spotlight came up on the stage. Dressed in the tallest pair of high heels he’d ever seen which would have made Izzy fall over in jealousy, a long-sleeved high-collared formless black dress that just barely went down to the very tops of his thighs, a comically large nun’s habit, and a black smokey eye that seemed to go far passed where Alec was certain his normal eyebrows were, Magnus stood defiantly at center stage. The crowd began to chant, “Praise be! Praise be! Praise be!”

Magnus looked around the crowd and slowly descended the steps to the cleared out dance floor. Finally, he seemed to spot who he was looking for, as his gaze locked onto Alec’s.

“Oh!” he cried out in surprise and the crowd stopped chanting. “I see that we have here someone uninitiated!”

“Baptism!” someone cried and Magnus replied back, “ _You want watersports? What the fuck kind of show do you think this is? This isn’t Tuesday afternoons at your place, Sharon!_ ” The crowd boomed with laughter. Whoever had called out for a baptism shouted, “Bitch, you wish you could see what was going on at my house!”

“ _Children!_ ” Magnus cried out, ignoring them. “ _Mother knows what she needs! First communion!_ ”

And with that Magnus took Alec by the hand and pulled him out onto the dance floor. With the spotlight suddenly on him, he felt very nervous. While he was used to performing, this wasn’t any way he was used to. He was in the back, behind the singer, behind the guitarist, behind the bassist, and behind the drums. Here, he was front and center with Magnus suddenly towering over him in heels that made him at least three inches taller. _I’m not used to being the short one either_.

Magnus got closer and wrapped his arms around him before whispering, “ _you’re doing amazing, alexander_.” 

He felt calmer for just a moment, then Magnus brought the microphone back up to his lips. “ _IT’S TIME FOR HER FIRST COMMUNION. CHILD, do you know how to take first communion?_ ”

Alec had gone through First Communion years ago, but he was certain that this was not going to be anything like that. He shook his head.

“ _OF COURSE NOT! Don’t worry though, Mother Superior Magenta Fabulousa is here! BRING IN THE SUPPLIES!_ ”

From the darkness, the bartender brought out a covered tray.

“ _NOW FIRST! You must dress appropriately!_ ” Magnus grabbed the lapel of his jacket and nodded. Alec stammered, but quickly Magnus called through the microphone, “ _CHILD, take this shit off!_ ”

Alec couldn’t help but laugh nervously as he shrugged off the jacket, revealing the flimsy shirt that showed off his tattoos and the muscles he had built through years of drumming. Magnus still held it in his hand and passed it over to the bartender. He eyed his arms and winked.

“ _NEXT!_ ” he cried into the microphone. “ _Have you ever heard of someone taking communion while standing?_ ” Alec timidly shook his head. “ _DAMN STRAIGHT! Get on your KNEES!_ ”

Alec gulped and knelt down as he was told.

“ _NEXT! Those familiar with the customs of Pandemonium must say a little prayer._ ”

And with that, the crowd erupted,

 **PRAISE BE TO OUR SWEET MOTHER,** **  
****SHE GIVES US LOVE,** **  
****SHE GIVES US BREAD,** ****  
**AND BY GOD,** **  
****DOES SHE GIVE HEAD!**

“ _NOW CHILD!_ ” Magnus called out again. “ _You must take of Mother’s sweet milk and hard...meat._ ”

The bartender lifted the lid off of the tray. From the angle, Alec couldn’t see what was on it, but Magnus looked down at him, smirking. 

“ _Now Child. Do you trust Mother?_ ”

Alec nodded and Magnus said into the microphone, “ _I SAID, do you trust Mother?_ ”

“Yes,” Alec said aloud, but Magnus shook his head.

“ _CHILD! I SAID, do you trust Mother!_ ”

“Yes, Mother!” Alec cried and Magnus smiled widely at that.

“ _Oh fuck, that works for me_ ,” he said clutching at his chest and rubbing his bare thighs together. The crowd laughed and whooped. 

“ _Since you trust your Mother so, close your eyes_.”

Alec did as he was told. A hush and a few chuckles went over the crowd. Something Magnus did that he couldn’t see made the crowd hoot with laughter. He could feel his anxiety beginning to rise again and he palmed the case in his pocket to ground himself.

Suddenly he felt something cold and wet touch his lips. It made him jerk back for a moment, but suddenly there was a hand tangled in his hair keeping him in place. _Trust. Right_.

Alec opened his mouth. Immediately he realized what it was. A cold hotdog, probably straight from the package. The taste was...not great, as with every cold hot dog. But in that unreal space of kneeling before the man who had so enraptured him in front of a dark crowd of faceless strangers, he just thought... _Fuck it_. He made himself open his mouth fully and took down the hotdog as far as it would go. Apparently the crowd enjoyed it because suddenly they burst out in a cheer. He pulled back off before sucking it in again.

Blowing a hotdog had not been what he’d envisioned for the night. Suddenly as he had been pulling back, the whole thing popped out of his mouth and he suddenly was being tapped on the face with it.

“ _FLYING COLORS FOR THIS CHILD! I haven’t been blown like that since Pastor Hudson left the parish!_ ”

The crowd roared.

“ _NOW CHILD! You must take of your Mother’s milk now. Prepare yourself._ ”

Another hush. A moment later, Alec felt two gentle hands on his face. He opened his eyes for a moment and he saw Magnus leaning down over him. He came in closer and swallowed. Alec gave him a curt nod and Magnus smiled. Then suddenly, Magnus’ lips were on his.

 _So this is my first kiss_.

He opened his mouth slightly, and suddenly his mouth was filled with a burning sensation and a sickly sweet taste he recognised immediately as Malibu. He swallowed instinctively, then reached up to put his hand on the back of Magnus’ neck to hold him there and deepen the kiss. Joyous screaming and clapping came from the audience.

 _If only every first kiss were greeted with this kind of reaction_.

Magnus gently pulled away and looked him straight in the eye, grinning his sweetest smile from ear to ear. He took Alec’s hand from his neck and held his, bidding him to stand up. He pulled Alec close and wrapped an arm around him.

Without a microphone, Magnus shouted, “GET YOUR OWN BITCHES, THIS CHILD IS MINE!”

The crowd roared again before chants of “PRAISE BE” began again. Magnus leaned over and said into Alec’s ear, “God, where have you been all my life? We’re done here, thank you so much. You can go up onto the balcony to watch away from the crowd if you like. I’ll join you there soon.”

The intimacy of his words made a blush crawl up Alec’s cheeks and he walked out of the spotlight to leave Magnus to perform.

The show wasn’t like anything he’d seen before. Magnus seemed to glide as he danced on those towering shoes as if he were completely barefoot, and he was lip syncing along to some number he’d never heard before. Finally, he said, “ _Now that the warm up over, and boy, woof, that was a hot one._ ” He fanned himself with his hand and the crowd laughed and hollered. “ _Mother Licka Yummicuchi will lead you through the remainder of tonight’s ball! Enjoy!_ ”

And with that, Magnus sauntered off of the dance floor and up to the balcony. He took off his habit as he sat down, his hair plastered to his head, and set it down gingerly on one of the other couches before sitting beside Alec and wrapping his arms around him.

“You were amazing! I’m so, so, so proud of you!”

“Yeah, that was...different. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Magnus grinned devilishly, and whispered in Alec’s ear, “I’m very impressed. Never thought I’d wish that my dick was a Nathan’s.”

Alec stammered. He wished that he didn’t feel this flustered around Magnus, but he was always caught so off-guard by him.

“I’m not usually--I’m usually so much better at this kind of stuff.”

“I thought you were marvellous. I know it’s not very traditional, but I’m not a particularly traditional person, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Yeah, I guess getting the first kiss out of the way before the date begins is one way to start us off,” Alec said, pulling his case out of his pocket. He held up a cigarette for Magnus to take, which he did gratefully.

“Y’know, these things suck,” Magnus stated, “but hanging out with too many dancers will drive you to it. They all wanna stay rail thin and you just pick it up by being around them too much.”

“Yeah,” Alec said with a strug. “Not too different from the punk scene. You’ve got your straight edge kids, but a lot of people pick it up. Me and Jace included. It’s the one thing I’m really glad Izzy didn’t pick up after me.”

“Bad habits die hard,” he said thoughtfully. He cleared his throat. “Well, I hope you enjoyed the parts you weren’t an active participant in.”

“Your dance was fantastic and you look great,” Alec said looking him over. “I wasn’t expecting to get...so much of a view on the first date.”

His legs truly were a sight to behold. Smooth, well-toned and well-muscled. Certainly not a woman’s legs, but still beautiful. They were strong with old scars on the knees and shins from scrapes and cuts from who knows when. He ran his finger over one of them, one just above his left knee, seeming to catch Magnus by surprise.

“How did you get this one?”

Magnus blinked at him, then gently placed his fingers over Alec’s. “Riding my bicycle when I was eleven. Thought I could a jump over a wooden fence. I couldn’t.”

“Who helped you out with it?”

Magnus shrugged. “I just poured some hydrogen peroxide on it and wrapped it up myself. After all, there were more jumps to try to make.”

Alec ran his finger over it again. “So no one kissed it better?”

Magnus eyed him and shook his head. Alec leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on top of the old scar. When he looked up, Magnus’ eyes were shining. He pulled Alec in close.

“Hey, I’ve got another place that got hurt that no one ever kissed better.”

Alec pulled a soft smile and whispered, “Is it your dick?”

For once Magnus was the one caught off-guard, sputtering out a laugh. He pulled Alec in the rest of the way and kissed him like he never wanted to be kissed by anyone else.


	6. Chapter 6: Don't Leave Me This Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: slur.

The whole night with Magnus had felt like some strange dream. Laying in his own bed later on, he could hardly believe that it had happened. He got the list from Magnus, but not until after a make out session that left him feeling totally breathless. Before parting for the night, Alec confirmed that they’d be playing again and that they would have a second date.

_ “Let’s go for drinks sometime. Somewhere you don’t own.” _

_ Magnus looked a bit nervous at that, but Alec shook his head and laughed.  _

_ “What’s wong? Don’t wanna go somewhere the drinks aren’t free?” _

_ “Alec, the drinks are never free when you own the place. No, it’s just that...you know how you can get nervous and blush?” _

_ Alec stammered out, “I, yeah, obviously.” _

_ “Well,” Magnus said with a deep breath. “You’re not the only one who feels vulnerable.” _

_ “Magnus,” Alec said, taking his cheek in his hand. “You’re beautiful. You’re strong. And you’ve got a 6’3” guy who’s gonna be there right beside you ready to throw down if someone gets mouthy. Trust me.” _

_ Magnus smirked, then nodded. _

_ “Alright then, Alexander Lightwood. I trust you. Take me out of my comfort zone.” _

Alec had been glad he chose to trust Maia and Magnus and go through with the strange and somewhat humiliating ritual. Though he had felt so out of his element, going with the plan Magnus had set out in having him perform during their first date reaped unanticipated benefits. They probably made more in tip money that night than they’d made in weeks at some places before. Despite being in the way back of the stage behind his kit, Alec felt like the star of the show for the first time. The energy was electrifying and after getting off and putting away his kit, he held Magnus and thanked him. He never felt so a part of a place, a part of a scene.

Alec knew exactly the place he wanted to take Magnus on their first outing that wasn’t Pandemonium. Friday, they were going to Alec and Jace’s favorite place to play pool in Williamsburg. 

Even on a Friday night, the Hunter’s Moon was a low-key quiet place. It was run by Clary’s step-father, Luke, a guy Alec had grown to know and like a lot faster and better than he had been able to connect with Clary. He waited at the bar, slowly sipping on a gin and tonic when Magnus walked in.

Instead of his usual grand wardrobe, Magus was in a very understated dark button down and slacks. What shocked Alec the most was how little eye makeup he wore, foregoing his usual heavy look for barely any eyeliner on his top lid. It probably wouldn’t have even been noticeable to anyone who didn’t know him.

Alec rose when he saw Magnus, walking over to him and bringing his arms around him. Magnus slightly tensed, but brought one arm around to embrace him back. Alec turned his head and placed a light kiss on Magnus’ cheek before bringing him around to the bar.

“Magnus, have you ever met Clary’s father?”

Magnus looked slightly baffled. “No, I’ve never had the chance.”

Alec smiled and pointed at Luke, who was tending the bar. “Luke, this is Magnus. He’s Clary’s dance instructor and with me tonight.”

Luke gave Magnus one of his signature warm welcoming dad smiles while holding out his hand for Magnus to shake it.

“Luke, great to meet you. I’ve heard wonderful things from my daughter and Alec.”

Magnus took his hand, “Magnus, thank you. I’ve grown quite fond of your daughter and Alexander.”

“So, know what you’re thirsty for?” Luke asked.

“Just a whiskey on the rocks?”

“Coming right up.”

“You like pool?” Alec asked. Magnus nodded, accepting his drink and letting Alec lead him over to the table.

“It’s all about the angles,” he said, racking up the balls. “I hope you’re ready. I got a 4 in AP calculus, so I know all about angles.”

Magnus smiled softly and said, “Well, show me how it’s done.”

Alec sunk a few balls, but began to feel bad as he felt he had been monopolizing the table. So he intentionally flubbed a shot. 

“Oh, whoops,” he said. “Well, you can’t get ‘em all, right?” 

Magnus nodded sagely, saying, “Too right.”

Alec turned his back for a moment, taking a sip of his mostly-drunk gin and tonic, when he heard the balls crack behind him and heard several sink at once. He turned back around and four of Magnus’ balls were gone.

“Wha…”

“Dear, haven’t you heard the old saying?” Magnus said, smirking. “If you can’t find the one being hustled in a pool hall, then it’s probably you.”

Alec’s face broke out in a grin. “Okay. Let’s play.”

Alec lost, very definitively.

Afterwards, fresh drinks in hand, Magnus turned and said, “Thank you, Alexander. I love a good competitive spirit. Some people hate it, but I find it invigorating.”

“I’ve never had any complaints before,” Alec grumbled. Magnus smirked.

“Must’ve had them lining up outside the doors.”

Alec cleared his throat. “Uh, I mean, I had a girlfriend in high school I guess. Lydia. She’s a good friend now.”

“‘Girlfriend’?” Magnus asked, head tilted. “I didn’t know you were bi.”

“Um, I’m not.”

“What?” Magnus’ eyes got wide. “So this girl Lydia was your only relationship...but you’re gay.”

“Uh--yup.”

“Did you two ever…?”

Alec took a large drink of whatever Magnus had handed him. “This is...good.” He winced, swallowing the bitter drink down.

Magnus turned in his seat and looked at his own drink, then finished about half of it in two gulps.

Alec let out an exasperated sigh. “This is why I’ve never really gone on any really  _ real _ dates or tried...making exes. I wasn’t exactly raised an environment conducive to...dating, and I didn’t want to feel like a freak for not having been with anyone.”

“You’re not a freak,” Magnus said quietly. “You’re just so...innocent. Now I understand why Izzy teases you the way she does and why you seem so. Bashful?”

“So,” Alec said with a sigh. “Now you know my big secret. What about you? How many have you...you know.”

Magnus froze. “How many?” he said, voice terse.

“Yeah. You’ve been in the scene for a while. You can...round down, I guess, if you like.”

“I...seventeen.”

Alec looked over, eyebrows raised and a small smile on his face. “Oh! Seventeen!”

“That’s...for penetrative. Other stuff…I’m not sure. I went to an all-boys boarding school, and a  _ very _ liberal arts college, and I’ve been in the scene for a while so while I may look like a young 20-something, but I’m older than I look...”

“No, that’s...okay.”

They stared at their drinks.

“Hey,” Magnus said with a chuckle, “that was all in the past, I’m here now.”

“With me. And an entire boarding school and liberal arts college and years in the scene’s worth of memories.”

Both men downed the remainers of their drinks.

“Uh, I should ask, since you have and I haven’t. Are you...positive?”

Magnus shook his head. “No, I’m clean. I’ll admit, I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell as it were. Watch enough of your friends die, suddenly you’re not willing to take any risks.”

Alec watched him carefully. “A lot?”

Magnus sighed, his head falling forward ever so slightly. “You know the night we met, how I was being threatened and you came in so dashingly to my rescue? He was the brother of a friend of mine, Elias. Elias had succumbed to it a few weeks ago. His brother came into Pandemonium shouting for me, angry and drunk out of his mind. He knew we were friends and he caught us once when Eli was still living at home. We were younger then, just fooling around. So I got him out of the club and I was trying to calm him down, but he was too far gone. He blamed me. Said I must have given it to him. That he would drain the, and I quote, ‘faggot AIDS blood’ out of me.” Magnus shook his head. “That grief. I’ve seen enough of what it does to a person, a family, a community. Those parades during the initial outbreak. Colorful as they might have been, they weren’t happy. They were funeral marches.”

Alec reached over and took Magnus’ hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “We’re very different, Magnus. I’ve never...really lost anyone before. I mean, I don’t talk to my parents, but I know where they are and that they’re alive. I...I’m sorry. Let’s get out of here.”

They took the M line back to Magnus’. After all that was said, Alec didn’t want him to walk home alone, but he couldn’t think of anything to say either. Magnus invited him up and he poured them more drinks.

“You know, I really love this city,” Magnus said. “You can walk all over and still feel like you’ve barely seen any of it. Be nice to visit Williamsburg every once in a while.”

Alec smiled for a moment before his face fell again. “Yeah. Magnus. Do you ever feel like we’re too different? You’re older, and you’ve been out, and you’re this figurehead in Greenwich. I’m just some barely-even-out virgin in some going-nowhere-fast punk band.”

Magnus rubbed his thumb against Alec’s cheek for a moment before letting his hand drop back to his side. “Maybe?”

Alec turned to the door, walked a few paces and stopped. He bit his lip before resolutely turning around and marching right back up to Magnus.

“Look. I don’t care. I don’t care how many people you’ve been with.”

Magnus’ eye twinkled and he gave a small shrug. “I don’t care how many people you haven’t been with.”

Alec wrapped his hand around the side of Magnus’ neck. “I don’t care about the past. I just care about being here with you. Now.”

He leaned in and kissed him gently like he was made of porcelain. Magnus kissed back, sweetly and softly. Alec broke the kiss first and wrapped his arms around him, tight enough that he could be assured he wasn’t going anywhere else till morning.


	7. Chapter 7: Make Your Own Kind of Music

The weeks seemed to fly by with Magnus in his life. The band had become a Thursday night staple for Pandemonium, which allowed them more stability than the irregular gigs they managed to book. Three weeks after their official first date, Magnus finally dropped the “B” word.

 _Sweaty, and still buzzing with energy from the crowd, Alec finished up loading the last of his kit into Clary’s friend’s van, who they had to officially declare their roadie after weeks of “just helping out my favorite band!”. And ask much as he hated to admit it,_ **_Simon_ ** _had grown on him, like some invasive species of mold or algae. Endearing himself to Magnus had helped with that, though his constant pop culture references and cheery way of continuously grated on him. Simon had popped back inside after loading up the last of the kit, so Alec was alone outside._

_While the night air was still cool, it was warmer than it had been when The Shadowhunters first started playing nearly two months prior. The humidity and warmth of spring was beginning to make it harder to cool down as quickly after the show. He had pulled the dry bottom of his shirt up to his face to absorb the sweat on his forehead when he heard someone whistle. He looked up and spotted Magnus darkly silhouetted in the lights outside of Pandemonium. He gave him a quick smirk._

_“Sorry sir, this isn’t a free show.”_

_“Ah,” Magnus said, slinking over to Alec, “you don’t have a ‘boyfriend’ discount?”_

_His breath caught in his chest at that and he slammed the door of the van shut before walking over to meet him the rest of the way. He put his arms around Magnus’ waist and looked up, making a humming sound as if he were thinking about it._

_“Well, maybe I can wave my fee just this once,” he joked, then leaned down to kiss him._

It felt silly, feeling giddy as a schoolgirl crushing over some boy, but Magnus made him feel things he’d never thought he would feel before. His stomach felt full to bursting with butterflies when Magnus would look down at him from the balcony of the club and the bi-monthy drag performances were Magnus wore some of the most scantily clad and sacreligious outfits he had ever seen definitely managed to stir up him up and get him hot, definitely not something he had every thought would happen.

_“Religion does this to all sorts,” Magnus said from atop Alec’s lap after one of his Saturday night performances in a Barbie pink habit and fishnets with lips swollen from kissing. “I mean, just look at me. Three years in a Catholic boarding school and just look at me now!”_

_He leaned down to give Alec another bruising kiss then said against his lips, “I wouldn’t mind worshipping at your altar some time.”_

_Worship_. That certainly would be the next step in the relationship. Alec was glad at first that Magnus didn’t seem to mind taking things slow. Everything thus far had been completely above the belt, the pair sticking with makeout sessions that left them both gasping for breath. Now though, Alec was beginning to wonder if the glacial speed things had been going at was a little too slow. 

_There’s only so many ways you can jerk off in a shower when you’ve got three roommates_.

He was going through some new arrangements and making tweaks to a few older ones when he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in!” he called.

Izzy opened the door and popped inside to stand next to where Alec was sitting on the floor with dozens of pieces of sheet music in front of him. He screwed the top back onto his bottle of whiteout and asked, “What’s up?”

“Well,” she began slowly, “I just got off the phone with Dad.”

Alec tensed up his shoulders and nodded. For the most part, he’d been avoiding talking to or about his parents as much as possible, vastly preferring the new world he’d been exploring with Magnus. Gay culture, the world of chosed mothers and chosen family, had appealed to Alec in a way he’d never realized it could have until he had met his boyfriend. He pulled open his pen and wrote over where there was once an F sharp over with a G sharp.

“Yeah? How are they?” he asked, trying to sounds as nonchalant and disinterested as possible.

“Good, good. They want us to go to Max’s graduation,” she said before stiffening up her shoulders and putting on a gruff voice to say: “‘You know your little brother only graduates from middle school once!’”

Alec set down the pen and let out a wistful sigh. “Gosh, middle school. Seems like only yesterday that he was spitting up on my church jacket.”

Izzy giggle and said, “I remember that. Mom was so pissed! ‘Do you understand what a hassle going to the dry cleaners on a Sunday is!’”

“Yup,” Alec said, smiling and bobbing his head, “and I got to spend the next two hours in St. Patrick’s Cathedral smelling like spoiled milk.”

“Dad said they’re going to host a party at the house on Sunday to celebrate, so no staying out too late getting handsy with Magnus.”

“We’re not even doing hand stuff,” Alec mumbled. She laughed at that.

“Either way, we’ve gotta be there for him. We hardly get to see him enough as it is, and now they’re sending him away to some boarding school in England. Probably learned their lesson from us that Lightwoods are too prone to getting wild here in the city that never sleeps.”

Alec scoffed and said, “Yeah, because I’m sure a bunch of boys all full of angst and hormones locked away together in some stuffy English school aren’t getting into any kind of trouble. Magnus has said enough to let me know that isn’t true.”

“Ahh, so Magnus was a preppy boarding school boy!” Izzy said, seemingly delighted. “Well, now I know why he’s into a tatted up rock star like you!”

“Yes,” Alec said as he rolled his eyes, “because as we know all the good eyeliner-wearing Catholic boys are usually so uptight.”

“Though speaking of Magnus,” she said as she sat on his bed, seeming to settle in for a longer chat, “do you think it’s a good idea to mention him? I know you haven’t told Mom or Dad yet.”

He most certainly hadn’t. It hadn’t he figured out when he wouldn’t tell them, but over the phone during one of their monthly calls to Alec didn’t seem like the right way to say, _“Hey Mom and Dad! I’ve been taking your barely-legal daughter to a gay club every week for the past two months and I’m dating a 30-something-year-old man who wears makeup everyday and performs rauchy dances in a nun’s habit every other weekend. So what’s new with you?”_

“No, I haven’t. The time just hasn’t seemed right. I want to tell them in person, but it’s not exactly like Mom is inviting me out to after-Mass brunch.”

She leaned over and rubbed her hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Yeah, I know. They’ve always been kinda uptight. Though, maybe after Max’s party you could arrange to have them meet Magnus. He could just about charm the pants off of anyone.” She paused and a teasing tone came into her voice. “Maybe that someone could even be you, Alec.”

“Shut up,” he said jokingly as he shrugged her hand off of his shoulder. “Right, well. My eyes are killing me from staring at this crap. I’m going outside.”

“Fine, don’t talk to your beautiful, experienced baby sister,” she said as she got up to leave as well. “Remember to close the door behind you, you know I hate when that shit gets in the house.”

He muttered, “Yeah, yeah,” as he took his case out from his pocket and rubbed his thumb along the smooth metal edge. He flipped open the case and lit up a smoke, the crummy view of cement buildings not looking too bad in the hazy glow of the warm orange New York dusk.

***

He stood around the edges of the party anxiously, mimosa in hand and palming the case in his pocket. _Maybe I can sneak out for a minute, a quick smoke break to take the edge off_.

Izzy, ever the social butterfly, roamed around the party laughing with people he was pretty sure she had never met before as if they were old friends. He hadn’t seen his father yet, likely in his study working on some last minute bid or call. His mother was strolling through from person to person with Max next to her, introducing them and thanking them for coming.

As much as he loved his little brother and wouldn’t miss this party for the world, his parents’ stuffy parties never failed to fill him with anxiety. Every single one felt like deja vu as he failed to remember people’s names or remembered who they were for all the wrong reasons, like Maryse’s book club friend Emma who was apparently fooling around with the family gardener or the decrepit old man Gerold who went to St. Patrick’s with his mother and once accidentally relieved himself in the middle of service and dribbled liquid shit all the way from his pew to the church restrooms, making the whole place reek of his spinach and Ensure diet.

Alec downed the rest of his mimosa, then turned to see he was suddenly face-to-face with Lydia Branwell. Her face had that sweet all-American girl smile she wore so well and her once knobbly-kneed figure had filled out beautifully. 

_If I was straight, I would have been lucky to marry this girl_.

Alec put on a smile and moved in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Lydia! I wasn’t expecting you here!”

She gave a small kiss back to his opposite cheek and said, “Yes, your mother invited me! I almost didn’t come, but she said you’d be here and I wanted to catch up. It’s been too long!”

“Well, you look amazing. How have you been?” He set down his emptied glass on a nearby end table.

“Oh, absolutely wonderful. I just graduated from Brown with a BA in economics!”

“Quite the accomplishment! A round of applause,” Alec said as he clapped and moved his hands in a circle through the air, making her let out a small chuckle.

“Thank you!” she said as she did a small curtsy. “Actually, probably my best graduation gift is this!” 

She held up her left and on her third finger was a rock that could have knocked out Apollo Creed. He took her hand and examined the stone, dazzlingly glittery even in the soft warm light of the Lightwood house. 

He let out a whistle and said, “Lucky guy. What’s his name, what’s he like?”

“John,” she said with a look about her that seemed to make her look seventeen again. “He’s wonderful, you’ll love him. Just happened to meet him while he was on shore leave two years ago. You know I’ve always been a sucker for guys in uniform.”

“So _that’s_ why you dated the coolest guy in the marching band!” Alec said as he held up a hand to his chest.

She giggled and said, “The marching band had its perks. Plus, I always got to brag that I was dating the tallest guy in the entire eleventh grade.”

He smiled and nodded before saying, “I’m glad. It’s really good to see you happy, Lydia.”

She looked down at her ring, smiling fondly at it before looking back up to Alec. “Well, what about you, Rock Star? You’re still up to no good? [laying with Jace?”

“You know it. But, yeah, we’ve been getting some really consistent gigs at a few places so things are on the up for us.”

“Anything else? Anyone special?” she asked, hands crossed in front of her body with her thumb mindlessly caressing the stone on her finger. Unconsciously, Alec reached and felt the case through the fabric of his slacks. He must have had a goofy look on his face because she suddenly seemed to jump up. “You do! Tell me all about her!”

_Her. On stage, he goes by ‘her’._

“Y--yeah. We’ve been together about two months. She’s a performer, like me. Not a musician though, she’s a dancer. She teaches classes, mostly ballet but she really wants to get into modern dance. And she owns her own business, so I get to play at her bar every week. She’s amazing, really.”

Lydia rubbed his arm and said, “I’m really glad to see you so happy.” She leaned in and pulled him closer. “You know, back in high school, I was pretty sure you were gay.”

Alec felt his eyes go wide and he just about choked on his own spit, coughing into his hands. He caught her eye again, feeling more nervous than when Magnus had pulled him out into the spotlight at Pandemonium.

Lydia’s mouth and eyes went wide open before cracking back into a huge smile. She said in a screaming whisper, “I knew it! I knew it! Oh, Alec, I’m so happy for you!”

Not what he had been expecting.

“Alec, those years in high school were great. Honestly, you were the best boyfriend a seventeen-year-old girl could have asked for. You never pressured me into anything, always complementary and so gentlemanly. But you never even _tried_ to kiss me. Of _course_ I knew. I know we lost touch for a while, but I was so glad when your mother invited me here. I really wanted to see how you were and if you were finally happy.”

Alec let out a shuddering breath and said, “Yeah. I am. He makes me happy.”

Lydia nodded, then pulled the small handbag she had over her shoulder forward and pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen, scribbling something, ripping out the sheet and holding it out to Alec.

“My number. I want to go out sometime. We’ll have a double date.”

Alec reached out and took the paper before slipping it in his pocket and pulling Lydia into a hug. Her arms embraced him back for a moment, then they pulled apart.

“Alright,” Lydia said, flashing him that dazzling smile of hers, “I promised my mother I’d do some mingling, try to get in with the right people. Call me.”

Alec nodded, feeling lighter than he had the whole party. He wandered back over to the drinks table and grabbed another mimosa. Drink in hand, he turned around and was face-to-face with his mother, Max standing close beside her. She huffed out an annoyed breath, but Alec just swooped down to get eye-to-eye with Max.

“Hey, Max! Great party! You liking it so far? How’s being a high schooler feeling?”

His face turned sour. “It’s not fair! You and Isabelle messed everything up and now I’m the one who has to move away!”

Maryse called after Max as he stormed off, but let him go. “He’s been like this. Best to just let him cool off.”

She looked at Alec again, eyes sad before her face reverted back to it’s normal parental scowl. “Oh, Alec. I wish you would have covered that thing up.”

Unconsciously, his hand went up and his fingers ran over the tattoo they had fought so hard about.

“I work my best suit, it would have been a shame to cover it in an oversized scarf.”

She eyed the suit then poked his arm.

“I got that for you when you were eighteen. It barely fits you anymore and it looks like it could come apart at the seams at any moment.” Her eyes softened and she gingerly ran a hand up his arm over the overstretched fabric he had managed to squeeze into. “My boy is all grown up. I wish you’d act like it more or get a real job--”

He couldn’t stop the eyeroll.

“--BUT at least I know you still will always pull through for your family and come home.”

Her eyes were shining. He looked around baffled, barely able to believe what he was seeing. He took her by the shoulders, leading her out of the party and into one of the spare bathrooms. He closed the door behind them and pulled out a handful of tissues from the Kleenex box on the counter, handing her some and using one to dab under her eyes to whisk up the tears that had already started to fall. While he was no wizard with makeup like Magnus was, at least he knew how to not make the smearing from her tears any worse.

“Mom, Mom, what’s wrong?”

She sniffled, then pushed his hand away to dab at her nose with what he had handed her.

“Oh, nothing, nothing. It’s just...it’s been so hard. I’ve missed you and your sister so much, now Max is going too and he’d been so angry. Your father...has been so preoccupied with work. I just miss my family, and I miss my babies.”

He had never seen his mother like this. The last time he had seen her cry was at his grandmother’s funeral, but it was nothing like this. There she had been dignified, a single tear she elegantly dabbed away as she mourned the loss of her mother. Now, she was on the verge of sobbing in front of her oldest child in their spare bathroom.

 _She’s lost weight_. 

He gripped one of her arms and tilted her head up to look at him in the eye. “Mom, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Me and Izzy are just a train ride away, Max can write letters, and Dad will be just down the hallway in his study, where he always is.”

Her face contorted for a moment before she took an unsteady breath out. “Alec, baby...come to church with me next Sunday? Please?”

He had anticipated her asking this, but when he had been prepping to say ‘no’ at home, he had imagined her commanding him to come and himself being firm and steadfast despite her angrily whispering at him about his eternal soul. But watching his mother’s tearful plea now, he just couldn’t.

“Yeah. Of course, Mom.”

“Oh, Alec!” she pulled him into her arms. “Thank you, you have no idea what that means to me!”

She turned and gave him a kiss wet from tears on his cheek.

“I’m such a lucky Mom. I’ve got such beautiful children, even if they do decide to desecrate the bodies I made for them.”

He huffed and said, “Alright, c’mon, Mom. Get cleaned up, I know how much you’d hate for the women in your gardening club to see you like this.”


	8. Chapter 8: Papa Don't Preach

“I should have known,” Magnus purred into his ear. “You certainly are a Momma’s Boy.”

“Hush,” he said with a look. “It’s not like that. I’ve never seen her like that. She’s...always so strong. It was weird, seeing her like that. So...vulnerable. Crying.”

Magnus nodded and stirred his drink with his pinky. “Seeing your parent as a real person for the first time certainly can be surreal. You see they’re just as human as you are.”

Alec shook his head and said, “I just...it’s hard to wrap my head around, y’know? That the woman who lectured me about ‘personal responsibility’ and ‘family duty’ for an hour because I skipped class ONCE in my entire high school career to get Jack in the Box with Jace could be reduced to...crying in the bathroom during a party.”

Alec took Magnus’ hand in his and squeezed.

“Would you...come? To the service, I mean. I know you’re more for making religion sexually deviant and we can’t exactly go together since I don’t think in front of St. Patrick’s with my crying mother is really the best place for telling her that I’ve been dating a man. But knowing you were there in that church with me would really mean a lot.”

Magnus pursed his lips for a moment before giving a tense smile.

“Alright. We’ll just have to hope I don’t burst into flames upon going inside.”

Alec pressed kisses to Magnus’ lips, whispering between each, “ _ thank you, thank you, thank you _ .”

***

“Oh, this one would look so smart on you,” Maryse said, holding up a dark navy suit jacket to Alec’s chest.

He looked in the mirror at himself and pressed the jacket up with one hand comparing the tan tones of his skin to the blue. He had only been mildly surprised when she called him Wednesday night to ask if he could go shopping with her on Thursday for something new to wear that didn’t make him “look like Lou Ferrigno about to rip through his top!” He stipulated that he needed to be back by 3pm to prep for the night’s show, but agreed all the same.  _ Some quality time with my mother. What could go wrong? _ He snorted.

“Are you sure it would be Father O’Connor approved?” he asked, eyeing her with a smirk.

“You’ve been away from the Mother for too long,” she said with a tut, though Alec couldn’t help but chortle at the joke she just unknowingly made. “He became archbishop three years ago. Father Clermont runs the church now.”

“Didn’t know. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Father O’Connor.”   
“He was a very nice man, and he’s Archbishop O’Connor now, so show some respect. I taught you better than that.”

_ All that stuff he said about gays, AIDS, and condoms wasn’t so nice. _

“If you say so, Mom. What about the black one?”

She waved her hand and made a face. “You’re always trying to dress like you’re going to a funeral! Not today, not when I’m getting you something nice to wear with me to church! Now try this one on.”

He shrugged out of the heather grey one she had him put on earlier and put on the blue one. She gasped and clasped her hands together. “Oh, Alec! You look so handsome! If your Grandfather Adam--God rest his soul--had scribbled a Sharpie all over himself, you’d look just like him.”

“You think so?” Alec asked, smoothing out the dress shirt underneath and turning to see how it looked from another angle. “I always thought I looked more like Dad.”

Her lips pursed for a moment, then her face relaxed again. “No, not right now. Right now, it’s like Mary herself brought down a vision of my father back to me. This is the one. I’m so happy, Alec. Thank you for letting me do this.”

He smiled and gripped her hand. “Of course, Mom.”

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. When he looked at her again, she was wiping her eyes.

“Hey, c’mon,” he said, smiling and shaking the hand he still held. “What’s with the waterworks?”

“Oh, it’s just...this is how I imagine things could be all the time. Getting to be with you and your siblings. Someday, we could be here again, looking for the suit you’ll wear to your wedding.”

His smile faltered and he said, “Well, you’ll have to wait a while for that.”

***

Sunday seemed to come too soon. An admittedly way-too-late-for-waking-for-7am-Mass night made him glad he brought his new suit over to Magnus’.

Everytime he brought over a new item to Magnus’, Izzy wiggled her brows and Clary said “Oh-la-la!”, and he was tired of explaining that even if they were serious, they were still taking it slow.

As much as Alec wasn’t ready to go all the way for the first time, Magnus wasn’t ready to go all the way again. Even though he assured Alec that he was the only one in his life, there were clearly still ghosts in his bedroom of lovers mostly taken by the virus.

_ Alec flipped through the photo album, every once in a while stopping to ask Magnus about the people he was with. He paused on one of Magnus, a woman, and a man in a Ye Olde Tyme style. _

_ “Who are they?” he asked, pointing to the photo.  _

_ Magnus looked over, then quickly looked away. “Old flames. Camille and I spent a summer together, but she ended up being a complete witch. The other is Ragnor.” _

_ “Weird name.” _

_ “He was a great man. I knew him for a long time. He’s actually the one who introduced me to the New York scene.” _

_ Alec looked at him while Magnus attempted to look casual while staring at his drink. “‘Was’? Was he...?” _

_ Magnus quickly shook his head. “No, he was gone before all that. This picture is from ‘78, a year before he died. He walked alone into the wrong bar on the wrong night and flirted with the wrong guy, a piece of shit called Valentine or something. He, uh. They found him the next morning. He ended up basically just a red smear on the Jersey Bridge. Apparently he was still alive when they tied him to the bumper.” _

Nightmares and mementos of past loves in the life of Magnus Bane kept things from getting too  _ involved _ when it came to bedroom activities. But whether or not Magnus and he had consummate certain aspects of their relationship was not information his roommates needed to know, though they inferred and teased all the same.

_ “You know,” Izzy said at dinner, “I bet being gay makes it easier. You get to take turns instead of just one party constantly insisting on doing anal.” _

_ Jace laughed and pointed his fork at Alec, saying though a mouthful of pasta, “No way! Have you seen my brother? Alec is a real man’s man. With the makeup and dresses, Magnus is halfway to being a woman already. No offense.” _

_ Alec chose to not show him annoyance on his face, instead waiting till Jace took another sip of his beer to say, “I have it on good authority that Magnus knows exactly how and where to put his cock.” _

_ Watching Jace spit his beer back onto his plate had been worth it. _

Alec and Magnus took a cab together to around the corner from the church. Magnus chose to not wear any makeup at all today and his hair slicked down into a side part. He looked naked without the dark smoky look around his eyes, but still had freshed up with some concealer to “Keep these bags checked,” as Magnus said while he beat his face that morning. 

They parted ways before reaching the front of the church, with Magnus walking in first and Alec about a minute behind him.

He looked around to see where Magnus sat. Lo, and behold, he sat two pews behind the one and only Maryse Lightwood. Alec walked past him, trying to not look at him as he approached his mother. Her head was bowed, hands clasped together on her lap, eyes shut, and brows furrowed. He lightly placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked up and beamed at him.

“Oh, Alec! You made it on time! They’re just about to start.”

She reached her arms up and beckoned him into a hug, kissing his cheek, then scooted down to allow him to sit next to the aisle before placing her hands back onto her lap.

The service began typically enough with the standard rites and prayers. Then the lector moved onto the lesson for the day.

“Forgiveness,” the man began.

Maryse sat very still, but reached next to her and took Alec’s hand in her own. He looked at her, but her posture was stiff and her eyes remained transfixed.

“God gives men and women to each other to love and to cherish. It can be difficult to keep those bonds and promises for some, as we are all born with sin and lusts in our hearts. Does that mean that we should break promises back?” He paused. “No. For the Lord made us each, one man for one woman. A man taking another woman doesn’t make it right for a wife to break the holy bonds that God created to bring them together. Those vows are sacred and to break them would be a--”

Maryse suddenly turned to Alec and whispered, “ _ Let’s go _ .”

“ _ What? _ ” he whispered back, but she was already lifting him up and dragging him by the hand that she had grabbed earlier. Alec caught Magnus’ eye as his mom dragged him along, the older man looking just as baffled, but when Alec turned around, Magnus had begun to walk out of the church behind him.

They walked out, Maryse and Alec, then Magnus from the church doors, and she flung herself into Alec’s arms, sobs wracking her body.

“Mom,” he said into her hair as he rubbed her back, “Mom, please. What’s going on?”

“I--I--didn’t want--your father--he--and she--”

And it all clicked.

“Mom,” Alec started slowly, “is Dad having an affair?”

Maryse gripped onto him tighter before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes.”

Alec looked over at Magnus, who stood about 10 feet away. His face was unreadable for a moment, but then he suddenly seemed to switch something on and he closed the gap. He placed a gentle hand on Maryse’ back, who looked up at him, mascara running. He pulled out a handkerchief from his breast pocket and offered it to her. Gingerly, she lifted up a hand to take it.

“You know,” Magnus said. “I know a fabulous deli with one of the best chicken soups in the city just a few blocks from here. These things are always better to deal with on a full stomach, right?”


	9. Chapter 9: Sally, Go 'Round the Roses

“You were absolutely right about this soup, Magnus,” Maryse said through a mouthful of carrot and onion. “How did you find this place?”

He smiled contentedly at her while he sipped from his coffee, then said, “I do love supporting our local businesses. And I love getting to know every kind of person. The more people I meet, the more I learn. While I can’t walk a mile in everyone’s shoes, the least I can do is try to talk to every set of shoes I come across.”

“You know, when my kids were little, they tried making a soup like this after my mom died,” she said as she began to laugh. “It was terrible!”

Alec’s jaw dropped and he looked to Magnus who was covering his mouth with his hand.

“Mom, you said you loved it!” 

“Oh sweetie, no,” she said, “I love you and your sister, and that I raised kids who would do something so thoughtful to try to make their mom feel better. But it was awful.”

“Kids always seem to pick up after their parents in one way or another,” Magnus said.

“You’re very kind, Magnus.” She smiled pleasantly as she dabbed her lips. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at St. Patrick’s before?” 

“Because I’ve never been there before,” Magnus stated simply. “I’m a bit of a lapsed Catholic myself, but I think like every lapsed Catholic, I’m still very much Catholic at heart. Every so often I get the desire to go back, light a candle, and smell the incense.”

She nodded and stared at the remnants in her bowl, slowly spinning her spoon around. She licked her lips then said, “Do you not go anymore because you’re gay?”

Alec had been about to swallow when she asked that, and he nearly choked as it went down the wrong pipe, “Mom!”

“No, that’s alright,” Magnus said, holding a hand up to Alec. “Would it be a problem if I were?”

“It’s not a matter of if I have a problem with it or not,” she answered avoidantly. “It’s a matter of the sins of the flesh.”   
“And what about sins of thought?” Magnus asked, folding his hands in front of himself.

“Well,” she began, clearly trying to think through her points. “We all have thoughts, good and evil ones. And even in our thoughts we can commit sins. Wishing death on others can be the same sin as actually killing. And for lusts, the urges that people get to...be with who they aren’t supposed to be. As far as I know, those don’t come from God. Wanting those you’re not supposed to have is giving in to sin, whether you act on it or not, can be sinful.”

“Even if you never act on it and you can’t control your own thoughts, is a gay person still committing a sin?” Magnus asked.

“People have control over their own thoughts.”

“So when you see some hot guy walking down the street, you don’t ever think how good looking he is?” Magnus asked calmly as he took another sip.

She shook her head, “Admiration and lust aren’t the same.”   
“Aren’t it though? Isn’t the reason you admire a good-looking man because you think he might be nice to kiss?”

She shook her head with a sad smile and shrugged. “I guess I don’t know. It’s all confusing to me. Maybe I’ve committed adultery a hundred times, for admiring men who aren’t my husband. Never in deed…but in mind, maybe I have. That’s for God to decide. I only know what I’ve been taught. That acting on bodily desires, whether or not thoughts are sins, tarnishes the body. By committing bodily sins, we desecrate the bodies the Lord has graced us with.”

“Like getting a tattoo?” Alec interjected, his gaze fixed on her. 

Maryse looked at him, eyes searching. She took his hand in hers. “Alec, I know I haven’t been kind about them. I can’t say I’ll ever approve. But sweetheart, I love you. Whether or not I approve of what you’ve done with your body, you’ll always be my son.”

Alec let out the breath he’d been holding and squeezed his mother’s hand. Suddenly, he heard a sniffle to his other side and saw Magnus, napkin covering most of his face. He reached over and placed his hand on his arm. Maryse looked between her son and Magnus for a moment before placing her own hand on Magnus’ shoulder.

“Magnus...it’s alright,” she said in her softest, most motherly voice.

His body shook with a sob, but he didn't take his face out of the napkin.

***

Magnus parted ways with Maryse and Alec, but not before Maryse pressed something into Magnus’ hand.

“Here. If you ever want to have brunch again sometime. Maybe we can talk more. After all, you did say you liked talking to everyone,” she said, smiling softly.

He nodded and said, “I’d like that.”

Maryse and Alec took a cab together back to the Lightwood home.

“Alec, I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t go around talking about this. Things are strained now between your father and I and I’m not sure exactly what’s in store for us yet.”   
“He cheated on you, Mom,” Alec stated curtly. “Divorce him.”

“That’s not...Alec, we’re Catholic.”

“So? There are divorced Catholics. It’s not like you’re just doing it on a whim. He committed adultery!”

“And divorce is a sin too,” she stated. 

He huffed, and said, “Maybe some sins need to be committed. You’re not happy, Mom.”

She shook her head, but didn’t say anything the rest of the ride.

Pulling up to the house, Maryse cleared her throat and walked beside her son, then she stopped as they reached the door and held his arm for a moment.

“Alec, thank you for this week. Humoring your old mom. Even after I got all hysterical and ruined your nice new shirt.”

He looked down and lifted the lapel of his jacket to see two faint black smears on his white button down.

“Mom, I don’t care about some shirt. I care about you. C’mon, let’s go inside. It’s been a long day, maybe you might like a lie-down.”

“Yeah,” she said absent-mindedly, like the exhaustion of the morning just hit her. “That sounds nice.”

He led her up the stairs through the old brownstone to his parents’ bedroom. Helped her take off her shoes, then closed the dark curtains. “Get some rest, Mom,” he said as he shut the door behind him. 

He wandered through the house before ending up at his father’s study. It was empty. He walked in and sat at the desk. Looking around his father’s desk it was mostly barren as if he hadn’t been working here in a while. On the desk, the only picture was of the three kids from years ago from right around when Max was first born. He quickly spun around in the chair before coming back around to look at the phone. He opened up the center drawer of the desk and fished out one of his father’s business cards. He ran his finger tips over the thick card stock, then picked up the receiver and dialed the number before he lost his nerve. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. After a minute he sighed angrily and slammed the phone down. 

He stood up, pulling out his wallet and putting it in next to Magnus’ before pulling out his case and walking out the door. He sat down on the stoop out front and hung the cigarette from his lips while he pulled out the book of matches from his jacket pocket. He knew his mother would have had a fit seeing him dirtying up his nice new suit already by sitting on the ground, but he was starting to feel so bonedead tired that he didn’t care. Lighting up, he looked around the curb. His father’s car was nowhere to be seen. Down the street, he could hear some kids playing.  _ I wonder if Max is with them _ .

Max had always had an easy time getting along with others and seemed to make himself fit wherever he went. Out of any of them to leave for England, Max would be the one who could survive it. Alec would have thrown a fit and insisted that Jace and Izzy came too, while Izzy would have shed a nonstop flood of tears till their father gave in. But Max could handle it. At his age, Alec was painfully self-conscious and shy while Izzy had always had a will of iron and could often be abrasive. Max was confident and flexible, approachable and smart, goofy and charming.  _ A strong kid, stronger than I ever was _ .

He put out his cigarette by mashing it into the side of the steps and walked back inside over to the coffee maker. Ever creatures of habit, despite not living with them for nearly six years at this point, he still knew where to find the grounds and filters. He made it strong, like his mom liked it, popping in a sugar for her and a splash of milk for him and carried the mugs upstairs. It had only been about half an hour, but he figured he didn’t want to just leave her sleeping the day away in bed. He carefully balanced the mugs as he turned the handle into the master bedroom. At his entry, he heard her stir.

“Robert?”

“It’s me, Mom. I brought you some coffee.”

She sat up, the room still dark so he could just barely see her in the light coming in from the doorway he entered through. “Thank you, Alec.”

He held out hers and she gently took it from his hands.

“I had an idea,” he said. She mumbled an affirmative sound into her mug. “Why not take Max out next weekend, take a day trip to Upstate? I’m sure he and one or two of his friends could have a blast tearing out some energy in nature. A chance to see New England before going to Old England.”

“That’s a nice idea, Alec. I think I’d like to get out of the city, even for a day. Spend some time with him. Would you be able to come? Maybe we could go out, the four of us.”   
Alec shook his head, “I’d love to, but Izzy and I have work. She works every Saturday and I’ve got a lot to prep for. Cover arrangements, plus a few new songs Jace and I have been working on. Maybe us four could do a family dinner though.”

“Why did I ever let you move out?”

“I think we both know that there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop me. Jace was moving out of his dad’s the second he turned 18 and I would have followed him just about anywhere.”

She was quiet and in the dark he couldn’t see her face.

“His girlfriend just moved in with us. Took some time to get used to having the bathroom completely taken over with two girls, but she’s nice enough. You might like her.”

“I think you’re right. About going upstate. Have Max invite a few friends and get out of the smog for a day and let them be kids out in the world. Could you open the curtains?”

He got off of the edge of the bed where he had been sitting and let the light in again.

***

His mother had insisted on the cab, pretting the fare money into his hand. Getting to lie down in his own bed twenty minutes later, he decided he should call her later and thank her. He just barely had a mind to take off his button down, jacket, and slacks, leaving on his undershirt and pulling on a pair of sweatpants. After a long and dreamless sleep, he stumbled out of his room and out of his room, cigarette case in hand.

In the kitchenette area of their apartment, huddled together at the table, he saw Jace and Clary and heard muffled sounds of sniffling. Jace was murmuring something to her ear, clearly trying to comfort her in some way.

“Hey,” he said announcing himself. Neither looked up, still in the same position with Jace protectively covering over most of her shaking doubled-over form. “What’s going on? What happened?”

“Clary’s mom,” Jace stated, his voice hoarse and low. “Doctors think it was an aneurysm. Her step-dad found her last night. He rushed her to the hospital, but...”

A hard shake and a strained sound came from Clary at that moment.

“God,” Alec said, snapping his case closed and putting it in the pocket of his sweats. “I’m so sorry, Clary.”

He walked over and, unsure of what to do, put his hand on her shoulder like his mother had for Magnus at brunch. Her hand moved immediately to on top of his.

“It hurts,” she cried, her voice coming out sounding strangled.

He knelt down and brought his other arm around the pair. Clary buried her face into his neck and he could feel tears soaking through his shirt for the second time that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your support! I can't tell you guys what your comments mean, everyone has been so lovely. You guys inspire me, including in some potential plot points...


	10. Chapter 10: Boy Blue

Alec felt strange, standing at the hole this woman he never met was about to be put in.

_ Alec knocked on the door to Magnus’ place on Monday afternoon, needing a short reprieve from the grief that seemed to be permeating the walls of the apartment. Magnus opened the door with a flourish and immediately noticed the new dyed white streak in his hair and that he was all dressed up. _

_ “Woah, you look…” Amazing? Handsome? _

_ “I was bored,” Magnus said absentmindedly, opening the door wider for him as a silent invitation. _

_ “You look good,” he said as he stepped in and walked past Magnus and over to one of his couches. Magnus shut the door and followed suit, sitting beside him. _

_ “I heard about Clary from the other girls at the academy. Such a shame, she was still quite young. At least aneurysms are supposed to be nearly painless, almost like getting a headache or dizzy spell before suddenly. You know.” _

_ “That’s what Jace said the doctors told them. I guess that’s comforting.” _

_ Magnus took Alec’s hands in his and smoothed his thumb over Alec’s knuckles. _

_ “She asked me to come on Saturday. I feel weird though. I never met Mrs. Fray.” _

_ Magnus sighed, then brought Alec’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the knuckle on his index finger before bringing their hands back down to rest between them. _

_ “I’ve been to a lot of funerals, more than I’d like. It’s important to go when you’re asked. Even if you didn’t know her, you know Clary, and she wanted you there,” Magnus told him. “Funerals are for the living. Be there for her.” _

_ “I haven’t been to a funeral since my Nana when I was a kid. If I asked you to come too, would you be there for me?” _

Magnus squeezed his hand comfortingly. They took a step back as the pallbearers moved forward and gently placed the casket down onto the lowering device. Luke placed his hand one last time to the top of his wife’s casket before he went to where his step-daughter stood and put her hand in his. The sun shone brightly off of the vibrant white casket.  _ It’s far too nice of a day to be burying someone’s mother. It should be raining, like in the movies. _

But he supposed Clary’s tears were more than enough water as they dripped down her chin and onto the grass of the cemetery. Luke seemed stoic enough as he looked at the box holding the woman he loved, but the puffiness around his eyes gave away how much he had been crying before carrying Jocelyn to her final resting place.

He had never been to an episocalian funeral before. It felt familiar enough, yet still alien. The prayers and hymns they sang in the church were so sweet and sad, he couldn’t stop the tears that began to come unbidden, blurring his vision. The warmth emanating from Magnus’ shoulder pressed flush against his gave him the strength to not let the tears fall. 

_ I don’t even know her. But knowing Clary. So I think I might have liked to meet her _ .

The priest held up his Bible here before them, reading out a few passages before finally reciting a prayer committing her body to the earth and her soul to Heaven.

The strangers, all of these people who must have loved Jocelyn or at least knew her, walked over to Clary and Luke to give them their condolences. Alec stood with Magnus for a while and let everyone give her their sympathies, watching the cemetery employee lowering Jocelyn down into her burial vault. Once the crowd cleared out enough, he walked up to them. Clary gave them a teary smile.

“Thank you guys for coming. Did you sign the book?” she asked.

“Yeah, when we came in. I’m really sorry. Do you guys need anything?”   
Luke shook his head. “No, we’re gonna be alright. We have some final bits of paperwork to complete before we go, then me and my daughter are going to go to her mom’s favorite spot and have a nice dinner. Everything else is...just going to take time.”

Alec let go of Magnus’ hand and wrapped his arms around Clary. She delicately brought the hand that wasn’t in Luke’s up to Alec’s lower back. He heard her murmur against his chest, “Thank you for coming.”

He moved away from her and Magnus moved forward to hug her, saying, “I’m so sorry, biscuit.”

She smiled sadly and said, “I’ll see you guys later at home. I might stay the night with Luke.”

Jace, standing behind her, came around taking her hand for a moment and pressing a kiss onto her temple. “Whatever you need, whenever you’re ready.”

He put an arm around Alec and began to walk out of the cemetery with them.

“Man,” he said, “this is such bullshit. She wasn’t sick. She was fine.”

“These things just happen sometimes,” Magnus said sadly. “Good people, healthy people, people we love.”

After walking out of view of the cemetery, Magnus reached into his breast pocket and pulled out his cigarette case. They each took one.

“I just hate how this is hurting her and I can’t do anything. Nothing I say can bring her mom back.”

“All you can do is be there for her. She might not be alright for a while, but your support could do wonders for that girl.”

Jace cracked a smile. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I just wish there was something I could do for her now.”

“Well,” Alec said. “You could tidy up your room.”

Jace rolled his eyes.

“Actually, no, that might be really nice,” Magnus said, holding up a hand towards Jace. “She might need some change. She might struggle to get back to normal, having the place cleaned up so she doesn’t have to deal with it might take off some pressure.”

Jace shrugged, seeming to consider it. “Tidying. Right. Probably not what she’ll be in the mood to take care of for a while. Alright. Well, I’m headed back. Thank you, guys.”

He waved and walked away toward the station, leaving just Alec and Magnus. They looked at each other. Alec dropped his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out, Magnus following suit.

“Magnus,” he said. “I’ve been thinking. This week, everything. It has been total bullshit. Watching people crying and dealing with all of this crap they shouldn’t have to.”

He took Magnus’ hands in his.

“I don’t think I could have been able to deal with it without you. Magnus, I love you.”

The gloomy look faded from Magnus’ face, melting into some brighter emotion.

“I love you too.”

Alec leaned forward pressing forward and kissing Magnus with every emotion that had built up in him during the funeral, all the anger, the sadness, and the relief at having this man beside him. It felt too soon before they finally broke the kiss.

“I’ve got that meeting to go to in an hour,” Alec said. “But I’ll see you later.”

Magnus smiled, “Yes. You will.”

With that, they parted ways too.

***

_ Alec took a drag as he ran his thumb across the bumpy surface of the card. It was Tuesday. He’d be in the office now for sure. He picked up the phone he had taken from its usual spot, the cord just long enough for him to take it out to the balcony where Izzy wouldn’t hear him. He pressed in the digits and the other line began to ring. _

_ “This is Robert Lightwood speaking.” _

_ “Hi, Dad,” Alec said. _

_ “Alec, hi. What’s up kiddo? Did something happen?” _

_ Certainly, something did. _

_ “Hey, I need to talk to you in person. I’m going to a funeral on Saturday, but could I meet you after? Say, around four?” _

_ “Ah, I had plans, but I can rearrange them. Four sounds good. Unless you wanted to talk about it now?” _

_ “No, I want to see you. I’ll meet you at the house?” _

_ “Alright then. I’ll see you then. Bye, Son.” _

It was still about a quarter till when he arrived, but he decided he didn’t want to wait outside his own childhood home for fifteen minutes like a stranger.

He walked in while calling, “Dad, I’m home!”

A minute later, Robert Lightwood came down the steps. 

“Hey, Son. You’re early. Want anything to drink?”

“Water would be nice,” he said, engaging with the small pleasantries before he knew things would get ugly.

Robert pulled out two glasses from one of the cupboards and turned on the tap, filling each in turn then handing Alec his glass.

“So,” he said as Alec went over to the dining room table and took a seat opposite from where his father was standing, “what did you want to talk about, Son?”

Alec looked him square in the eye. “I know what you’ve been doing to Mom.”

Robert looked down at his feet for a moment, then sat down.

“Alec, I made a mistake.”

“One you keep making,” Alec accused. “I came here last weekend with Mom. You weren’t here and you weren’t at the office. You haven’t been going to church with Mom and I know you hate golf. So where else could you have been?”

Robert sighed, then said, “Look, Alec, your mother and I have a complicated relationship--”

“There’s nothing complicated about it, you’re cheating on her.”

“I fell in love. You know what that’s like.”

Alec’s eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“Maybe you’d understand if you had kids of your own,” Robert said. “You think a father can’t tell when his firstborn Son is in love?”

Alec was silent, but it felt like his heart beat was pounding loud enough that his father could have heard it from the other side of the table.

“You know I’m gay.”

“How could I not?” his father stated rather than asked. “It was hard at first. There are things you want for your children. I wanted you to get a nice stable job that made you happy, I wanted you to fall in love and to get married, I wanted you to get to raise a family of your own. But the first time I saw you looking at Jace Wayland, I knew that the sort of life I wanted for you wasn’t going to be the one you wanted.”

Alec took a drink of his water, willing his mind to not go a mile a minute.

“Me being gay isn’t like this. What you’re doing to Mom is cruel.”

“I know. I never meant to hurt you, or your mother.”

“Are you going to leave her?”

“There are conversations your mother and I still need to have. I just couldn’t...I haven’t been able to bring up that topic with her yet. She’s a stubborn woman. You take after her in that way. But you also get her strength.”

“Well, then you need to stop being weak. Be a man and do the right thing,” Alec said before looking down at his water, feeling unable to look at the broken look on his father’s face any longer. “I have a boyfriend.”

He heard his father let out a sigh, though he wasn’t sure if it was from relief or dread. “What’s his name?”

“Magnus. He’s...wonderful. I really love him, Dad.”

“I’m happy for you, Son. And I hope Magnus makes you truly happy.”

“He does.”

***

It felt like his whole body was buzzing. Anxiety was rippling through him, and yet he felt lighter than he had in a long time. He practically bounced up to Maia, who gave him a confused crooked smile as he approached.

“You look...excited? What’s up?” she asked.

“Two shots of whatever your favorite is,” he answered. She cocked her head, but seemed amused. She grabbed what looked like tequila off of one of the shelves and grabbed two shot glasses and poured.

“Magnus is still getting ready, so he won’t be able to take his for a while.”   
“Second shot isn’t for him, it’s for you.”

“Ah, no can do. I have a ‘no shots with customers’ rule I abide by. Otherwise, I’d be on the floor before 9pm on any given Saturday,” she said as she pushed the shots toward him.

He shook his head and pushed one back towards her. “Not taking ‘no’ for an answer. This is a special occasion.”

She laughed and asked, “What could be so special that I start breaking my own rules?”

“I came out to my dad. He said he’s happy for me.”

Her eyebrows shot up and she cracked the biggest smile he’d ever seen her with. “Holy shit, no kidding! Well, I guess some rules are made to be broken!”

They lifted their glasses together and dinked them before sinking them. It burned all the way down, but Alec just grimaced and slammed the glass down.

“It’s wild though. He said he knew! For years! And he asked what my boyfriend’s name was!”

“I’m happy for you, genuinely. But no more shots for me, I gotta work. You want anything else?”

“Uh...what’s your favorite drink? I’ll have whatever that is.”

She grabbed the tequila bottle again, a highball glass, and poured in a shot with something fizzy from the tap. “Here is your tequila lemonade, my good sir. It is criminally delicious.”

The tequila taste was still strong, but the fizz and lemonade helped temper it somewhat. “It’s different. Thank you, Maia.”

“You’re welcome, pretty boy. Your honey isn’t out for another forty-five minutes, so hang tight.”

In spite of how mixed he felt about the conversation with his father and the day as a whole, he couldn’t help himself but feel...chipper? Not a feeling he was used to. He came out, at least to his father, he has a man who loves him, and he was about to watch his handsome boyfriend perform. He realized as people shuffled in that he was overdressed, still wearing the black suit he picked up with his mother during that week for the funeral, since he didn’t feel his new blue one would be appropriate.

_ “We’ll save the blue one for church,” Maryse said solemnly. _

He waited, slowly sipping at his drink, taking it slow since the shot had hit him a lot faster than he’d anticipated.

Finally, 8pm rolled around and the lights went down.

Instead of one of his usual colorful or revealing numbers, Magnus was dressing in an all-black floor-length dress and had a black veil over his eyes. As energetic as the music was, it seemed sad somehow. The three songs he performed to were all minor key, fitting in well with his somber attire. While Alec would have normally gone up to the balcony to watch away from the crowd, he was entranced by the performance and melted in with the other bodies among the group. After Magnus had taken his curtsy and as he began to shuffle off the dance floor, Alec intercepted him and wrapped his arms around Magnus’ waist.

“Hey, you were great tonight!” Alec exclaimed.

Alec lifted up the veil and was startled by the red puffy eyes of Magnus Bane.

“Can you take me home now? Please?”


	11. Chapter 11: You Light Up My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: mention of suicide.

Magnus’ hair was still damp and floppy from his shower as he walked over to his mini bar and grabbed various liqueurs from beneath the tray. Whatever he started mixing, it ended up being a neon salmon sort of color. He poured two glasses, pressing one into Alec's hands.

"Drink with me," he commanded.

Alec's brows furrowed as he smelled the concoction. He took a sip, the liquid feeling thick as it coated his tongue, and was overcome with the sickly-sweet artificial cherry flavor. 

_ Apparently you can perfectly replicate the taste of Robitussin at home. _

He scowled and gingerly placed the glass on Magnus' coffee table, hoping to never have to take another sip of whatever abomination flavor combination he had created. He smoothed his hands over the sweatpants he had changed into after sending Magnus into the bathroom to get cleaned up after they got back from Pandemonium.

_ “Do you exercise in your sleep?” Magnus mocked as he removed his remaining pieces of jewelry and set them in the box atop his vanity.  _

_ Alec chuckled as he threw the duvet over his feet. “Not all of us wear silk pajamas to bed.” _

_ Magnus ran his hand elegantly down the buttoned front of his own matching sleep set, then moved to his side of the bed and got in as well. “What can I say? I’m a traditional sort of man. Though, I do appreciate that you look like you’re on the skins side of a basketball game.” _

_ Magnus brought his hand up to Alec’s chest and began making soft little circular motions on his skin. _

_ “I’ve always loved a man who had a good amount of hair on his chest. With you, it’s like I’ve got my own personal Burt Reynolds.” _

_ “Should I grow a mustache? Complete the look?” Alec teased, rolling onto his side and dragging his hand over Magnus’ hip. _

_ “Hmm,” Magnus hummed, then kissed him. Pulling back and with a devilish twinkle in his eye, he said, “Only if you’re planning to offer up rides on it.” _

_ “Your own personal Luna Park here in Greenwich?” he joked. _

_ “Please,” Magnus said, moving in closer so that their chests were flush together and bringing the up the hand from his chest to tangle into the hair on the back of Alec’s head, which was starting to get too long for Alec’s liking. “You are most certainly an Action Park.” _

Magnus sat at the couch across from him now, sipping from his martini glass and looking around the room.

“Maybe I should put on some music? I’m in a Mama Cass sort of mood,” Magnus said suddenly, starting to get up to go over to his record player.

“Magnus,” Alec called out, which made Magnus freeze. “What’s wrong?”

Magnus gave him a small tense smile. “Alexander, nothing is wrong. I’m fine.”

Magnus sat back down and took a big gulp from his glass, then said, “I’m sorry if I worried you. It was just a long day, the show and the funeral wore me out.”

“It’s more than that,” Alec argued. “Please. Talk to me.”

Magnus’ worried his lips together, then took another drink while avoiding looking up to Alec’s face. Alec moved from his spot on the couch, walking around the coffee and kneeling before Magnus. He put his hands on Magnus’ knees and moved his face up close to his so that Magnus would have no choice but to look him straight in the eye. “Magnus.”

Magnus let out a shaky sign, downing the rest of his drink before holding out his empty glass to Alec and indicating to him to set it down on the table, which Alec did before bringing his hand back to where it was on Magnus’ knee.

“I’ve told you before,” he said in a low voice, “that my mother passed when I was very young. Today at the funeral, it brought up a lot of memories. Ones I had tried hard to bury and forget.”

Magnus took a pregnant pause, squaring his shoulders and seeming to try to regain some of his composure.

“She killed herself. Because of me.”

Alec stayed very still, trying not to break the spell that had come over that made Magnus suddenly open up to him like this.

“She had a hard life. My father was--is--not a good man. He was older and apparently quite charming, and they had a fling when she met him as a substitute teacher in her senior year of high school. When she found out she was pregnant, he left and the school wouldn’t abide having a pregnant 17-year-old wandering the halls. She was forced to drop out to have me. Being a single teenage mother in the early 50s made her life very difficult. People always thought she was my big sister, then would completely ostracize her when they found out she was my mother.”

Magnus rubbed his face and took a deep breath.

“When I was three, she had a nervous breakdown. The doctors diagnosed her as a schizophrenic. She was institutionalized for a while and my grandparents made my father take me in while she was locked away. Once she got out, she immediately took me back. I think Asmodeus was glad of that. But she came back a lot worse for wear, practically skin and bone. She refused to send me to school, insisting that I needed to be home school so that they wouldn’t take me away. Family sent us money, since my mother could barely hold down a job. She always had some boyfriend we would be living with, though I’m not sure that any of my ‘step-fathers’ ever lasted more than six months. When I was about six, she started calling me a demon.”

Tears began to silently flow from Magnus’ eyes.

“She would scream that I was a curse, that I was her punishment. The last thing she ever said to me was screaming that I wasn’t her son when I ran out of the house. I tried running away, but I was little and I didn’t know where I was going. I made it maybe two city blocks before going back. I found her.”

Alec brought his hand up and ran his thumb across Magnus’ cheek and disrupted the wet line that had formed there.

“It wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid and she was sick. Magnus, you’re not a demon.”

Magnus’ chin and lower lip quivered for a moment as he looked at Alec. Then he leaned over and buried his face into Alec’s shoulder. The soft cotton of his shirt stuck to Magnus’ face and Alec brought his arms around him to hold him close.

“Take me to bed, Alexander,” Magnus said softly.

They stood up together and Alec kept his hand on Magnus’ lower back as they went into the bedroom. He led Magnus to his side of the bed and held the covers open for him to slip in then covered him back up. Alec moved around to his own side of the bed, turning off the light before tucking in himself.

Magnus moved in close to Alec, and Alec brough his arms around him to hold him. Magnus came in closer so their bodies were completely flush together, and tilted his head up to kiss him. Alec kissed back gently, hoping to comfort him. Magnus began moving against him, trying to deepen the kiss. He brought around his hand to Alec’s ass and pushed their hips together. Alec let him for a moment before pulling back.

“Magnus, what--”   
“Alexander, please. I’m ready. I want this.”

Magnus’ lips were back on his in an instant and the hand on his ass squeezed hard. Alec moved his arms from around Magnus and he grabbed Magnus’ shoulders and pushed back.

“Magnus, stop.This isn’t...I don’t want the first time to be like this. I don’t want it to be because you're sad or because you’ve been drinking. Trust me, I want to. I--I think I’m ready. But not now. I don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t,” Magnus tried to insist.

“Magnus, I’m afraid that if we rush into this now after everything...I’m afraid that I may lose you.”

Magnus stopped moving and Alec could hear a sniffle in the dark. He took his hands off of Alec and brought them in close to his own chest, shifting his body away from him. Alec took Magnus’ head in his hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you,” he murmured against his skin. “C’mon. Let’s get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning, I promise.”

***

Alec woke the next day with Magnus nestled under his arm, still fast asleep. He watched him for a while, admiring his handsome relaxed face. It was nice, seeing him so at peace after the events of the day previous. He idly ran his fingers through Magnus’ hair for a time, before he began to feel his stomach start to grumble. Trying his best to not shift Magnus from his sleeping position, he moved as quietly as he could out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

_ “How do you like your eggs?” he heard someone whisper. He opened his eyes and was facing a happy-looking Magnus Bane. _

_ “Eggs?” Alec said, voice still thick with sleep. _

_ “I have a tradition. The first time I have someone special stay the night, I make their favorite kind of eggs the next morning.” _

_ Alec blushed. “We--we only slept. We barely even did anything.” _

_ “Exactly. We slept here, together. I’m partial to overeasy with a slice of toast. What do you want me to make for you?” _

Conceptually, Alec knew how to make an overeasy egg, though he was used to being lazy and just making a hot-and-fast scramble. Trying to make as little noise as possible, Alec started searching the cabinets for a skillet when the phone began to ring. 

Cursing under his breath, he ran to grab it before it could wake up Magnus.

“Bane residence,” he answered.

“ _ Alec? Hey, it’s Clary _ .”

“Oh, yeah, it’s me. How are you?”   
“ _ Could be better _ ,” she said with what almost sounded like a laugh. “ _ Thank you again for coming yesterday and bringing Magnus. It really meant a lot to me. And thanks for cancelling the gigs we had last week. My voice was pretty ruined, I don’t think I could have been able to sing at all. _ ”

“Of course, any time,” he said, then winced.

_ “Anyways, I ended up staying back at my parents’ place last night. It was...weird. Kind of a nice weird with my step-dad there. We got to talk about her a lot and sort through some of her paperwork and stuff. _ ”

“Yeah, that’s...tough,” Alec said awkwardly, unsure of how to respond to that.

“ _ Yeah. I ended up looking through some of her old records and sheet music though. She barely played, but she had piano lessons. I...there’s this song, she really loved it. She even got some sheet music of it so she could play it on my Gramma’s old piano back in the day. Could you--could we meet up? I would really like to see if maybe we could work on it and make it into something we could play? After all, you’re the resident expert on making arrangements for old songs into cool punk covers these days. _ ”

“Yeah, we can do that. I think the practice hall we go to might be pretty busy today with kids meeting with music tutors if we wanted to actually try it out, but we could probably meet back up at the house or something.”

“ _ How about ‘or something’? I’m not sure if I’m ready to go home yet. Maybe we could go to a cafe and just talk about how we could plan it out? _ ”

Alec nodded, “Sounds good. Wanna meet up in, say, two hours?”

“ _ I’d like that. There’s a nice quiet place by my folks’ place in Queens on 48th Street. It’s called Lovelace’s _ .”

“Alright, I’ll meet you there. Bye.”

He hung up and turned back toward the kitchen, but stopped when he spotted Magnus watching him from the doorway of the bedroom, Magnus padded over to him and put his arms around his waist.

“Hey you,” Alec said, wrapping his arms around so his hands rested gently on Magnus’ shoulder blades. “Sorry if I woke you up.”   
Magnus shrugged, “It’s alright. I woke up when you left.”

“I was at least trying to be quiet. I wanted you to get some rest.”   
“And that I did,” Magnus said, then rose up and planted a sweet kiss on Alec’s chin. “Thank you, Alexander. For everything last night. And for not letting me…”

“Of course,” Alec said, squeezing him tightly for a moment then pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Magnus sighed happily, then said, “Alright, enough sugary sweetness. I want a nice savoury breakfast before my boyfriend takes off to meet his blond side-piece.”

Magnus parted from him, grabbing out the loaf of bread, some eggs, and some sausages out from the fridge.

“Not Jace. That was Clary. Said she wants to meet up and work on a few arrangements.”

“Oh,” Magnus said as he opened the oven and pulled out one of the skillets he apparently stored there. “I’m glad you two are getting along. Nice to see two of my favorites being friendly.”

“I’m always friendly!” Alec said, mildly offended.

“You can be mostly civil,” Magnus said, smirking.

Alec rolled his eyes and said, “Whatever. Teach me how to make an overeasy.”

***

Lovelace’s Cafe was hard to spot from the street. It truly was a hole-in-the-wall place, the sign for it obscured and grimey. Inside was a bit of a tight squeeze, with the counter at the very back and the small round table with three chairs around it being just about all that could fit in the place. The tiny redhead was already seated inside with two cups of coffee, an oversized and picked-over blueberry muffin, a walkman and a stack of sheets in front of her.

She smiled at him as he finally walked in and took a seat.

“Able to find it okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I took the E line up to Jackson Heights and the 7 was able to get me near enough to here. It’s a quaint little spot,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said as she tore a small piece of the muffin off with the tips of her fingers. “It’s one of my favorite places to come and just enjoy a cup of coffee whenever I’m in Queens.”

Alec reached out and took the coffee that wasn’t in front of Clary and asked, “So what’s the piece you wanted to work on?”

She had a sheepish smile, flipping around the papers toward Alec and saying, “It’s super lame, but...it was my mom’s favorite.”

“‘You Light Up My Life’? Yeah, that’s pretty lame,” he said laughing, going through the sheet notes.

“I know going from easy listening to rock is a tall order, but do you think we can do it?”

He shrugged, “Surely we can try. You’ve got the song there? I tend not to listen to this kind of stuff. It’ll help if I can hear it.”

She pushed over her walkman, handing him the headphones. He put them on and she began playing the song. It was a slow, soft song, Debby Boone’s clear voice coming through as he looked through the music sheets to read along as he listened.

“Well, we shouldn’t have to change much to the singing. You and her are in pretty similar registers. She sings it too clean though, we should have you add some vocal distortion to move it more towards our sound. And we’ll definitely have to pick up the beat, maybe have Jace write in a new solo part.”

Clary caught his eye and smiled, putting her hand on the hand he had resting on the table. “Thank you, Alec, for helping me with this.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem, really,” he said. “Actually, I’m pretty happy we’re doing this. It’s nice to have someone excited to play around with the technical stuff for once. Jace always drags his feet and bitches about it, always saying shit like, ‘C’mon, this isn’t what the music is about! You gotta put some soul into it!’”

She giggled and said, “That’s Jace all over. He’s a beast of instinct and always about being ‘in the moment’, whatever that means.”

“For music, that usually means he wants to freestyle solos for himself at every possible opportunity,” he said as he rolled his eyes, making Clary let out another giggle.

“Well, let’s look over this stuff and see about what we can do.”

“Yeah,” Alec said, sitting up in his chair. “Let’s get to work.”


	12. Chapter 12: Pull Up To The Bumper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split this chapter up between the essential story line and the explicit content. This portion is the non-explicit part. The explicit portion isn't necessary for the plot and is entirely optional for those who aren't interested.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It took a lot of tweaking to make a Debby Boone song sound even remotely like it belonged in a punk set list. By the end of it the instrumentals were completely unrecognizable, but the lyrics remained the same and the feeling Clary sang into them made it sound significantly more adult than the otherwise quite chaste song would suggest. Working closely with her, he saw her take her grief and pour it into the project. 

_ “It’s not looking too bad, though, I think I’m looking forward to going back to porting over dance songs after all this,” Alec said as he penciled in some notes along the margins of the sheet for Izzy.  _

_ He was sitting cross-legged, the various sheets laid out in front of him. Ink was beginning to coat the side of his palm from resting it on the ink too soon before it had dried. Jace was fiddling about practicing his fingerwork on his unplugged electric on the couch while Clary was sitting in front of him on the floor, rereading her own sheet music.  _

_ She looked up at him from her page, a laugh in her voice as she said, “What, you’re not looking forward to working on ‘Don’t Cry Out Loud’ next?” _

_ “Woman, you’re killin’ me!” Jace groaned as he stopped what he was doing to grab her shoulders and shake her, just making her laugh harder. _

Their first night back at Pandemonium that Thursday, he wasn’t sure the crowd was as into it as other ones they performed that night, but the song wasn’t really for them either. 

He was still on his drummer’s high after coming back inside from loading up Simon’s van with their kit. Strolling right up the stairs to Magnus, he grabbed his face and pulled him into a fierce kiss. He seemed taken off guard by that, kissing back then pulling away, laughing.

“What’s all this about? Not that I’m complaining, don’t get me wrong,”

_ Izzy was sitting at the table, coffee steaming next to the bowl in front of her. She stabbed her spoon into her Weetabix, breaking it up before bringing it up to her mouth with a heaping amount of milk. She eyed him as he came fully out of his room and went over to the Mr. Coffee. _

_ “You’re up early,” she said. _

_ “I--yeah. I wanted to come see my little sister before she left for work,” he said as he took the milk she had left on the counter and splashed some into his mug over his coffee. _

_ She eyed him suspiciously. “What’s the occasion? I can’t remember the last time you got out of bed before 10am.” _

_ “No occasion,” he said quickly. “Am I not allowed to wake up and have breakfast with you?” _

_ “Fine, be mysterious,” she said, smiling as she took a sip of her coffee. _

_ “Well...okay. There is one thing,” he said. _

_ “Spill,” she commanded. _

_ “It’s about Magnus.” _

_ She sat up looking serious. He took a breath and said, “Look, how do you know, uh, when…” _

_ Her eyes widened and she set down her coffee and exclaimed, “You’re talking about sex?” _

_ “Keep your voice down, it’s not exactly something I want to broadcast to all of our neighbors.” _

_ “You know they’ve heard me broadcast plenty of times,” she said slyly. _

_ “Is it your first time with a man?” she asked. _

_ He didn’t answer. She leaned forward. _

_ “Your first time ever? It all makes sense now! I thought you were just a prude or a gentleman or whatever, but you’re an honest to goodness virgin!” she exclaimed excitedly. “So you want to have sex and now you’re here coming for tips from your resident expert in all things carnal,” she said, waving her hand at herself with a flourish. _

_ He glared at her. “Are you done?” _

_ She got serious again and said slowly, “So you and Magnus want to go all the way?” _

_ “I think so,” Alec said. _

_ “I know you care about him and he cares about you. As long as you guys are safe and it makes you happy, then I’m happy for you,” she said before reaching back for her mug. “Now, are you going to be the one giving or…” _

_ He cleared his throat and adjusted in his seat. “Magnus has indicated that he tends to prefer...giving.” _

_ She clasped her hands together and said, “Alright then, there’s some stuff you’ll need to do to prepare. I think the Genovese Drug around the corner should have everything you’ll need to get yourself ready...” _

“Let’s go home,” Alec said, grabbing his hand, pulling him towards the stairs.

“What? The night’s barely started!’ Magnus said, allowing himself to be dragged out with Alec.

“C’mon,” he said, leading them through the cool late-May night to Magnus’ place a few blocks away.  _ It’ll be summer before we know it _ .

Alec grabbed Magnus again the second they got inside. Magnus was laughing again.

“What has gotten into you?” he said when he pulled away, smiling and confused.

“I think we should take things to the next step,” he stated.

Magnus paused and nodded. “The…sex step.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus took a deep breath and said, “Are you sure? I mean, I know that I said some stuff on Saturday, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to pressure you just because I want to.”

“Magnus,” Alec said, feeling a goofy grin take over his face, “I want this.”

He kissed him hard again, all the while leading them both into the bedroom.

***

Alec awoke the next morning to the morning sun streaming softly through the golden tulle curtains covering the windows in Magnus’ bedroom. He took a contented deep breath, feeling Magnus’ head on his chest stir. Magnus looked up at him and smiled, repositioning himself so that he could be eye-to-eye with Alec. Alec curled his arm around Magnus and pulled him into a lazy kiss. Magnus hummed, sounding tired and happy before pulling away.

“Good morning, Alexander,” he said as he brought up his hand to gently rub Alec’s cheek.

“Yeah, it is,” he replied, pressing a peck on Magnus’ lips.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Magnus whispered.

Alec thought for a moment, then asked, “You want french toast?”

Magnus smiled, then said, “I don’t think I have any syrup, but we could just add on some butter and have them savoury.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Alec said before rolling and stretching his shoulders up.

Magnus ducked out of his arms, rolling off from his side of the bed before wrapping himself in the silk robe he kept on a hook near his side of the bed. Alec sat up and rubbed his face to try to wake up.  _ It’s time for a shave _ . He got up, walking over to the dresser and reaching into the drawer Magnus had declared was his and pulling out a pair of briefs. He looked at his appearance in the vanity for a moment, seeing how his hair had dried at all odd angles due to falling asleep with still-wet hair after the shower he and Magnus shared last night after they had finished.

He walked into the master bath and set his razor and some cream on the side of the sink. He ran the tap for a moment to warm it up, then splashed his face to finish waking himself up before commencing with his shave. After he was done, he wet his hair and tried to work it something not so silly looking before going out to the kitchen where Magnus had just begun to fry the egg-soaked pieces of bread.

“Mmm, looks good,” Alec said as he walked up behind Magnus and put his hands on either side of Magnus’ hips. “And the french toast looks pretty tasty too.”

Magnus laughed and said, “Who are you and where did you put that blushing closet case Alexander Lightwood?”

Alec pressed a kiss to Magnus’ cheek before walking over to the plate cupboard and set the table so he and his boyfriend could have breakfast.

***

“Alright,” Alec said, rolling his stick between his fingers, “let’s go through the set one last time and call it a night.”

Izzy laughed and said, “Really? THE Alec Lightwood is only making us go through tomorrow’s set three times?” She strummed a few cords on her axe before saying, “God DAMN, Magnus must really lay some good pipe!”

Jace raised his brows and gave a surprised smile. “So that’s why you were only half an hour early to practice, huh?”

“Oh hush, leave him alone,” Clary chimed in.

Alec pointed his stick at her and stated, “That’s why she’s the only one of you that I actually like.”

“Shut up, you don’t like anybody,” Jace said with a smirk. “Alright, you ladiess heard him: one last time, then we can pack up!”

They had built up a decent enough repertoire at this point after two and a half months of regular work at Pandemonium that they could finally have a rotating set of song lists to play, both of their own original work and of punk covers of bubble gum pop and dance hits. At this point, he was able to dedicate more and more time away from rearranging old songs to composing new ones, so he was happy that they could debut the latest one that he and Jace had recently finished polishing.   
He couldn’t help but crack a smile as he pounded out the beat, hoping that tomorrow night the crowd at Pandemonium loved it as much as he did.


	13. Chapter 12.5: Relax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is optional EXPLICIT content. If you aren't interested, feel free to skip this one.

Alec wasn’t entirely sure where to put his hands, running them up and down Magnus’ sides. While they had done some stuff with their hands and Magnus had blown him a few times, the excitement of finally taking their physical relationship to another level made him feel as dizzy as a schoolboy. He took off his jacket and tossed it in the direction of the bed, hearing it hit the floor with a small ‘thud’. The supplies he had picked up were in one of the pockets. A few condoms he had pulled out from the box of Trojans he bought and a new full bottle of Astroglide. He had felt nervous earlier, picking up everything he needed that Izzy had told him to get, but he knew that she had experimented enough and had the know-how to help him through his first time doing anal.

_ “As gross as it sounds, you’re going to want an enema,” she said through a mouthful of Weetabix. “The last thing you want is for him to be fingering you and hit shit. Or worse, have him pull out only to shit the bed.” _

_ “God,” Alec said, face distorted in disgust, “I really hope you’re not speaking from experience.” _

_ “My sexual journey is one with a lot of highs and a lot of lows,” she said with a shrug. “Be sure you have him wear a rubber. Doesn’t matter if you’re both clean, there’s still going to be some stuff in there. This one time, me and a guy decided to go without. I know, really dumb considering everything. Anyways, three days later, he had to go get a catheter put in because he got a UTI so bad that his dickhole swole shut.” _

_ Alec winced and instinctively put his hand in front of his junk. _

_ “Use lots of lube, too,” she added. “I recommend getting in some practice ahead of time, just to get used to how it feels to have something go in rather than out. It’ll feel real weird at first and if you’re not careful then it’ll hurt. Go slow and just remember to relax.” _

He stumbled trying to take off his boots while breaking the kiss, making Magnus laugh as he pulled off his own shoes. Magnus took the lead, pulling away for a moment to pull up Alec’s shirt. He held up his arms, letting him take it off for him before swooping back in for another sloppy kiss. Alec pulled Magnus down on top of him as he fell backward onto the bed.

“Graceful,” Magnus joked.

“Shut up,” Alec responded, pulling Magnus’ face back to his and pulling at the bottom of his shirt.

Magnus broke the kiss, lifting his arms up and pulling off the black skin-tight knit shirt he had gone with that night before nimbly undoing both of their belts and leaning back down to press kisses to Alec’s jaw. Alec reached a hand between them and unbuttoned the front of his 501s most of the way down before lifting up his hips and pulling down his jeans and underwear together as far as he could reach from underneath Magnus. As he did, his rapidly growing erection flipped up onto his stomach between them with a small ‘smack’. Magnus followed suit, and soon enough he had a completely nude Magnus Bane rubbing against him and kissing his neck. He was moaning one hand on Magnus’ lower back and the other reaching down trying to blindly find his jacket. 

Magnus paused and asked, “What are you doing?”

“My jacket,” he said breathlessly. “I’ve got…”

Magnus looked over the edge of the bed, then leaned over and picked it up off of the floor. Alec took it then pulled out his purchases from yesterday out of the pocket before dropping the jacket. 

He had already done the less savory aspect of preparation before the show and had done some self-exploration as Izzy had told him to. It did feel weird like she said it would, though he wondered how different it would feel when he was aroused and with Magnus rather than alone and just after having had a rather cold enema.

“God,” Magnus said, looking down seemingly astonished at Alec, “how did I get so lucky? Hot, gay, prepared, and my own personal hero.”

“Stop with that ‘hero’ crap,” Alec said, pulling Magnus down to kiss him again.

Magnus began rubbing his chest, threading his fingers through the coarse hair there before using it as leverage to push himself up again and break the kiss.

“It’ll be a lot easier for your first time if you’re on your stomach.”

Alec nodded, letting Magnus roll off of him and then turning over. Magnus softly ran his fingers down from the top of his spine to his lower back, making him involuntarily shudder. He moved to behind Alec, kissing his shoulder and picking up and popping open the bottle of lube with one hand. He felt Magnus gently caress his backside before getting off of him almost entirely and positioning himself between Alec’s spread legs.

“I’m going to start you off with one finger,” he said softly. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” Alec responded, anxious to begin. Instead of feeling a finger press in, he felt Magnus softly running his fingers across the back of his neck and the top of his back.

“Just trust me and relax.”

_ Right. Relax _ .

He took a deep breath and nodded, willing his shoulders and legs to loosen up and melt into the mattress.

“Thank you, Alexander. I’m going to start, alright?”

Alec waited a moment, but then realized Magnus was asking for permission.

“Yes, please.”

Magnus’ hand was back on his ass, gently kneading it with his fingers before he felt the finger begin to graze his hole. Magnus didn’t insert it for some time, instead teasing him and coating the outside with lube. In a way it did feel arousing, though certainly not a way he was used to. Magnus gradually began to dip the tip of his finger in, not even to the first knuckle. Alec could feel his body begin to grow restless, itching for more.

“Please,” Alec breathed out.

That seemed to be the reaction Magnus had been waiting for as he began then to insert his finger. Alec had just begun to find himself enjoying the sensation of Magnus moving in and out of him when Magnus told him he was going to add another finger. Alec quickly nodded, wanting to explore these new sensations further. The second finger felt cool from a new application of lube. Magnus continued fingering him and stretching him till he had Alec panting.

“Please,” he said, voice growing hoarse. “Magnus, I want--”

“Yes, I know,” Magnus said, fingers still moving. “You are so beautiful Alexander Lightwood. I’m going to add one last finger.”   
As he started moving the three fingers in and out of him, Alec felt less and less capable of thought, instead breathing heavily with his forehead pressed into one of the pillows. Magnus gently placed his free hand on Alec’s shoulder and slowly removed his fingers. Alec groaned at the loss, feeling strangely empty. Magnus leaned over him and Alec turned his head as much as he could, clumsily kissing him from an angle. He felt Magnus reach to his side and heard him rip open one of the condom packets. 

“Yes,” Alec breathed before Magnus could ask.

Magnus pressed a kiss to Alec’s cheek before leaning back to roll on the condom and apply lube.

He felt the head of Magnus’ cock teasing his entrance and Alec pushed his hips up to put an end to it. Magnus gasped, leaning over so his forehead was pressed between Alec’s shoulder blades. He slowly began easing himself in deeper, making both men groan in pleasure at the new sensations. Almost agonizingly slow, Magnus began thrusting in and out of Alec, all the while kissing and whispering affirmations into the back of Alec’s neck. Alec began moving his hips in time with Magnus’ thrusts, forcing him to pick up the pace.

Alec was near clawing at the sheets, feeling less and less control as Magnus moved and seemed to be just pressing against some point inside him. He adjusted his hips, trying to get him to thrust nearer to it when Magnus began hitting it dead on. It felt as though the ensuing moan had come from the very pit of his stomach, alongside a groan of, “Yes, there.”

Magnus held Alec’s hips in a steely grip to ensure the angle didn’t change as the thrust in faster and harder, chanting “Alexander” over and over again, reaching around underneath Alec to grab his cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts.

Alec’s orgasm hit him hard and fast and Magnus followed suit a few moments after. Suddenly, Magnus laid his full weight against Alec’s back, their bodies flush and his cock still twitching inside Alec. They breathed together there for a minute before Magnus eased out of Alec. He tied the condom in a knot to make sure it didn’t sure it didn’t spill its contents then tossed it in the direction of the wastebasket Magnus kept near his vanity.

He rolled off of Alec to lay beside him, and pressed a sloppy kiss to his mouth. Alec rolled so his front faced Magnus’, making a better angle for the kiss. Magnus gently broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to Alec’s.

“I love you, Alexander.”

Alec opened his eyes to look at Magnus whose face seemed the very picture of relaxed bliss.

“I love you, too.”


	14. Chapter 13: Glad To Be Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: slurs, violence, police brutality.

The next night rolled around and Alec stood up from behind his drum kit after running through a few quick audio checks before going up to the bar to get a quick drink from Maia, who already seemed to be hustling with drink orders.

He stood waiting for a second, and looked around Pandemonium. They weren’t due to start for another half an hour, but it seemed like it was already near packed. Finally, Maia made her way over to him.

“Busy tonight,” Alec said over the sound of the crowd.

“Yeah, June is finally upon us! We’re coming into Pride season so people are already coming to New York to celebrate.”  
“Really? I thought the parades weren’t for another few weeks,” he asked.

“New York is basically the mecca of Pride,” she explained, “seeing as how we had Stonewall back in the 60s and some of the first parades in the 70s. What’ll you have?”

“A round of whatever is easiest for you right now for the band,” Alec said.

“Five shots of whatever’s closest, gotcha,” she said as she pulled out the glasses and started pouring.  
“Four?” Alec said, confused.

Maia shook her head. “Even if Simon isn’t _in_ the band, he’s still _a part_ of The Shadowhunters.”

Alec shrugged and did his best to take the mystery shots up to the stage where the others were still tuning and running checks, then handed them each a shot. Simon beamed when Alec handed him his.

“Sink ‘em!” Jace cried out before they all downed their shots. “Get fuckin’ ready, this crowd is going go wild!”

“This is going to be amazing!” Simon shouted, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Clary gave him a quick hi-five, beaming at her weirdo best friend.

Alec still didn’t really get the appeal of Simon. He was pretty obnoxious, always too loud and talking about movies Alec had never seen. Still though, he couldn’t deny that he was at least a nice guy and a solid roadie.

Finally 8pm rolled around and they settled in to start their set. Alec’s mind went clear as he let muscle memory guide him through the first few songs of their set, all leading into their new song. 

The crowd seemed happy moshing around to their original stuff and singing along to their punked out covers of old familiar hits. Each song led neatly into the next. They always left a few breaks in so the three out front could interact with the audience. Sometimes they’d banter with each other, other times they’d work with whatever the crowd was giving them. Tonight there were plenty of cheers and laughter from the crowd as Izzy, Clary, and Jace worked them.

Everything was going better than expected until about midway through their cover of ‘Who’s That Girl’ when Alec was taken out of his drumming trance. He stopped abruptly when he heard Clary let out a shrill scream and Izzy and Jace’s instruments suddenly screeched to a stop.

Alec stood and looked out to the crowd, suddenly seeing that they were panicking and moving away from the front doors of the club and pushing to try to find another exit.

He could hear screams of terror and shouts of “STOP RIGHT THERE” and “STOP RESISTING” and then realized what was happening. 

_Pandemonium is getting raided_.

“HEY, LET HER GO!” Jace suddenly bellowed, throwing down his guitar without a thought and leaping off the stage, pushing his way through the panicking clubbers over to the bar area.

In the distance, Alec could see Maia being manhandled by two burly police officers. Not thinking, Alec jumped over his kit and dashed after Jace. Before he could even get close though, he was suddenly tackled from the side and he hit the ground face first. He felt dazed and sick to his stomach for a moment before he was brought back to reality by a knee being pressed hard between his shoulders and his arms being pulled back as far as they would go. He squirmed underneath the pressure on his back and arms, crying out in pain.

“Stop resisting, you fucking queer!” he heard the officer shout before he felt something hot, wet, and smelly hit his face.

_He spit on me._

Cold metal snapped tightly around his wrists and he was hauled up to his feet by his shoulders. He tried looking around to see if he could find Jace or Maia, but he felt disoriented and couldn’t see through his left eye. The hands holding tightly around his shoulders suddenly started yanking him roughly from the spot where they had taken him.

“You have the right to remain silent!” was being shouted into his ear, but the words didn’t make sense to him. “Anything you say can be used against you in court!”

_Why are you doing this to me? I didn’t do anything wrong._

“You have the right to talk to a lawyer!” 

His feet stumbled as they moved him out into the warm night air.

“If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed to you!”

There were flashing red and blue lights everywhere. He couldn’t make out how many cop cars there were through the pounding on the left side of his head and his one good eye.

“If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop at any time!”

They stopped him in front of the wide open doors of one of the police wagons parked out on the street and shoved him inside. Without his hands free to catch himself, his jaw hit the floor of the van and he bit the side of his cheek, mouth suddenly filling with the taste of metal.

The cop inside the van pulled him up by the back of his shirt and he heard the cotton of his collar rip. The cop shoved him down against a metal seat with a command to “SIT!” then looped a chain of metal through his cuffs. There were a few others already in the van with their own swollen lips and bloody noses, but he didn’t recognize any of them. Eventually, the van was filled with colorfully dressed and bruised up strangers and the doors of the van were shut before they took them all down to the station to be processed.

***

Processing took ages. They lined up everyone they had arrested at the club that night, from the sounds of it around 40 people in total. When they finally got around taking off his cuffs to fingerprint him, he nearly cried out in pain as the blood rushed back into his hands. They gave him a sign with his name written in chalk along with his processing numbers and took his photo. The man behind him was pleading to not have his photo taken, crying that he didn’t know it was a gay bar and to begging to be let go.

After they were done with all that, they took him to a large holding cell with everyone else who had been at Pandemonium.

Maia stood up when she saw him and gasped.

“Oh my god, Alec! Your face!”

He walked over to her and sat next to her and she began gingerly touching his face to examine the damage. “Is it really that bad?”

She moved around him, seemingly trying to assess him.

“Head wounds always bleed pretty badly, so you look pretty ghastly. It’s definitely swollen, but I don’t think anything is broken. For sure you’re gonna need stitches though. but I think that’ll just add to your bad boy aesthetic. If it were brighter in here, I might’ve been able to check if you had a concussion. Once we get out, you need to see a doctor.”

Alec smiled at her and said, “Sounds like I’m already in good hands.”

She shrugged and sat down next to him. “I was training to be a nurse for a while. Kinda got sick of it after a while when too many of those waspy medical residents would say shit like, ‘I don’t think you washed your hands enough, they still look dirty to me!’”

Alec pursed his lips, then looked down at Maia’s hands. He held out his hand to her. She gave him a tight smile and put her hand in his.

They sat there for a while until the door opened again and they tossed in a much-worse-for-wear and still handcuffed Jace Wayland.

Alec got up quickly and pulled Jace up to his feet. He had a busted lip and his cheek was already bruising.

“Jace, what the--”

“They decided I was too much of a risk to take out of the cuffs,” Jace said with a smirk.

“I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of,” Maia said slowly. “Looks like they got your pretty good,” she said while waving her hand in a circle around her face.

“You should see the other guy,” he said, walking over to plopping down next to her. “Never thought I’d get the chance to punch a pig! Took four of them to carry me out!”

Maia gave an incredulous laugh and shook her head before the three of them settled into a comfortable silence.

Finally around 4 in the morning, two cops opened up the doors to the holding cell. 

“Alright!” one of them called out. “Bonds have been posted for those arrested at Club Pandemonium tonight. We’re gonna be going through by alphabetical order, starting with everyone with a surname beginning with the letter A.”

Slowly, the cell emptied out. When they finally called “everyone with a surname beginning with the letter L”, Alec stood and followed the officers out of the holding area and up to a waiting area. Immediately, he noticed three people sitting together, took a breath and walked over.

Maryse noticed him first and made a horrified gasp, “Alec!”

She stood and rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. His father and sister followed behind her.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked, loosely hugging her back.

“Your sister called us,” his father answered. “She said you had been playing at a club when the police came and they arrested you.”

The makeup that had been so meticulously applied the night before was smeared all over Izzy’s face and each member of his family had dark circles under their eyes.

“I saw them throw you down and arrest you after you went after Jace and I didn’t know what to do, so I called Dad,” she explained.

“It was so strange,” Maryse said, pulling back from Alec. “When we got here, they said someone was already working to post bail for you.”

From the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of glitter and turned to see Magnus approaching them.

“That was me,” he said. “I posted bail for everyone who was arrested at my club tonight.”

Despite how late in the night it was, Magnus still looked impeccable with not a hair out of place and the blue nor the silver glitter around his eyes smudged.

Maryse looked confused for a moment before a look of recognition came over her face. “We’ve met before, at St. Patrick’s.”

He gave her a warm smile. “Yes, Maryse Lightwood. I remember you.”

He turned and held out a hand to Robert. “Magnus Bane.”

His father’s eyes darted over to Alec who gave him a tight smile.

He took the outstretched hand and shook it. “Robert Lightwood. Alec’s father. It’s nice to meet you.”

“If only it were better circumstances,” Magnus said with a sad sigh. His eyes flitted over Alec’s beat up face. “I don’t think that eye looks very good, Alexander.”

“Yeah, Maia said it looks like it needs stitches.”

“I would take her word for it and go take care of it if I were you. I still have business to take care of here.” He looked over the rest of the Lightwood family. “Till we meet again.”

His family was very quiet during the ride to the emergency room. Even if his parents did want to say something, he wasn’t sure he would have been able to string along anything particularly coherent as the stress of everything that had happened had left him exhausted. The left side of his face was throbbing, his shoulders were horribly sore, and he could already see dark bruises from the handcuffs forming around his wrists. The ER doctor cleaned up the dried blood from his face and ended up putting in five stitches on the gash through his eyebrow.

“Because it took so long for you to get here after the incident, you’ll probably have a scar,” he said. “A cold compress and some ibuprofen should help with the swelling and pain, and I’m going to write you a script for a round of antibiotics. Better safe than sorry. You’ll need to come back in a few weeks to have the stitches taken out.”

His mother had come in the room with him and held his hand throughout the procedure, though he wasn’t sure if that was for her benefit or his. She stayed quiet throughout, periodically squeezing his hand tightly, and had a look that was somewhere between worry and something else that Alec couldn’t quite figure out. They walked out together and saw Izzy and Robert talking in low voices in the waiting room. Izzy noticed them first and perked up when she saw them. She and Robert stood together.

“I’ve got a prescription that they want me to pick up, I’ll have to come back to remove the stitches, and I’m gonna end up having a rad scar,” Alec told them.

“Alec, this isn’t the time for jokes,” Maryse scolded.

Izzy smiled and gave a relieved laugh. “My big brother: the badass with a scar.”

Robert drove them to the nearest pharmacy before dropping them off in front of their building. From the passenger-side window, Maryse insisted that they call them later after they all got some rest. They agreed before trudging up to their respective rooms. The second Alec’s head hit his pillow, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

It was sometime in the late afternoon when Alec woke up, his face throbbing. Slowly, he sat up, feeling stiff and sore all over. He walked out into the kitchenette, pulling a bag of half-used frozen mixed vegetables out and putting it on his eye. He reached down into the pocket of the pair of jeans he had never bothered taking off when he collapsed into bed that morning and pulled out his case and walked out onto the balcony. As he opened up the case, he saw one of the edges had been dented in.

_Probably from when they tackled me_.

He struggled to light the match, his hands shaking. He was just about to hurl the book of matches over the ledge when the door opened and his sister walked out.

“Need some help?”

He sighed and handed it over to her. She easily lit one and held out the flame for him to light up his cigarette.

“You hate my smoking.”

“I do,” she said. “But I love my brother.”

He smiled at her and pressed the veggies up to his eye again as he took a long drawl from the cigarette.

“Saw you and Dad talking.”

She nodded. “You and Mom were in the OR for a while.”

“She and I didn’t talk though.”

Izzy nodded, then looked down at her hands.

“He was telling me about a conversation the two of you had.”

He looked up at her, but she was still looking at her hands and playing with one of her bracelets.

“What did he say?”

“That he knows you’re gay and that you told him you had a boyfriend named ‘Magnus’. He wanted to know if that was the same guy who posted bail for you and I told him he was.”

“Yeah, I think he already figured that out though,” Alec said as he took another drag.

“It seemed that way, but he wanted confirmation. He asked about him, I told him you’d been seeing him for a while now, that he’s a really good guy, and that he’s really good for you.”

“He is,” Alec said, voice cracking. “I’m sure he’s worried sick. I caught my reflection in the car door mirror. I can only imagine how I’d feel seeing him the way I looked.”

The glimpse he’d caught of himself was pretty bad. His left eye was swollen shut, he had dried blood from his forehead down to the neckline of his shirt here it had become a stiff dark stain on the grey cotton, and he had dried blood on his chin which must have gotten here from when he had bitten the inside of his cheek after getting pushed into the police wagon.

“We talked about some other stuff too. Mom and Dad are going to separate.”

Alec raised his good eyebrow. “Izzy, I don’t know if he told you this...but Dad cheated.”  
“I already knew,” Izzy stated. “Mom’s ‘friends’ are horrible gossips. I overheard them talking during Max’s party.”

They sat in silence for a while.

“This sucks,” he finally said, stamping out the last of his cigarette into the ashtray.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “That about sums it up.”

“I wanna change. I feel gross in these clothes,” he declared.

“Go shower. Just be careful about your eye, you’re not supposed to get the stitches wet.”

They walked back in together and he put the vegetables back in the freezer before grabbing a clean set of clothes and his towel.

Alone in the bathroom, he could get a good look at himself. He peeled off the ripped up blood-stained shirt and looked at his chest in the mirror. He had some dried bloody residue caught in his chest hair and his upper arms were speckled with bruises that looked a lot like fingertips. He had a bruise on his hip too, likely from one of the falls he took but he couldn’t say which. He let out a shaky breath and turned on the hot water. He took a long time, scrubbing himself down to try to cleanse himself of everything that had happened. His skin was pink from the heat of the water and the rough texture of his wash cloth by the time he was done. Getting dressed again was hard. He reminded himself to take an ibuprofen when he got back to his room. 

As he stepped out of the bathroom, he paused when he saw there were four people sitting together in the living room. Izzy was sitting cross-legged in the beat up old armchair that they found out on the curb when the first moved in. Clary and Jace were at one end of the couch, her arms gently and lovingly draped around his shoulders. And at the other end of the couch, sitting straight backed with his eyes locked on Alec was Magnus.

Magnus stood and said, “Isabelle called and said you were awake. I took a cab.”

Alec walked over to him and took him into his arms. “I’m glad you’re here,” he muttered into the collar of Magnus’ crushed red velvet button down shirt. After a long moment, he finally parted from him.

Alec looked over at Clary and Jace, and he waved a heavily bandaged hand at him. A small noise escaped Alec’s throat and Jace looked at his hand.

“Badge of honor,” he declared. “Broke my hand on that pig’s face. They had no right to barge in there and start arresting people.”

“No they didn’t,” Magnus said. “Though, I personally wasn’t the biggest fan of having to pay the amount of bail for resisting arrest AND assaulting an officer.”

“I’ll get you back the next time we come to play at Pandemonium, you can have all of my portion of the tips,” Jace stated.

“No need,” he said with a wave. “I wouldn’t be the Mother Superior if I was insisting on getting paid back every time the police decide to start arresting people for the ‘crime’ of being under my roof.”

“Besides, you’re going to be out of commission for a while,” Alec said. “You can’t exactly start shredding with a pick glued onto your cast.”

Jace looked at his broken, frowning. “This sucks.”

“About that,” Clary said coyly, “I think I might know a guy.”

***

“Absolutely not,” Jace declared.

“C’mon! I’ve been playing acoustic since tenth grade, I just don’t have an electric!” Simon exclaimed.

“He can’t treat it any worse than you do, you big baby,” Izzy interjected. “Besides, what are you going to do with it? You can’t even play!”

Jace huffed, then shoved the case at Simon with his good hand. “Whatever. It’s a completely different feel from acoustic though. And since you’ve only been playing a few years, we’ll have to simplify the guitar parts.”

“That’s fine. We’re going to have to simplify the drums too, since I’m still pretty banged up,” Alec said, stretching his shoulders.

“‘That’s fine’,” Simon repeated with that goofy smile of his plastered across his face. 

Alec rolled his eyes. _I can’t believe I just defended Simon Lewis._

“Actually!” Simon exclaimed, reaching around into his backpack, “I have an idea for a song we should play at Pandemonium. In fact, I’m certain that we should play it!”

“You have an idea and we _have_ to play it,” Jace scoffed.

Simon’s smile wiped the smile from his face in an instant. “I go to that club with you guys every week. The people in there are my friends, and I watched them get beat up and arrested, and I...froze.” He took a breath. “I want to show them that we stand with them. I know Alec is the only actually gay one, though Izzy has told me some stories of hers that are a little gay, but I want to do a song that shows we stand in solidarity with Pandemonium.”

Jace’s features softened and he nodded. “I want to hear it.”

Simon was smiling again, and he dug out a cassette. He went over to the small boombox in the practice hall and hit play.

By the end of the song, all agreed that it would be their opening number on Thursday.

***

Pandemonium was just as packed as it had been the night it was raided, if not more so.

_“The community has dealt with raids and harassment for a long time,” Magnus told Alec on Tuesday in the apartment. He ran his fingers through Alec’s hair comfortingly. “There is nothing we love more than bouncing back and showing people that we aren’t going anywhere, whether they like it or not.”_

All five members of The Shadowhunters downed the last of their drinks and got into position on stage. It was decided that since Clary couldn’t play more than a few chords on the guitar and since Jace couldn’t play at all that they would just have two singers till Jace’s hand was better. He didn’t have much of a voice, but Clary was, so she adapted her voice so that they could sing together and sound pretty decent. Though for the first song of the night, Jace insisted that he sing the main vocals with the rest of the band as backing.

The house lights went down and the stage lights went up. Jace held up his broken hand to the crowd.

“Good evening, good people!” he called out. “How is everyone doing tonight!”

The crowd let out a small cheer, and he scoffed into the microphone.

“If that’s as good as you’re doing, it doesn’t sound like any of you have been drinking enough!”

A roar of laughter came over the crowd. Jace smirked.

“I would like to introduce you to tonight’s line up! On drums we have Pandemonium’s resident pretty boy: Alec!”

Alec did a quick staccato on the drums.

“Our stunningly beautiful succubus on bass: Izzy!”

She licked out a quick funky bass line.

“On guitar, the boyishly handsome: Simon!”

He strummed a chord.

“Our gorgeous and wonderful singer: Clary!”

She gave a curtsy.

“And finally, the jackass who broke his hand while breaking the law: me!”

He gave a bow and the crowd hooted with laughter.

“Together, we are The Shadowhunters!”

The audience gave out a cheer.

“Now,” Jace said. “I’m not sure how many of you were here during our show last Thursday.”

The crowd gave a series of whoops and cheers, along with a few hisses.

“Unfortunately, we were cut short when someone brought in some bacon and things got a little non-kosher. So tonight, we’d like to open up our set with a song dedicated to those boys in blue by a band across the pond, the Tom Robinson Band.”

Alec, Simon, and Izzy began to play the opening of the song.

“We’ve made a few changes so that the song feels a little more New York! We hope you enjoy.”

Jace waited out a few measures before beginning to sing in a sarcastic tone that only he could pull off.

_The New York Police are the best in the world_

_I don’t believe one of these stories I’ve heard_

_‘Bout them raiding our clubs for no reason at all_

_Lining the customers up by the wall_

_Picking out people and knocking them down_

_Resisting arrest as they’re kicked on the ground_

_Searching their pockets and calling them ‘queer’_

_I don’t believe that sort of thing happens here_

Then all five of them began to chant out the chorus:

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

Jace resumed the solo for the next verse:

_Pictures of naked young women are fun_

_Hustler and Playboy, page three of The Sun_

_There's no nudes in Native, our one magazine_

_But they still find excuses to call it obscene_

_Read how disgusting we are in the press_

_New-York Tribune, The Herald, and New York Times_

_Molesters of children, corrupters of youth_

_It's there in the paper, it must be the truth_

As a band and with a few voices joining in from the crowd:

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

Jace went into the third verse:

_Don't try to kid us that if you're discreet_

_You're perfectly safe as you walk down the street_

_You don't have to mince or make bitchy remarks_

_To get beaten unconscious and left in the dark_

_I had a friend who was gentle and short_

_He was lonely one evening and went for a walk_

_Gaybashers caught him, kicked in his teeth_

_He was only hospitalized for a week_

_And he still bears the scars_

Going into the chorus again, the crowd joined in even louder:

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

And Jace sung his final solo verse:

_And sit back and watch as they close down our pubs_

_Arrest us for meeting and raid all our clubs_

_Make sure your boyfriend has got some quick feet_

_So only your friends and brothers get the hot seat_

_Lie to your work friends, lie to your folks_

_Put down the queens, tell anti-queer jokes_

_Gay Lib's ridiculous, join their laughter_

_'The faggots are legal now, what more are they after?'_

They launched into the chorus one last time, the club seeming to all be singing as one:

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy that way_

_Sing if you’re glad to be gay_

_Sing if you’re happy this way_

They played the outro to rapturous applause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I'm not a fan of including song lyrics in fics, but I tried to at least did a little reworking of the original UK version to make the lyrics localized for 1980s New York. I thought it would be an important moment for Jace's character in particular to sing it and have all of you understand what the song says without having to Google it. Here is the Tom Robinson Band's original version for those interested:
> 
> https://youtu.be/-ShU5UPQ7Cs


	15. Chapter 14: Smalltown Boy

Alec looked at his eyebrow in the mirror on the vanity, now freshly without stitches. He had gone the morning after their first performance after the raid to the appointment to get them out before heading over to Magnus’ place. While his face wasn’t swollen anymore, the area where he had hit his head against the hard tiled floor of Pandemonium the week before had become dark purple bruise and took up about a quarter of his forehead. His fingertips hovered over the dark pink line that ran straight up-and-down the middle of his eyebrow.

Magnus got up from where he had been lying on the bed. He was still in his midnight blue silk pajamas from the night before.

_Alec pressed his face into the soft material of Magnus’ night shirt as they laid together in bed on Monday. He ached all over from practicing and preparing for their first show with Simon._

_“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I know my mug is still looking really bad.”_

_“Alexander, you have nothing to apologize for. I don’t care what you look like. All that matters is that you’re here, safe with me,” Magnus said gently while stroking his hair._

_Magnus took a deep breath and said, “I saw you. From the balcony, I saw when the cops knocked you down and arrested you. When they pulled you up and your face was covered in blood...Alec, I don’t think I can live without you. I love you.”_

_Alec squeezed the arm he had around Magnus tighter and he could feel tears pricking his eyes. “I love you too, Magnus.”_

_They laid in silence for a while, just enjoying being close. Alec revelled in the smell of Magnus’ chest, warm and woodsy, and the heat of his body in spite of the warm and humid New York summer night. Cuddled up in the bed they shared together, he felt at home._

_“You know, it’s funny,” Alec finally said. “Jace is insisting we go down to the station again this week. He wants copies of our mugshots. Says that they’re going to be the cover of our first album.”_

_“A bit grotesque, but I suppose that would be a very punk thing to do. ‘First album’?” Magnus asked._

_“Yeah,” he responded. “Obviously we’re not signed or anything, but we’ve probably got about two records worth of original material at this point, plus any of the covers we’ve done would be good for b-sides. Someday.”_

Magnus ran his fingertips along Alec’s arms, slightly lifting up the short sleeves of his cotton t-shirt and examining the skin there.

“It looks like everything is healing up nicely,” he said.

The blue and purple marks that were speckled over his upper arms had begun fading to yellow, discoloring his otherwise smooth tanned skin to a sickly looking motley. Alec frowned.

“I wished they’d heal quicker. I’m used to people avoiding eye contact on the street because this is New York, but with the tatts plus the bruises I look like a real criminal now. Every crowd I walk through parts like I’m gonna mug them or something.”

Magnus looked like he was about to say something when the phone started ringing in the other room.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “Hold that thought, I have to get that.”

Alec ran a hand in through his hair and sighed. _It’s been a month since my last haircut. Maybe I should hit up the barber today_.

He got up from the seat at the vanity and threw himself on the bed. He rested his eyes for a few minutes, enjoying the soft mattress beneath him. While he wasn’t nearly in as much pain as last week, his back and shoulders still weren’t completely back to normal.

“I’ve gotta get dressed and go,” Magnus declared as he quickly came back in the room and went over to his closet. “One of the other mothers just called. It seems there’s been some technical issues with the design for our float this year.”

“Your float?” Alec asked as he sat up.

Magnus smiled as he began to strip. “Yes. Every year, all us mothers come together and make a float for the parade. We used to all do our own, but a few years back when I took over House Fabulousa I proposed we all come together as one in a show of drag solidarity. Not every house can afford to put together an actual float and I thought one big one with all of us would look better than a bunch of queens in kitty heels walking down the street with handwritten poster boards. Apparently my part of the design is causing some practical problems though, something about it sticking out too far or being lopsided. Something like that. House Magicka is in charge of construction this year, so I haven’t had to do too much for it other than contributing my design and writing some checks. I have to meet up with Mother Catarina and sort it out in person.”

Magnus dressed in a loose silver-gold button down that he tucked into fitted high-waisted jeans before scurrying over to the vanity and putting a quick swipe of silver shadow over his lids.

“Not much, but it’ll do in a pinch,” he said as he turned in front of the mirror and examined the look. “What do you think?”

Alec smiled and got out of the bed, going up behind Magnus and wrapping his arms around him.

“I think you look beautiful just the way you are.”

Magnus smiled fondly at him through the mirror, then turned and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“It’s not about beauty. A tiger has its stripes, I have glitter. Alright, I’ve gotta be off then. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Alec nodded, untangling himself from Magnus. “Till then. Oh!”

Magnus stopped and turned.

“Before I go,” Alec said as he reached into his pocket, “I was walking through Chinatown on my way back from the doctor’s and I spotted this.”

He held out the little box to Magnus who gingerly took it from him and opened it. He pulled out the little red charm and held it in his hand.

“It’s supposed to bring you protection and good luck.”

Magnus just stood for a moment, blinking at the trinket before looking up at Alec. He smiled, sweetly and earnestly. 

“Thank you, Alexander.”

***

One train ride and haircut later, and Alec was back at home. Jace was alone, lounging across their couch when he walked in.

“Clary’s not here?” Alec asked as he set his keys in the bowl by the door.

“Naw,” he answered, sitting up into a normal position. “She had some stuff she wanted to practice with her dance friends before her class on Monday. Gotta smoke I can bum?”

Alec pulled out his case and nodded toward the balcony door. Jace hopped up and walked outside. Alec took the chair while Jace sat on the ground next to the ashtray.

“Oh,” Jace said suddenly after they lit up. “The law called while you were out. Said they’re dropping the charges against you, you just gotta swing by the court and fill out some paperwork so they can finalize everything and release the bail money.”

Alec nodded as he took a drag. While Magnus had assured him that the cost of posting cash bail for the 36 people arrested that night was no problem, he knew that he had dropped a pretty penny doing so.

_“Alexander, I have my fingers in a lot of pies, if you’ll excuse the expression,” Magnus said with a wave of his hand. “The club, the dance lessons, the stocks and bonds I have invested, and the fact that I will likely get at least some of it back. Besides, for me posting bonds when I get raided is an investment. This community is my family and I want them to feel like Pandemonium is a safe place. Having my children know that their mother will always protect them keeps them coming back.”_

“Yeah, Magnus said they probably would. Apparently they just like to raid bars every so often to scare people and get their information. We’re officially on the NYPD’s ‘queers’ list.”

“I hope they have my charges next to my name on that list,” Jace smirked. “Let ‘em know they risk a broken jaw if they try fucking with me and mine.” 

Alec chuckled and Jace ashed his cigarette. “Talked to a lawyer. Since it was a first offense as long as I show up and keep my mouth shut when I’m called then I should get off with a misdemeanor and a fine.”

“Boy, asking Jace Wayland to not get mouthy? You’re screwed,” Alec joked.

Jace huffed. “Whatever. You’re home early today though. Hopefully no trouble in paradise.”

“No, Magnus had some errand to run. Apparently some problem with the float he’s working on.”

“Didn’t know he was working on something for the parade, but it makes sense. Are you gonna walk with him?” Jace asked.

“If I’m honest, I hadn’t thought about it,” Alec said before he took a deep drag of his cigarette.

“Don’t see why you shouldn’t. I mean, you guys have been dating a while, and you’re basically out and proud, right? We are on the cops’ official ‘queers’ list now.”

“Kinda,” Alec said as he extinguished his butt in the ashtray. “I don’t...I haven’t talked to my mom.”

“I thought you guys were buddies now?” Jace asked. “Izzy said you introduced her to Magnus?”

“Under...kind of...false pretenses,” Alec said avoidantly.

“You’re gonna need to elaborate on that, buddy.”

“Well...my mom asked me to go to church with her and I asked Magnus to come and we pretended we didn’t know each other.”

“Right,” Jace said, stamping out his cigarette. “So, what was the point of that?”

“I just wanted him there, I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand!” Alec said, defensively holding up his hands. “One thing led to another, and suddenly we were eating breakfast with my mom and I had to act like I’d only just met him.”

Alec chewed on his lip. “She didn’t say anything after we got arrested. I don’t know what she knows or if she suspects. I just don’t...want my mom to hate me.”

Jace leaned over and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “I don’t think Maryse could hate you. I’ve seen her and I know you. I think you could tell her you ate the family dog and she’d still be in your corner.”

“We don’t even have a dog. Look, while it’s nice that you’re so sure, that doesn’t mean I am.”

Jace shrugged. “You’ll never know unless you tell her.”

***

“Alright,” Alec said through panting breaths, wiping the sweat dripping off of his nose onto the shoulder of his damp t-shirt. “One more time, from the top.”

His bandmates groaned.

“If I have to go through ‘Pull Up To The Bumper’ again, I think my fingers are going to fall off,” Simon complained.

“You guys don’t even have day jobs!” Izzy accused, crossing her arms in annoyance. “I’ve been on my feet since eight in the morning!”

“C’mon Mr. Perfection, it’s late,” Jace said while throwing his hands up. 

Alec huffed and said, “Fine. Can we at least run through a few of our originals? I think the new one still needs some polish and I want to hear if quickening up my sticks makes it work better.”

“No!” Jace exclaimed. “We’re beat! We’ve been at this for hours! Stay if you want, but I want to go home and get some shut eye.”

“Alright, be that way. I’ll see you guys at home,” Alec dismissed them, not moving from his seat.

His sister scoffed at him while Jace just threw his hands up. They packed up their instruments while he sat at his drum set and waited for them to leave. As they filed out, Clary called out a small: “Don’t stay too late.”

He twirled one of his sticks while running his tongue along the still healing lump inside his cheek where he had bit it a week and a half ago. He took a deep breath and began pounding away, trying to will himself not to think about the lunch he had with his mother earlier that day.

_“It was so nice of you to invite me out to lunch, Alec,” Maryse said as they approached the table in the outdoor seating section of the bistro. “It’s such a nice day out, don’t you think?”_

_“Yeah, Mom,” he said, pulling out her chair for her. She gave him an endearing smile, then sat at the offered seat. After he pushed in her chair for her, he sat down on his own next to her._

_Her eyes scanned his face for a moment before she reached her hand up and lightly pushed his bang away from over his left eye. He tightened his lips together, hoping they at least somewhat resembled a smile._

_She moved her gaze downward and pulled up the menu on the table to an angle she could read it at._

_“A cobb salad sounds nice. I do like to have cold meals when the weather starts to really warm up,” she said, voice uneven._

_“Yeah,” Alec sighed out. “I’ve heard good things about their cold cuts, so maybe I’ll have one of their sandwiches.”_

_The conversation remained like that, all small talk about things like the weather, the books Maryse was reading for her book club, and some recent renovation projects Alec had spotted on his way there to repair some of the acid rain damage around the city. They ate their lunch like that for a time until Maryse cleared her throat and said:_

_“I read in the Times the other week that President Reagan thinks there should be wide-scale AIDS testing.”_

_Alec shook his head and rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his water. “So he’s finally decided to say something about AIDS. At this rate, we’ll have a cure by the turn of the millennia.”_

_“Alec, be serious.” She sighed, then sat up straighter in her seat. “I mean, there must be a reason why some people get it more than others.”_

_“And what reason do you think that is?” he asked, rolling the corner of his napkin between his finger with one hand and the other going down to rest over the cigarette case in his pocket. Through the material of his jeans, he could feel the dented corner._

_“Some people would say that it’s God’s punishment.”_

_“‘Some people’?”_

_“The church,” she said, eyeing him and seemingly trying to find some reaction. “Beatrice from my book club said she thinks it’s...killing all the right people.”_

_“She sounds like a bitch,” Alec said before he could stop himself, his mother taking in a shocked gasp._

_“Language!” she said in a sharp tone. “Just because you’ve dressed yourself like you’re from the wrong side of the tracks, it doesn’t mean you should start swearing like a sailor!”_

_“Sorry, Mom,” he said in a flat voice. He huffed through his nose and said, “Izzy told me you’re getting a divorce. Did your gardening friends have anything to say about that?”_

_She looked down at her hands and pursed her lips. “It’s a trial separation. Your father and I haven’t made that information public yet.”_

_“Why not? I’m sure those 'friends' of yours would love to hear about it. Apparently Dad’s infidelity was all the talk of Max’s graduation party according to Izzy.”_

_His mother started taking quick sharp breaths in and out of her nose._

_“Why are you talking to me like this?”_

_“I don’t know, Mom. Why did you decide to start talking about AIDS?”_

_“Alec, you were arrested in that club! What were you even doing there?” she cried out her voice breaking up._

_“I was in the middle of playing a song for people paying good money to hear me play. What do you think I was doing? Tell me.”_

_“I don’t know what kinds of things happen in those kinds of places. They wouldn’t have arrested the people there for no reason.”_

_“Except that they did!” Alec shouted as he stood from his chair and looked down at her. He brought his face down to her level and pointed at his bruised forehead. “Do you think I asked for this? Do you think they dropped everyone’s charges out of the goodness of their hearts?”_

_“Please sit down, Alec,” she said in a low voice. “I just want to be civil.”_

_“If you wanted to be civil, you wouldn’t have started accusing me of things I didn’t do or making excuses for the people who spit on me and beat me up.”_

_He stood up tall again and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. He threw down a five dollar bill onto the table in front of Maryse._

_“Thanks for lunch.”_

_As he walked away, he could hear his mother calling after him but he didn’t turn around._

He broke a stick against the metal side of his kit as he continued to pound out everything he was feeling alone in the practice hall.

***

It was mid-afternoon when he woke up the next day. His arms were pleasantly sore from the workout he got yesterday beating his drums into late in the night. When he walked out into the living room, he saw his sister idly flipping through some glossy magazine in the armchair in their living room. He walked past her and over to the Mr. Coffee to brew a fresh pot.

“You’re home early,” he said while scooping out some fresh grounds of Yuban.

“I told my counter manager I was tired,” she said, not looking up. “My brother kept me up all night worrying. We had enough coverage so she’s letting me make up the hours by staying late on Friday. Been home about an hour.”

He huffed, filling up the coffee maker with water and flipping the ‘on’ switch. “I’m fine. I told you, I just wanted to work out the kinks on our new material.”

She flipped the magazine closed, held her hands up, and looked up at the ceiling. “Tell me, O Lord, why is my brother such a big fat liar?”

She crossed her arms and stared him down. “Mom called while you were asleep.”

“And what did Maryse have to say this time?” he asked, drumming his fingers on the counter next to the coffee maker as he waited for it to finish brewing.

“You guys had a fight. Probably both said stuff you regret.”

“She started it.”

“Oh!” Izzy cried out as she stood up to walk over to him, arms still crossed. “The middle school approach, huh?”

Her face softened. “Look, I’m sorry. I know Mom can be difficult. I’ve lived with both of you, you’re both difficult. She just needs time and for you to actually tell her what’s going on in your life instead of leaving it up to her imagination.”

“I told her I got arrested for playing music in a club that the cops decided to raid, that is the truth,” he said, turning his back to her and grabbing a mug out from the cupboard.

“We both know that’s not the whole truth. Alec, she’s a middle-aged woman from an upper-class neighborhood whose job for the past twenty-some-odd years has been going to church, raising babies, and socializing with other middle-aged women. All she knows about gay people comes from Pope John-Paul and Walter Kronkite, and if you haven’t noticed the church and the news haven’t been very gay-friendly.”

“Izzy,” he said while he poured the coffee, “I can’t deal with this right now. I’m tired. The last thing I need is a lecture about how her ignorance is my problem.”

“She is ignorant though!” Izzy cried. “She literally has not had the chance to learn! And throwing low-blows isn't the way to teach her!”

“Then why don’t you find someone who wants to do that?” Alec challenged her. “All I want right now is to drink my coffee and have a smoke, not get chewed out for being angry about getting accused of having AIDS.”

Her arms fell to her sides. “I’m sorry. Listen, I don’t know everything she said. I know it can’t have been very kind if it has you all wound up like this.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Alec said, his voice soft.

Izzy bit her lip. "Are you ever going to actually say the words though? 'Hey, Mom. I'm gay.'"

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't know how to," he answered, touching the case in his pocket. "I mean, I guess I do in a literal sense, but...it doesn't really feel that simple. If only they had a book on it or something to give her. 'All You Need To Know About Having A Gay Son'. She could take that to those fucking people in her book club." He let out a strained laugh.

She kicked the tip of her her toe against the ground before suddenly perking up for a moment, a glint in her eye. She gave him a quick tap with her hand to his chest. “Hey,” she said. “I love you, big brother. Don't keep me in the dark, okay? Next time, just...talk.”

He gave her a crooked smile, confused. “Okay, whatever. Love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been itching trying to figure out where to put that "killing all the right people" line. I think it is a perfectly chilling statement and while it sounds, as YouTuber Matt Baum puts it, "cartoonishly evil", it was a real thing that someone said in front of one of the screenwriters for the late-80s show 'Designing Women'. She was inspired by that line and by her mother who got AIDS during a blood transfusion to write an episode about the crisis, which came out in 1987, the same year this fic is placed.
> 
> "When Designing Women Taught America About AIDS" - Matt Baum: https://youtu.be/9hthJmbDQWY  
> "Killing All The Right People" - Designing Women: https://youtu.be/VW5-IErNxuM


	16. Chapter 15: I Was Born This Way

Alec finished setting up the last of his kit, then came around to where Simon and Clary were doing final instrument checks. He looked out from behind his kit to around the crowd. With only a week away till New York City’s Pride Parade the bar was more packed than he had ever seen it, though he was sure it would only get more busy once Pride was in full swing.

_“Who’s the new guy?” Simon asked, hands full with the snare drum he was carrying but indicating towards the bar with his head at the bar as they walked into Pandemonium._

_Izzy smirked. “Raphael. One of my old squeezes. Magnus said he was looking for an extra pair of hands on deck and I told him I knew someone who was pretty good with his hands. If you’re interested, I can talk to him after the show and the three of us might be able to make some kind of arrangement.”_

_She winked at Simon, making his neck flushed pink._

_“You guys are gross,” Alec said as he pushed past them._

_“As ever, don’t mind my dear brother,” Izzy said to Simon with eyes narrowed on Alec. “He was tragically born with chronic stick-up-the-ass syndrome. Now, you certainly have some quick fingers--”_

_“Work now, flirt later!” Alec called out as he darted back to make his next trip out to the van._

Over at the bar, he could see Izzy leaning over to Maia talking while Raphael was pouring some bright red cocktail for one of the clients crowding around him. He could see that whatever she was saying, Maia seemed to be listening intently with her head leaned in close to catch every word. Alec walked around the main stage area, triple checking that everything was where it should be. He moved some of the cords that had been haphazardly laid down, knowing if they were left loose Jace would certainly get caught on one and fall.

_Even when he doesn’t have his guitar to play, he still gets so into the performance. He’d probably fall right off the stage if he didn’t have Clary to watch his back and keep him in check._

Looking around, he couldn’t see Jace anywhere.

“Clary!” Alec called, catching her attention away from what she had been doing. She looked up from where she was crouched. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He said he wanted to talk to Magnus about Pride before the show,” she replied.

Alec furrowed his brows. “What? Why?”

She shrugged. “That’s all he said. I think he had a question about his float or something.”

Alec looked at his watch. It was only ten minutes till the show was set to start. “Alright, I’ll go see about grabbing him. You got the rest of this, right.”

She gave a curt nod and he hopped down off the stage to walk up to the balcony. He decided it must be the atmosphere that was making them all so disorganized tonight. The nerves that came before every show, plus how hot and packed Pandemonium was could be enough to throw anyone off.

“Hey,” he announced as he reached where Jace and Magnus were sitting together. “We’re on in ten.”

“Yes,” Magnus said in his usual calm friendly tone. “We can continue this conversation later, but I do like your idea, Jace.”

Jace beamed at him, then got up to follow Alec. As they walked down the stairs, Alec turned his head to Jace and asked, “What was that all about?”

“The parade,” Jace stated simply. “I asked if I could walk with him.”

Alec felt his voice catch in this throat, gobsmacked.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jace said as he clasped a hand around his shoulder, his signature crooked grin plastered on his face. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal your boyfriend! I just wasn’t sure if I could go, but he told me a bunch of straight people walk. There’s even whole floats of straights that go there just to support the gays.” He poked Alec on the chest with the hand that wasn’t around his shoulder. “Though, I don’t wanna walk with them. I want to be there, walking proud side-by-side with my brother.”

Alec hadn’t even made up his mind about going before that moment, but now he was sure. He swallowed the lump in his throat and threw his arms around Jace.

“It wouldn’t be much of a parade without my brother there,” he said into Jace’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for a moment before Jace pulled back. 

“Alright, alright, enough of this mushy stuff. It’s time to rock and roll!”

Whatever had been in the atmosphere he had been feeling seemed to dissipate. He caught Izzy’s eye at the bar where she was still huddled over talking to Maia. He smiled at her and nodded in the direction of the stage. She gave him a thumbs up, then grabbed the shot glasses that were on the bar top in front of her before walking over to their set up. She handed a glass each to Jace, Clary, and Simon before holding out two to Alec.

“Trying to get me drunk?” he asked.

“Trying to get you loosened up!” she exclaimed. “You’ve been so worked up and in your head all week! Relax, Alec. Tonight is going to go great!”

“You’re right. Let’s fuckin’ do this!” he laughed, downing the first then the second shot.

Playing that night came easier than it had during their practice sessions on Monday and Tuesday night. The set went off without a hitch and by the time they were finished, the crowd was clamoring and he was drenched with sweat and euphoric from the energetic set they played. He got up rubbing down his face with his sweat towel and began taking down his kit. Just barely in his earshot over the settling down of the crowd and the regular club beats coming back on the speakers he heard Jace say:

“Izzy, did Alec invite Maryse?” 

He shot up and looked at Jace, following the direction of his brother’s gaze. Sure enough, in the very back of the club stood none other than Maryse Lightwood, her hands clasped tightly in front of her as she watched them on stage.

“No, I did. But I didn’t think she’d show,” he heard his sister say.

He felt Jace come up behind him. “You gonna be okay, buddy?”

“I’m sure she’ll leave if you want her to, Alec,” he heard Simon say softly.

His breath was coming out shallow and he felt like he was glued to his spot. Suddenly, there was a gentle hand on his elbow. He looked over and saw Clary was touching him.

“Alec. Hey,” she smiled encouragingly.

“It’s--I can’t...breathe.”

“I know,” she said reassuringly. “It’s okay.”

“I can’t do this,” he said. “I need to go. To talk to her. Can you take down my kit for me?”

“You don’t have to explain,” Simon said. “We’ve got your back.”

“Guys, I’m sorry.”

Izzy came over and put her hand on his cheek. “Hey, I know what family means to you. You deserve the chance to figure things out with Mom. Okay? We’ll be fine.”

Alec smiled and pulled away from her touch. He stepped out to the edge of the stage and paused. The club was dim, but he could tell she was watching him. He walked down the steps, making a b-line straight for her until she was right in front of him. Without thinking, he took her in his arms and held her tight, pressing his face to the crown of her head.

“Alec,” she whimpered against him, gripping him back. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” he murmured into her hair.

They stood like that for a moment before Alec pulled back and said, “C’mon. It’s quieter upstairs. We can talk.”

As he and his mother were walking up the steps, Magnus was walking down them.

"Good evening, Maryse! What an unexpected pleasure," he said with a disarming smile. Maryse looked tense for a moment, looking between Alec and Magnus before giving him a small smile in return. "Sorry to be rushing out, but I just remembered I needed to go take care of something. Feel free to enjoy the balcony without me."

He gently squeezed Alec's arm with his hand, lingering for a moment before descending the rest of the way down the steps. Alec turned to his mother, putting his hand on her shoulder to lead her up. 

They sat on the same couch where three months prior Alec and Magnus had first sat together. Maryse took a deep breath, then began to speak.

"Alec, I'm so sorry for how I spoke to you at lunch on Monday. I know I said some...unkind things. No, not unkind. Cruel. I had no right to speak to you like that, no one does. I guess...I was just scared."

She began to tear up.

"It just feels like...my whole world is falling apart. You and Izzy moving out and avoiding my calls the moment you turned 18, Max leaving to go to school overseas, Robert's affair...it felt like I had lost my whole family. But then you came back, and things were so wonderful! I got to call you and talk to you, and you would call me and we had lunches together for the first time in years! I had my son, my firstborn, back."

Her tears began to flow down her face, but Alec remained completely still as if by moving that he would break the spell.

"And then we got that horrible call from your sister. You had been arrested. We went to the precinct and waited and waited for hours for you to come out. And then you did, but you were pale, and bruised, and covered in blood…it was like seeing my worst nightmare."

She started furiously wiping at her tears before continuing.

"And then, all I could think about was that it was a gay bar! You had been arrested at a gay bar! And Magnus was at the station and the way you spoke to each other. You were so…familiar! And I realized that you had lied to me. That you knew him this whole time. And I felt so betrayed. It felt like I didn't really have you back at all, because there was this thing, this whole part of your life that you had hid from me. That you couldn’t feel like you could trust me enough to talk to me.”

Alec bit his lip and looked down. She was rubbing her hands against her knees. He laid his hands on top of hers, and she took a shaky breath.

“Then we had that lunch. I was so...mad at you! Not just because of the arrest, but because of the lies. And then sitting there, just talking about nothing, and it was like you were talking to me through a wall. Like you had built this stone wall so that I couldn't see you or reach you, but I had. I caught a glimpse at that station of the 'you' that you hid from me. And...God Almighty, that part terrifies me! Because I saw what they did to you, how they beat you! And on the news, they said AIDS has killed thousands of gays just in New York, with more and more dying everyday! And I saw you in my head, in my mind’s eye: beaten, and bloody, and dead. And I was scared."

She reached out and grabbed his hands, clutching them hard enough that her knuckles were turning white.

"Seeing you and talking to you, but saying nothing, I felt so upset! So I lashed out, trying to get a rise out of you and get you to say something real, but all I did was push you farther away. God, I'm a horrible mother!"

“No,” he finally interjected, “you’re not. I’m sorry, Mom. About lying, and about throwing the separation in your face. You know, I’m actually really proud of you for going through with it.”

They sat together like that for a moment, her hands still holding onto his like her life depended on it. He squeezed his eyes shut, suring up his courage before finally saying it.

“Mom. I’m gay.”

He opened his eyes to see her doubling over, putting her head on top of their joined hands. He could feel the wetness from her tears as she let out a sob.

“What did I do?” she moaned. “How can I fix this?”

“It’s not something you can fix, Mom,” he told her gently but firmly. “It’s who I am. Magnus is my boyfriend. And...I’m happy.”

“But how?” she wailed. “How did it happen?”

“It didn’t just happen, Mom. I think...that God just made me this way.”

“Why?” she said with a sob. “Why would He do that? Lord, how could you do this to my boy? Please, don’t take my son away from me!”

“I’m not going anywhere, Mom. I’m right here.”

Maryse pulled Alec’s hands closer into her double-overed form, not saying another word, instead just sobbing.

“Hey,” a voice suddenly called out. Maryse and Alec’s heads shot up and looked in the direction where it was coming from. 

Maia stood some distance away from them, two classes on a tray. 

_How long has she been standing there? Isn’t she supposed to be working the bar?_

“Here, I brought you some waters,” she said, setting the tray down.

Maryse straightened up, letting go of Alec’s hands and wiping her face with the back of her hand.

She cleared her throat, picking up one of the glasses and taking a small sip. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she said, then she leaned over to Maryse and gently laid her hand on her shoulder. “You look like you could use some air. Do you wanna go outside and we can take a walk?”

 _‘We’?_

And then his eyes went wide as it dawned on him. He had told Izzy to go and find someone who could teach Maryse about the community, and she had. He suddenly remembered the first time he and Maia actually spoke, the night that he and Magnus had their first kiss.

_“Now that my brother’s gone, my dad is in full PFLAG mode.”_

“That’s a great idea. C’mon, Mom,” he said as he took her hand and stood up.

She looked between Maia and Alec for a moment, then gingerly stood as if her knees were weak.

“A walk sounds nice,” Maryse said in a small voice.

***

He was languidly kissing Magnus the next morning, still nude from their activities the night before.

_Pandemonium was closed by the time they had gotten back from their walk. Maia answered as many questions for Maryse as she could, explaining concepts and telling her about the long journey that her and her father went through together._

_“Here’s my number, my father’s number, and the number of the local PFLAG chapter,” Maia had said, pressing a piece of paper into her hand before they parted._

_“Thank you so much,” Maryse said to her, then turned to Alec. “Do you want to share a cab home?”_

_Alec shook his head. “That’s alright, Mom. I actually have someone I need to meet.”_

_She smiled, then reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Alright then. I love you, sweetheart. Don’t be a stranger.”_ _  
_ _“Love you too, Mom.”_

_He waited till she got into the cab they called for at the payphone outside of Pandemonium, then began the walk to Magnus’ place. He knocked on the door and waited a moment for Magnus to answer, already showered and in his pajamas._

_“Alexander,” he said softly. “I wasn’t expecting to see you again tonight.”_

_“Yeah,” Alec said as he walked past him and into the apartment. “It’s been a long night. There’s so much I need to tell you, so many things we should be talking about.”_

_He bit his lip and turned to face Magnus._

_“But can we skip that part for now?” Alec asked. “Can you just be kissing me?”_

“Good morning,” Alec said against his lips.

“Probably more like ‘good afternoon’,” Magnus said, leaning his forehead into Alec’s. He put on a mischievous smile and said, “You know, originally I planned on calling you this morning so we could discuss your fine.”

“‘Fine’?” 

“Yes. You did steal my best bartender and I ended up having to mix cocktails with Raphael all night. But...I think last night you paid it back with interest.”

Alec blushed. Flashes of the night's events going through his head, the feeling of skin pressed against skin, of mouths kissing everywhere, and the echoes of the sounds of their pleasure ringing in his ears. 

“How did it go?” Magnus asked softly. “With your mother?”

“Good,” Alec answered. “There’s a lot of work to be done. We can’t just go out, have a coffee together, and expect things to be like they were before. It’ll take time. I’m sure we’ll have other setbacks, but...I think we can do this.”

Magnus pulled Alec into another kiss and said, “I’m so proud of you. And so happy you get to have this. I love you.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to build a relationship with your mother,” he whispered, running a finger around the perimeter of Magnus’ face. "But I think it's amazing how you've helped build a community here and made a new family. I think if I had been one of those kids who got kicked out by their parents and wound up in Greenwich Village, I'd've been real lucky if I found you."

"And with looks like yours, I would have made sure to keep you for good," Magnus teased before sighing. “I do think about it sometime though, if she hadn't done it. But, I don’t know where I’d be if she were still here. All of the good things, all of the bad things: they brought me here. And I wouldn’t change that for anything, Alexander.”

Magnus gave him one last lingering kiss before saying, “Alright, I’m already behind schedule for the day. The parade is only a week away and there’s still so much to do. Let’s make some breakfast.”

He untangled himself from Alec, rolled out from his side of the bed, put on his robe, and padded off. Alec got up as well, pulling out a clean pair of briefs from the dresser and fluffing up the side of his hair that had flattened out during his sleep in the vanity. He got in close to look at the last remnants of the bruise on his forehead. Most of the purple was gone and had faded to a mottled sickly yellow. Without the dark coloration around it the new scar cutting through his eyebrow was more noticeable, the skin pink and a small but clearly visible gap in his brow. _At least the bruise should be all healed up by Pride._

Magnus already had the phone tucked into the crook of his shoulder while he moved about the kitchen.

“--printer says we need to give him the designs by Wednesday if he’s going to finish them in time. … Yes, I’m going to call my friend Paula Scher. I know she would just love this sort of project. She still owes me a favor, so I think I can get her to expedite it and--… Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. Alright, I’ve gotta go. … And you too. Goodbye.”

He hung up the phone, continuing to mix up whatever he had in a bowl on the countertop.

“I thought you already fixed the stuff for the float?” Alec asked as he looked over Magnus’ shoulder to see what he was making. _Pancake batter_. 

He turned and reached into the oven to pull out the flat-bottomed griddle and turned on the burner so the pan could pre-heat.

“No, this isn’t for the float. I received a last minute request.”

Alec watched him as he pointedly avoided his gaze and started to cut up some strawberries.

“You’re being very cryptic,” Alec said with a smirk.

“I’m not being cryptic,” he objected in a playful tone. “I’m being coy.”

Magnus delicately fanned out the berries along the edges of the two plates he had set on the counter before grabbing the batter bowl and a ladle to start cooking the cakes.

“Alright,” Alec said, then pecked a quick kiss on Magnus’ cheek. “I just hope you’re not overextending yourself. Between managing the club, your dance classes, meetings with the other mothers, preparing for the parade, and now doing favors...I just don’t want it all to get too much for you. You know I’m here if you need me to take anything off your plate.”

“My dear, sweet Alexander,” he drew out, “‘too much’ is my middle name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been such a blast to write. It's been incredibly cathartic for me and I've enjoyed every moment I've had writing it. It definitely grew out significantly more and went farther-a-field than I had originally anticipated, but like my favorite author GRRM, I'm much more of a gardener than an architect when it comes to writing. I can plan out as much as I'd like and plant ideas and characters, but the characters' personalities and choices dictate where the story goes. The comments I've received have helped me immensely as well with inspiring ideas and thinking of new things, and I really do appreciate any and all comments. Right now, I have a clear end goal in mind and I think that it should be just two more chapters, but I won't know until I finish writing it. Thank you all so much for your support, and I hope you enjoy as we eventually reach our conclusion.


	17. Chapter 16: Hey Lover

After finishing with breakfast, Alec sat down on the couch while Magnus began to rush around the apartment.

"I have got a business lunch to plan for later, I have to make some calls to sort out some last minute arrangements, a few of my children said they needed my help coordinating fabrics so that their gowns go with the design of the float," Magnus spoke quickly while moving around the living room and grabbing some books off of one of his shelves. "It's going to be quite dull. You should head home. Spend some time writing some material to play next week. After all, next Thursday is going to be our busiest Thursday of the year, the last Thursday before Pride. Maybe write a song to tell them to tip their waitress or something, you have to pay Maia back somehow."

Magnus set the small stack on the coffee table, then sat and grabbed out a pad of Post Its and top book from the stack. He began quickly flipping through the book before stopping, writing a few notes on the pad, sticking the note onto the page, and resuming to thumb through the book. 

Alec glanced down at his watch quickly. “Yeah, I can do that. Maia did really do me a solid by talking with me and my mom last night.”

Magnus shook his head, then took his own ornately decorated cigarette case off of the table. “Oh no. I’m not talking about that.”

Magnus offered his open case and his lighter to Alec, who took them and lit up. “What are you talking about?”

“I did my best to run the bar as best I could in her absence, and while I can mix a mean dry martini, I’m no bartender. I know for certainty that we ruined her bottle organization,” Magnus said as he ashed his cigarette into the tray in front of them. “Your new guitarist asked if he could help, but I’m not sure he accomplished much more than breaking a couple of glasses behind the bar while turning red at every flirtation thrown at him”

“Who the hell would be flirting with Simon?”

“If I told you, you would roll those beautiful eyes of yours so hard that I fear I would never see again.”

Alec pursed his lips and suppressed the urge. He took a quick puff of his cigarette and put his hand on Magnus’ knee. Magnus immediately froze and looked up at him with a tender gaze.

“Yes?” Magnus asked in a soft voice. “Did you need something?”

Alec smiled at how sweet he looked and sounded. “I wanted to ask, since I haven’t actually yet. Would you like me to walk in the parade?”

“Oh,” Magnus said in a surprised tone. “I guess I never did ask you. I think I just assumed you would.”

“No!” Alec exclaimed. “Well, I mean yes! I want to. I just never asked if it would be okay with you. You know, since I’m not a drag queen.”

Magnus looked amused. “You don’t have to be a drag queen to walk with my float, Alexander. In fact, I think it would be quite nice to have a couple of hunks walking with the children. It would definitely get us more attention.”

“‘A couple of hunks’?” Alec asked. “Is there something we should talk about?”

Magnus looked like a deer in headlights for a moment. “No! I--think some of the other girls might be bringing boyfriends. In fact, I’m certain of it. Nothing to worry about, Alec.”

“I’m just teasing,” Alec said, stamping out his finished cigarette, “though, you’re being _coy_ again.”

Alec leaned over and kissed Magnus, wishing him a good day before heading home.

Walking back into his apartment, he was greeted with the sight of Izzy, Raphael, and Simon eating cereal and drinking coffee together at his kitchen table while Jace was laying across the couch in the living room area reading some magazine with headphones on. Izzy and Raphael were both wearing oversized shirts that Alec knew were from Izzy’s closet while Simon was wearing the clothes he had been wearing the previous night, though it was significantly more wrinkled and marked up since Alec had last seen him.

“Izzy,” Alec chided as he walked over to the coffee maker, “what did I say about bringing home strays?”

“What do you mean, we’re just good friends,” Simon said as he laughed nervously.

“Sure, yeah, of course we’re friends,” he poured his splash of milk into his coffee as he spoke. “Hey Simon, you have my little sister’s lipstick on your shirt.”

Simon scrambled and began stretching out his shirt to see what Alec was talking about before spotting the distinctive dark red smear that Alec had noticed just peeking out from the inside of his collar.

Simon began stammering, “I--it’s--uh--”

“I don’t care,” Alec interrupted. “Please don’t give me details, I don’t want to know. Anything happening today?”

“Do I actually get to see my brother during the weekend?” Izzy asked in a teasing tone, putting a spoonful of her cereal in her mouth. “It’s almost like we have shared custody of you. We drop you off with Magnus Thursday night and we don’t get you back till Monday morning. What gives?”

“Busy. He’s got a ton to do for the parade.”

Simon looked like he was about ready to say something when he suddenly jumped in his seat with a yelp. Izzy was giving him a hard glare.

“Great, so everyone is being weird here too,” Alec said in a monotone voice and pulling out his case. “Whatever.”

He nudged Jace’s foot to catch his attention. He peeked his head from over his magazine. 

“What a surprise!” he said sarcastically as he pulled off his headphones. “Alec Lightwood, here in my apartment on a Friday before noon! Is it my birthday?”

“Shut up,” Alec admonished. “Wanna smoke? We can get some work done today.”

He did a casual shrug and got up off the couch. “Sure. Clary’s with her dad today, I got nothin’ on.”

Once outside, Alec took out a cigarette before offering him the case. Jace took it, pulled out a cigarette, then set it on his own lap.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Alec asked him incredulously, holding out his hand. “That’s mine.”

Jace picked up the case and examined it. “Why are you so attached to this thing? It’s just a case.”

“It’s my case, now stop fucking around,” Alec told him in a forceful tone, leaning to reach over to grab it, but Jace moved it to the hand farthest away and held it out of arm’s reach.

“Magnus, I’m trying to ask you something. It’s not decorated, it doesn’t have any kind of message on it, and it’s fuckin’ dented. Why keep it?” Jace insistently asked, holding out his hand to push against Alec’s chest so he couldn’t get any closer.

Alec huffed and answered, “It was a gift.”  
“From Magnus? Right?” Jace pressed.

“Yeah. He gave it to me.”

Jace examined the case in his hand then looked at his lap. “It’s weird man. Y’know, I was pretty sure for the longest time you had the hots for me. You’d get all annoyed at whatever girl I was seeing, I’d catch you staring at me and shit.”

Alec straightened up and put the unlit cigarette behind his ear. “What are you trying to get at?”

“Nothing like that,” Jace said with a sneer. “You’re like my brother, even if I was that way.”

Alec glared at him and Jace softened his features. “No, look, Alec. I just mean...You were crushin’ on me basically since we were kids. Then one day, you come home after staying out all night and you have this fuckin’ cigarette case and...you just changed. Not in a bad way. Like, you just seemed...I don’t know. Happy?”

Jace sighed and flipped around the case, thumbing along where the dent was. “Like, you met him, he gave you this case, and suddenly you’re practically moved in with the guy, and you’ve got like...a pep in your step.”

Alec scoffed, then quickly made to snatch the case from Jace who moved it away again just before he could take it.

“Jace, stop acting like a child and give my case back to me.”

“Hang on a second,” he said. “Just listen. I’m not trying to say I disapprove or anything like that. I’m happy that you two are together. It’s just...like how do you have that? That instant sort of connection like that? One night and one dinky little cigarette case, and you’re over the moon. I’ve never gotten some tchotchke and thought, ‘Man, I love this thing.’ But you act like it’s your most important possession. You’re always fiddling with it in your hands when you’re not even smoking, touching it when it’s just sitting in your pocket, acting all pissy when I don’t immediately give it back. It’s almost like it’s your wedding band or something.”

Alec furrowed his brow, then pulled the cigarette from behind his ear and sat down.

Jace rolled his eyes then held the case out to Alec, who took it back and slid it immediately into his pocket.

“It’s just...I guess I want to understand how you can have that kind of connection. Like, I watch you two and it’s like, ‘Is that what love at first sight looks like?’ Because right from the get go with you two, even I could see there was something there. When I met him for the first time, it felt like _Guess Who's Coming To Dinner_. I didn’t get it. He’s a man, he’s effete, he’s older...I just didn’t get it. But I got there.”

Alec paused for a moment before cracking a smile. “You do kinda look like Spencer Tracy.” 

That earned him an arm punch and a “shut the fuck up”. “I’m serious though. The way you act and the way you look at him, it’s like no one else exists for you. You stopped looking at guys, now you’ve only got eyes for him. You came out to your parents all because you met him.” Jace lit his cigarette and looked out over the balcony. “Would you marry him?”

Alec shook his head and said, “I don’t let myself think about that kind of stuff. The kind of stuff I can’t have.”

“But if you could,” Jace asked while putting the hand he wasn’t smoking with into his pocket.

“Yeah. I would,” Alec stated.

“You sound so sure. How?” Jace asked before taking a long drag.

“I just...know,” Alec said while shrugging. “You can just feel it when you’re with them and when you think about them. You look at them and you think that they’re the most interesting person in the room. You like hearing what they have to say and what they think. Their opinions are more important than anyone else’s that you’ve ever met. And you like just being around them, not even doing anything. Just being there.”

Jace smiled fondly at him. 

“What are you looking at?” Alec asked with a crooked smile.

“Nothin’. I just never thought I’d see Alec Lightwood talking about how in love he is like a smitten schoolgirl.”

“Ah, go fuck yourself,” Alec told him as Jace laughed.

“You know I’m just bustin’ your balls. I’m happy for you man, genuinely.”

Alec rolled his eyes, then lightly tapped Jace’s shoulder with the back of his hand. “What was all that about though?”

Jace looked nervous as he took a long inhale from his cigarette and shifted from foot to foot. “Naw, man, it’s just...you’re both guys and you act like you’re married. You get all googly-eyed when you’re around him and Magnus looks at you like the sun shines outta your ass. Me and Clary...I love her and everything. She just...my girlfriend. How do I know when...y’know?”

“What, when to give her a cigarette case?” Alec asked with a laugh, making Jace huff with annoyance. “Jace, the fact that you’re trying to think about Clary as ‘wife material’ after dating less than six months, I would take that as a good sign. Especially for you. You’re the biggest commitment-phobe I’ve ever met. I’ve seen you go into a club with one girl on your arm and leave with a different one. I think the longest relationship you had before this one was when you held hands with Jessica Hawkblue during recess everyday for a week in fifth grade.”

“She got too clingy, wanted to move to holding hands at lunch,” Jace quipped.

“You two work together,” Alec stated. “Even if she only feels like a girlfriend to you now, that’s practically married for you. Give it time and don’t try to force it. When you’re ready, you’ll know.”

Jace exhaled a small laugh through his nose. “Alright. Thanks, man. So, working today?”

“Yeah,” Alec said before taking a last puff from his cigarette. “It’s been a while and I think I should make a song for Thursday.”

“Alright then,” Jace said, flipping his butt over the edge of the balcony. “Let’s get to work.”

***

On late Tuesday afternoon, Alec stretched the phone out to the balcony. He was sitting on the chair out there and stretched down with the receiver in his hand to dial in the number. He sat back up and waited as it rang for several moments.

“Hey, Mom,” Alec said after the other line picked up.

“ _Alec, sweetheart! I was just about to call you!_ ” he heard her say excitedly. “ _I just got back in from that meeting._ ”

“Yeah,” Alec said, tucking the phone into the crook of his shoulder and pulling out his case. “Maia told me that the meeting would be today and I wanted to hear how it went.”

“ _It went very well. I wasn’t sure what to expect or what the people who would go to those sorts of things would be like, but everyone was so nice and normal._ ”

“What?” Alec said in a japing tone, “did you expect Maia’s dad to come dressed in a ballgown?” 

“ _No! It’s not that at all, I just didn’t know what to expect. It was very informative and very...comforting._ ”

Alec quickly lit his cigarette and extinguished the match. “You liked it?”

“ _You know,_ ” he heard her say with a sigh in her voice, “ _I really did. I wasn’t sure if I would, but I did. I liked meeting people who...had felt how I felt and could help me understand everything better._ ”

Alec couldn’t help but to smile. “Mom, I can't say how much this means to me. You going and everything.”

“ _Alec,_ ” he heard her say, “ _you’re my son. All of this is a lot for me and there’s been a bit of a learning curve, but I know how important this is to you so it’s important to me._ ”

“You know, next week there’s going to be a parade. PFLAG even has their own float that they walk with.”

“ _I’ve only been to one meeting, Alec. And it’s only been a few days since we had our conversation. I’m not sure if I’m quite there yet. But I’m working to get there._ ”

Alec nodded, even if she couldn’t see it. It wasn’t much of a surprise to him, but he had wanted to at least put it out there. “That’s okay, Mom. Y’know, Magnus has his own float he’s organizing with a couple of other people, so I’ll be there walking if you decide to change your mind.” 

“ _Thank you for offering, Alec. I’ll think about it._ ”

“Alright, well,” he said, “I just wanted to give you a call to see how you were doing after the meeting. I’ve gotta go get ready for practice tonight.”

“ _Of course, I should start thinking about dinner. Have fun and have a nice night. I love you, Alec._ ”

“Love you too, Mom. Bye,” he said.

“ _Goodbye, Alec._ ”

Alec hung up the phone back on the receiver and finished his cigarette in silence.

***

The week passed by quicker than Alec thought it possibly could have. Between working on the new song, practicing the old ones, and trying to sneak in as much time with Magnus as he could get, he nearly couldn’t believe that it was already Thursday. He hadn't gotten the chance to spend as much time with him over the weekend as he had become accustomed to, so Alec ended up on the M line to Magnus' place after practice on Tuesday and Wednesday night to see and spend time with him instead of taking the short walk back to the apartment with the others. 

_"You know," Magnus murmured into the back of Alec's neck, his silk pajama shirt just about stuck to his bare back in the humid New York summer night, "it's silly to have you waiting outside for me to come home or knocking on the door to come in."_

_"Well," Alec said before bringing Magnus' hand up to his face and kissing his wrist, "I can't exactly break in. I look enough like a criminal, I can’t go around actually being one."_

_Alec could feel Magnus silently chuckling behind him. "No, I mean, instead of letting you just fend for yourself that you should have a key.”_

_Alec pivoted around in Magnus’ embrace so he could face him. “A key to your place? That’s a big step.”_

_“Is that a ‘big step’ a bad way?” Magnus asked. “Is it too soon?”_

_Alec leaned in and kissed him hard. “In a good way.”_

Alec and Magnus were preparing to head to Pandemonium for the night’s show now, Alec happier to have his keyring just a little heavier. Alec was waiting for Magnus to finish applying his makeup for the night when there was a knock on the door.

“I’ve got it,” Alec said, getting up from where he was sitting on the bed watching Magnus.

“Oh!” Magnus exclaimed, rushing to get up, “that’s okay, let me get it!”

Alec stopped while Magnus scurried to the door. Peeking at him from the bedroom, he could hear Magnus talking in hushed tones with someone at the door and leaning most of his body out of the front door. He reached out and took something large from whoever was on the other side. Magnus turned, arms full with the big box he was now holding, and closed the door with his hip. 

“What was that about?” Alec asked, walking over to Magnus.

Magnus brought the box over to the kitchen and heaved it on top of the counter. He placed his hand on top of it, looked at Alec, and smiled.

“It’s for later. Let’s get finished getting ready and head out.”

Alec furrowed his brows and gave Magnus a crooked smile, then followed him as he went back to the bedroom vanity to finish his makeup.

“Being _coy_ again?” Alec teasingly asked.

“Always. How do you feel about this shade?” he said, picking up a square of eyeshadow to show to him.

***

A few hours later, Alec was sitting at his drum kit for the night’s show. There were bodies pressed together close all the way from the stage area to the bar. The crowd was more excited than they had been during any of their previous shows, the celebratory mood of the audience almost palpable as they drank, danced, and sang along to the familiar songs that The Shadowhunters played from their covers catalog. Alec could feel the drummer’s high setting in as he beat away at his kit and absorbed the jubilance and excitement from the crowd. They were reaching the end of their show now with just the newest song that he and Jace had finished up that weekend. After they finished their penultimate song, he took his sweat towel and wiped down his face before taking a breath and turning toward the microphone next to his kit.

“You know,” Alec called out into his microphone, “we’ve been playing here for a while, and we’re really glad to be able to call Pandemonium our home. We wanted to give some love to someone who is here for all of us and for all of you. She did something really kind for me this past week, and I know that she deserves a lot more appreciation than she gets. So we wrote a song for our favorite bartender in the world. Please be sure to stop by the bar and visit with her tonight and give her some love.”

Alec pounded out the opening beat to the song and Jace began to sing:  
  


_Help, I need another cocktail_ _  
_ _Can’t you see without one I’ll bail_ _  
_ _I got this guy, good piece of tail_ _  
_ _Tequila will make this ship sail_ _  
_

_I know you can get me a hit_ _  
_ _I need some shots from you Maia_ _  
_

_I know it might make me a skeeze_ _  
_ _But know where I wanna squeeze_ _  
_ _Get him drunk enough that he’ll please_ _  
_ _I’ll pay you, now don’t be a tease_ _  
_

_With some drinks this boy can get it_ _  
_ _Please pour me some shots, sweet Maia_ _  
_

_There’s a bartender I adore_ _  
_ _She how to make everyone soar_ _  
_ _I know you’ll think I’m a whore_ _  
_ _All I can do is ask her: “More!”_ _  
_

_I’m gonna give her a big tip_ _  
_ _Even more shots poured by Maia_  
  


They played out the final beats to the song and Clary called out to the crowd, “Let’s get drunk tonight!”

Alec knew that Maia wouldn’t have appreciated some sappy ballad. _What would the people of Pandemonium appreciate more than a song about ordering drinks, trying to hook up, and offering the bartender tips?_

The regular music of Pandemonium began to come back on and the band took down their set and moved quickly to get it passed the mob that had begun to huddle in close around Raphael and Maia at the bar. Hauling out his kit, he missed the cold. The heat of the humid late June night felt oppressive, even after getting out of the packed club. He wrapped his towel around his neck so that it could keep absorbing more, as he continued to actively sweat as he made the trips back and forth from the stage to the van. He and Simon finished up adjusting and tying down their equipment so that it wouldn’t move around when they left for the night and went back into the club and up to the balcony. 

Magnus and Jace were huddled close talking in low voices when they reached the top of the stairs while Izzy and Clary were pouring shots from a whiskey bottle that Izzy had procured at some point before the show started. When Jace spotted them coming up the stairs, he hopped up to his feet with a big smile and leaped over them with his hands up and ready for high fives, which Simon instinctively gave. 

Alec furrowed his brows and looked between Jace and Magnus. Jace pursed his lips and said, “What, you gonna leave me hanging? We _fuckin’ killed it_ tonight!”

Alec smirked and rolled his eyes before giving him the high five and walking over to sit next to Magnus. He started to open his mouth to ask Magnus what he and Jace were talking about, but Magnus moved in quicker and pressed a kiss to Alec’s lips.

He heard Izzy make a sultry “Ow!” and he broke the kiss to see her grinning and holding out two shots. “C’mon keep it to the bedroom! Now is the time to drink!”

They took the shots offered and waited till everyone else held a glass of their own. Jace held his own up high and announced, “To Pandemonium, The Shadowhunters, and our first Pride together: may we have many more!”

The others gave a cheer before taking their first shots of the night.

***

“I don’t think I can drive,” Simon said, his head leaned on Magnus’ shoulder as they sat next to each other at the bar.

“Your vehicle should be fine in the lot overnight,” Magnus told him as he patted his knee. 

Simon gave him a goofy smile in response. “So we’re all going back to Magnus’?”

Alec looked over at him confused, but Magnus didn’t visibly react, instead saying, “Yes, yes we are.”

_I need to remember to not let this weirdo drink so much._

The night was late and the bar was cleared out and they had begun cleaning up all of the abandoned and broken glasses, replacing emptied bottles, and wiping everything down. Alec passed by them with the flat mop. He had dampened it just enough that it could pick up all of the dirt, dust, and glitter from the night but would still be dry enough to begin the initial absorption of the sticky remnants of spilled drinks. Slowly but surely, the place was back to a state that would be good enough to open again the next day without it looking like a complete sty. 

Maia sighed and said, “I think that’s enough for tonight. I can come in a little early tomorrow to take care of some last minute touches, but having all of you here helping out really does make a difference. Thanks, guys. For this and for the song. That was really sweet.”

She smiled as she looked around at all of them, before settling her gaze on Simon.

“We should really get him out of here,” Magnus stated. “The last thing we need is to have this place all cleaned up to only have to clean it all again because someone can’t hold their liquor.”

Jace and Alec went over to Simon, putting his arms around their shoulders and hauling him to his feet.

“‘M fine,” Simon slurred. “Just a little tired. I’m not gonna barf.”

“Sure ya aren’t, buddy,” Jace said sarcastically as they began to walk them out of the bar. 

The whole group of them began all walking in the same direction, but when usually they would part ways between the station and Magnus’ place they didn’t. 

“Everyone worried about Simon?” Alec jokingly asked. “I mean, he’s drunk, but I think he shouldn’t be too much to handle.”

“Naw, man,” Jace replied. “There’s something else too.”

Alec looked at him strangely, trying to figure out what he meant wordlessly, but he didn’t respond.

They walked up the stairs to Magnus’ apartment, and all eight of them making their way inside. Jace and Alec laid Simon out onto one of the couches in the living room and Magnus rushed into the kitchen, filling up a glass with water and grabbing out a large mixing bowl from one of the counters. He placed them near Simon’s head and said, “If or when you need these, you’ve got water and something to vomit in.”

Simon merely grumbled in response.

Magnus clasped his hands together, looking around at the remaining group before settling his eyes on Jace. Maia stepped forward with a smile and asked, “Are we ready to show them?”

“Yes, they got here this afternoon,” Magnus responded.

“Let’s see ‘em then!” Jace said.

With that, Magnus went over to the kitchen and grabbed the large box he had received earlier.

“So is anyone going to say what’s actually going on?” Alec asked.

Magnus smiled fondly at him and opened the box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update took longer than I anticipated AND I extended how many chapters this work is going to be. I've been crazy busy with video meetings and lectures all week, but I managed to squeeze in some time working on this during the breaks I had throughout the day. That may have contributed to how much more I ended up putting in this than I originally meant to. I do have an absolute end in mind, but this ended up growing more into more than I thought it would and I wanted to have the ending I have in my head be more of it's own chapter. 
> 
> I'm so sorry to any actual musicians/poets. I studied English literature for my BA and have done some work with poetry, but try as I might I don't think I'll ever quite get meters/feet right! I worked to at least get each line sounding as okay as I thought I could and get them rhyming. I felt obligated that I should at least try my hand at writing a song for my fictional band.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this one, and if you'd like you can check out the companion piece I wrote to this. It's called "Paper Thin Hotel" and is an expansion and reworking of some ideas I had originally for the previous chapter. I have references to that fic here, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to. It is explicit, there is no Malec, and it is a completely optional additional reading that can just be read on its own.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed, all comments are welcome and definitely help keep me motivated.


	18. Chapter 17: How Will I Know

Inside the box, Alec could see neatly folded black cloth with something printed on it. It was only after Jace reached in and pulled a piece of cloth from on top that he saw what exactly it was. 

Jace held up a tshirt with a picture of his own face on it. Alec recognized it immediately as being the mugshot that had been taken of him the night the cops had raided Pandemonium. Magnus reached down into the side of the box, going through the stack and lifted up the soft cotton material. When he lifted it, he revealed that beneath the shirts that had Jace’s mugshot were shirts that had Maia’s. And finally underneath those were ones with Alec’s mugshot. He gently handed the small stacks of shirts with their faces to Jace and Maia. Maia smiled as she examined her shirts while Jace beamed from ear-to-ear.

"These are so cool, Magnus! They turned out even better than I had hoped that would!" Jace exclaimed.

"They're very punk," Maia said. "And I think they get the point across."

Magnus stood up, leaving the mostly empty box with Alec's shirts still inside on the floor. Alec hadn't moved since he saw his own battered reflection looking back at him. Magnus walked over to him and gently placed a hand on his chest.

"Alexander," Magnus said in a soft voice. "I completely understand if you don't want this." 

"Don't want it?" Jace derided. "Why wouldn't he like it? We got messed up for these, and we worked fuckin' hard on them. They look so damn cool!"

Alec pulled away from Magnus’ touch and reached down into the box and grabbed the one off the top. He unfolded it and held it up to look at it fully. He hadn’t had the chance to look at his mugshot and hadn’t gone out searching for it like Jace apparently had, so this was his first time seeing what he looked like when the wounds had still been fresh.

The front had his own face on it. He could see the still open gash on his brow from when they tackled him to the ground and how the whole area was swollen, including his swollen shut eye, and how the blood from it covered nearly the entirety of the left side of his face all the way down to the neckline of his ripped shirt. He could see the dribble of blood down his chin from where he had bitten the inside of his cheek when the cops threw him in the van. 

_ I look horrible. And so tired. _

Thinking back, he remembered how when they had them lined up much of the initial adrenaline had worn off and he had started to really feel the pain from the assault and from the too-tight cuffs they had just taken off of him before taking the picture. The sign he was holding in the picture, instead of having his name and case number, had the Pandemonium club logo on it. He flipped it around and on the back in blocky rainbow-colored font it read:

**6.4.1987**

**IT WAS A RIOT**

He looked down into the box and saw how many shirts there still were in the box.

“Why did you get so many?” he asked, voice distant. 

Izzy went over to the box, riffled through it, and pulled out the smallest shirt in the box. He watched as she pulled it up and held it over her torso. 

“We wanted to each have one. We wanted to show solidarity with the people who were arrested,” she said. “And I wanted to have something cool to wear when I walked next to my awesome brother.”

Alec furrowed his brows. “Is everyone walking with Magnus’ float?”

Maia shook her head. “No, my dad and I always walk with a photo of my brother with PFLAG. This year we also get to wear a picture of me!”

Alec looked around the room. Jace and Clary had decided to try on their shirts so they were actively wearing Jace’s mugshot, Maia was sorting through her small pile of shirts and examining the design, Simon was asleep on the couch, and Magnus and Izzy were watching and waiting to see Alec’s reaction.

Alec bit his lip and looked down at the shirt in his hands. “So did everyone know but me? That you guys were doing this.”

“Jace insisted it should be a surprise, for you and Maia,” Magnus explained. 

Alec shot his head up to look at her, and she shook her head and gave a crooked smile.

“Yeah, I didn’t know either. Magnus told me he had something for me, but he didn’t say what. But...I like it. I think it’s like your sister said, it shows that we’re standing together,” she said. She smiled sweetly at him. “So I got two very thoughtful gifts tonight.”

Alec breathed in deeply and absentmindedly rubbed the fabric between his fingers. He wasn’t quite sure what to feel about them yet. As thoughtful as it was, he still wasn’t sure if he liked them and the memories that bubbled up when he saw his battered visage, especially since now it would be expected that he would wear the shirt. He tossed it back to on top of the box it had come from and rubbed his face.

“You know, I’m feeling pretty wiped out. I think I’m gonna turn in for the night,” he said.

“That’s alright,” Magnus said comfortingly. “I can show everyone out.”

Izzy stopped him before he could meander over to the bedroom and threw her arms around him.

“I love you, Alec,” she said into his chest, then pulled back to look up at his face. “Get some rest.”

“Yeah,” Jace said, thumping his hand against Alec’s shoulder, “I think the energy from the show is starting to fade. I’m pretty beat too.”

He saw Clary and Magnus exchange a look he didn’t quite understand, but in that moment he wasn’t very interested in trying to figure it out. He turned and headed out of the room. He heard the others calling goodnight as he went into the master bedroom and through to the adjoining bathroom.

He leaned in towards his reflection so he could get a closer look at himself. He lifted his hand to gingerly run his finger across the pink line that cut through his eyebrow. While the bruises had faded and where his brow had been split open no longer hurt, the sensation still felt strange and almost overwhelming. He leaned back away from the mirror and took a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. He rubbed his mouth, feeling the coarse stubble against his fingers as he looked at himself in the mirror. 

He shook his head and turned away from the mirror to the shower and turned it on as hot as it would go. He undressed while he waited for it to heat up, throwing his clothes haphazardly at the hamper before stepping into the steamy shower. He hissed as the water hit his skin, flinching for a moment before summoning the willpower to force himself under the stream. He took deep breaths, enjoying the way the hot steam made his breath feel cool by comparison. He quickly shampooed before grabbing his washcloth and the bar of soap and began scouring himself clean. His skin turned pink from the hot water and from the vigor of his scrubbing.

"If you keep that up, you won't have much skin left," Alec heard from outside the shower.

Alec looked up at the door, then ran his hand over the glass to clear up some of the steam. He could see Magnus on the other side watching him through the fog. Alec sighed, rinsing himself off one last time then shutting off the water. He could see Magnus lean over for a moment then, through the mist he could see that he was holding Alec’s towel. Alec ran his hands over his body to brush off some of the water before he opened the door, took the offered towel, and rubbed it over his face and head. 

“Thank you,” Alec said as he ran the towel across his body to catch the remaining droplets before wrapping it around his waist. 

He gave Magnus a quick peck on the cheek before pushing past him to the sink and grabbing his toothbrush and the half-used tube of toothpaste. He began brushing his teeth and looked at Magnus, who had turned to watch him.

“Is everything alright?” Magnus asked carefully. 

Alec shrugged as he brushed, then said through a mouthful of foam, “‘S fine.”

Magnus moved over to him and delicately laid his arm on Alec’s bare shoulder before running his hand up to Alec’s cheek. Alec stopped brushing, closed his eyes, and leaned into his touch.

“You can tell me if everything was too much. I know Jace is quite...eager. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And I would never want to pressure you if you aren’t happy,” he said in a soft voice while gently stroking Alec’s cheek with his thumb.

Alec put his hand over Magnus’ and looked him in the eyes.

“It’s just all...a lot. I know it’s all coming from a good place. I think I just,” Alec paused, taking Magnus’ hand off his cheek to kiss his palm and hold it between his hands, “I need to sleep on it.”

Magnus nodded, his eyes looking fondly at Alec.

“A good night’s sleep sounds exactly like what we need,” he declared. “In my experience, morning light always makes things clearer.”

***

Alec was lying on his side when he woke the next morning, Magnus' chest pressed against his back with his arms limply lying across Alec’s midsection. He could feel his soft breathing tickling the hairs on the nape of his neck. Alec waking up must have awoken Magnus as well, because suddenly he felt him stirring and nuzzle up against him. He curled his arm around Alec and pulled him in closer.

"Good morning," he heard Magnus whisper into his neck.

"Morning," Alec whispered back as he laced his fingers with Magnus'. 

Magnus pressed a kiss against the spot where Alec's neck met his shoulder and asked, "How did you sleep?"

Alec pulled their joined hands up to his chest and said, "Yeah, I think so. I had a pretty nice teddy bear to cuddle up to."

"'Bear'?" Magnus began in a joking tone. "Trying to say I've been letting myself go?"

"Oh, hush," Alec playfully chided as he turned his head to look at Magnus. "Your abs are amazing."

"Mmm," Magnus hummed as he pressed more kisses to the back of Alec's neck. "I'm loving these complements first thing in the morning."

Magnus pressed his hips into Alec's and tangled his legs together with his. Alec let out a soft groan as he moved against Magnus, feeling Magnus’ arousal against his backside. Magnus’ hand went down to Alec’s stomach and tenderly stroked the skin above the waistline of his sweatpants, making Alec shudder. Alec craned his neck around and began kissing Magnus before rolling around and getting on top of him. He fumbled with unbuttoning Magnus’ pajama shirt, shoving open his front and running his fingers over the smooth flesh of Magnus’ chest. Magnus wrapped his legs around Alec, bringing their lower halves closer together. Alec let out a gasp against Magnus’ lips as their bodies moved against each other.

From behind him, he suddenly heard a soft click and a voice say, “Do you guys have--”

Alec’s head shot around and looked in horror as Simon stood frozen in the doorway staring wide-eyed at the bed. Simon’s clothes were disheveled, his hair was flat and stuck up on one side, and he had dark circles around his now bugged out eyes.

“Can we help you?” Magnus asked, peeking over Alec’s shoulder.

“Please leave,” Alec commanded.

“Oh God,” Simon stammered out. “Oh God, I’m--I’ll just--I’m so, so sorry! I’ll go, sorry!”

Simon just about slammed the door behind him and Alec could hear the soft sounds of cursing coming from the other side. Alec let out a frustrated groan and dropped his head onto Magnus’ chest. 

“Well, that killed the mood,” Magnus stated as he gently patted Alec’s shoulder. “How do you feel about some breakfast?”

Alec rolled off of him and readjusted himself through his sweatpants before getting up out of the bed. He pursed his lips and grabbed a tank top out of his dresser drawer, quickly throwing it on as he said, “Sure.”

Magnus didn’t bother with rebuttoning his top, instead humming while he wrapped himself up in his robe. He padded out of the room ahead of Alec and into the kitchen. In the living room with his face bright pink sat Simon on one of the couches.

“Was there a reason you didn’t knock?” Magnus called out from the other room, making Simon rub his forehead in embarrassment.

“I...wasn’t thinking. I wanted to know if you had any aspirin.”

Alec crossed his arms and huffed, before going back to the bathroom and pulling out the small bottle from the mirrored medicine cabinet. Simon nearly jumped out of his skin when Alec tossed the bottle at him and it hit his chest. 

He looked up at Alec and gave him a tight smile as he said, “Thank you.”

“Whatever,” Alec said dismissively as he followed the smell of bacon beginning to waft from the kitchen.

Alec opened one can of Heinz and one can of stewed tomatoes and the couple quietly went about making a full English breakfast. Alec smiled at Magnus as he began to plate, and he recalled the first time they’d enjoyed the meal together.

_ Alec knew when he woke up that he had absolutely drank too much the night before. He covered his eyes with the crook of his arm to shield them from the morning light streaming into the bedroom and groaned. He heard Magnus chuckle beside him. _

_ “It’s not funny,” Alec told him, voice thick with sleep. _

_ He felt Magnus place a quick kiss to his forearm before the bed shifted, indicating he had gotten up.  _

_ “You stay right here. I have just the thing.” _

_ Alec rolled over and groaned in response, pressing his face into his pillow. He dozed for sometime before the smells of cooking food began to waft into the bedroom, making his stomach rumble. Alec stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen, squinting against the too-bright and cheery morning sun. Alec sat down and watched Magnus as he cooked. Magnus’ French press was already ready to go with fresh coffee, and he had set out two mugs alongside a small pot of milk. Alec poured himself a mug, smiling at the thoughtfulness of his boyfriend as he splashed in some milk. _

_ “You know, there’s a lot of bad English food,” Magnus said he topped off the two places with the fried eggs. “I spent a few weeks in England once, some years back. London was fabulous of course, but I didn’t want to be that cliche that spends all my time in the city taking in the nightlife.” _

_ He set down the plates on the breakfast bar, and Alec looked down and examined the plate in front of him, covered from edge to edge with food. It was all brown and red, between the toast, bacon, sausage, stewed tomatoes, beans, hash browns, and mushrooms. Magnus continued, “I went up the Northern Line and went around looking at all the greenery, and these old abandoned abbeys, and run down castles. A lot of drinking as well, but that I think is expected there. Beautiful country, if you like vibrant plant life, old buildings, day drinking, and grey skies.” _

_ Alec chucked and began to eat. He nodded as he enjoyed the mix of the acidic tomatoes with the fattiness of the bacon. Magnus took a small bit of his toast and dipped it in his egg yolk. “Anyway, I was hung over in Manchester and happened to walk into this hole-in-the-wall pub. Seven in the morning, and there were already old men sitting around drinking their pints while they were reading their papers. Looked pretty grubby and the people in there looked at me like I had grown a second head, but by God, they had the cheapest and most delicious English breakfast I’ve ever had.” _

_ He cut into his sausages and piled them on together with the beans, taking in the bite before saying, “I’m pretty sure they served up instant coffee with it, truly one of the worst crimes you could commit against an American. But honestly I could have married that woman serving me that day. I felt a million times better, and it’s been my go-to meal for bad hangovers ever since.” _

_ Alec smiled as he sipped his coffee. He set down the mug, taking another bite of his breakfast. _

_ “I’ve never actually been much outside of the country. We made a family trip to Niagara Falls when I was a kid, but my parents were always too busy. My dad traveled for work, so he always liked to keep to the tri-state area when he had time off,” Alec told him. _

_ Magnus hummed and kissed Alec’s temple, then said, “I would love to show you the world some time, Alexander.” _

“C’mon, Simon, before it gets cold,” Alec called as he poured coffee.

Simon shuffled in and Magnus pushed the plate and a cup of coffee in front of one of the chairs before flourishing his hand over it. Simon sat down and the three went about tucking in to their breakfasts.

“This is really good,” Simon said with his cheek full of egg and hash browns. 

“Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it,” Magnus said as he delicately took in a bite of tomatoes on toast. “I thought a hearty breakfast would be a nice way to start the day.”

Simon nodded as he shoved more food in his mouth.

“What’s the plan for today?” Alec asked and he mixed around his hashbrowns and tomatoes.

Magnus took a sip of his coffee and said, “I need to meet with some of my girls later on. Sister Zachariah said she was having some trouble with the hood on her dress, so I was going to stop by and see what sort of magic I could do.”

“‘Hood’?” Simon asked, tilting his head.

“Yes,” Magnus said pleasantly, “my part of the float is going to have a whole ‘nuns and acolytes’ sort of a theme. Everyone in drag for my part will be in habits and hoods and those that aren’t can wear as they please. After the parade, we’re going to have an afterparty at Pandemonium and all perform.”

“It’s gonna be really great,” Alec stated proudly as he reached out his hand and touched Magnus’ arm.

“It will be,” Magnus agreed. “It’ll be a long day for House Fabulousa, but it should bring a lot of attention to the club and my girls’ performances.”

“Yeah,” Simon said, “Clary said you guys would be wearing shirts with the club name on them and stuff.”

“So you knew about them,” Alec said incredulously. 

“It’s not like that, Alec,” Magnus said. “It was meant to be a surprise.”

“Clary is my best friend,” Simon said matter-of-factly. “She talked about how Jace was super gung-ho about them. What? Did they turn out bad?”

Alec winced and took a sip of his coffee, not answering. Magnus went back to his breakfast, taking another bite. Simon looked confused between them.

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” he said. “Was there something wrong with them?”

Alec sighed and got up, motioning for Simon to follow him. He took him over to the box, still in the same spot it had been in when he left to go take his shower last night. He pulled out of the shirt on top and handed it to him. Simon’s face grimaced as he examined the design, flipping it around to get a good look at the whole thing.

“I can see why you might have had a problem with this,” Simon said with a tight, crooked frown. He sighed, looking at the front and Alec’s battered image. He bit his lip and looked up at Alec, examining his face for a moment before saying, “But do you think it gets the point across? I mean, it’s a really powerful image, right? I know that night was god awful, I was there after all, and seeing this...reminds me of how bad it was. And I can only imagine how seeing this would make you feel, but...how do you think it would make other people feel? It’s shocking. And kind of draws attention to how messed up it was that it happened. The injustice of it. I think if I saw you walking down the street wearing this, I would be kind of horrified but also, like...inspired? The fact that you got attacked by the police for nothing, and then having you walking around with your head held high at the parade...I think that would be pretty cool to see.”

Alec blinked at Simon for a moment. He looked down at the box and picked up one of the shirts. He looked at his picture for a moment before turning it around and rereading the back.

**6.4.1987**

**IT WAS A RIOT**

Alec pursed his lips and nodded. He clasped Simon’s shoulder and gave him a half smile.

“Thanks.”

Simon gave him his biggest, goofiest grin and his hand on Alec’s shoulder in return. 

“Alright,” Alec said, letting go of Simon and putting the shirt back down, “let’s finish eating. I don’t want my coffee to get cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and I sincerely hope that it doesn't feel like filler, which I kind of am worried about while posting this. I wanted to explore some of Alec's emotions that he hadn't quite been letting himself deal with and hopefully people enjoy it. It again took much longer than anticipated, but I am a good chunk of the way through writing the next one so hopefully I'll have that out shortly. As always, comments and feedback are always appreciated.


	19. Chapter 18: You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)

Magnus had tried to insist that Alec not stay the night after they left the club that night. Alec wished he had done as Magnus asked and just slept at home as the blaring alarm clock jolted him from his sleep.

_ “I’m going to have to get up early to get all my makeup done and get to the parade starting area early to help set up,” Magnus said as he wiped down the bar. _

_ Pandemonium was truly pandemonium the Friday night before the Pride parade. The club had been packed full and there was glitter on just about every surface. Partygoers and dancers had spilled from the dancefloor all the way up to the significantly quieter balcony area where Magnus and Alec had been quietly talking, and danced their hearts out in spite of how much quieter the music was upstairs. He was glad they had temporarily hired out for extra security for the weeks leading up to Pride, as a few clubbers had decided to try to make “deals” to make their nights even more “fun” and there had even been a few couples who either tried to get frisky or fighty. _

_ Alec pushed the mop past Magnus as he said, “It’ll be fine. We’re both going anyway and I can be an extra set of hands that doesn’t need to worry about breaking an acrylic.”  _

The parade wasn’t set to start until noon, but Magnus needed to get up at seven in the morning to begin preparations so get his drag look done, call all of his children to make sure that they would be ready and waiting in the parade starting area at eleven, and to get there on time himself by ten to help with setting up the float. Even though Catarina's house was the one who had done the construction and had majority access to the float, Magnus and all the other mothers were still expected to come and help with any last minute set up and any potential issues with the float on the day of.

Magnus rolled over to his bedside table and hit the button to turn the alarm off and rubbed his eyes and forehead as he leaned up in bed. Alec groaned as he rolled over and curled himself around Magnus so that his face was buried in his lower back. He heard Magnus chuckle.

“Too early?” Magnus asked playfully.

“You know that thing has a ‘radio’ setting so you can have one of the stations play instead of that fucking buzzer,” Alec told him.

Magnus sighed and said, “Yes, but I know I wouldn’t wake up if it didn’t make that horrible sound.”

Magnus gently unfurled Alec from around him before getting out of bed and stretching. He reached over, grabbing his robe and telling Alec, “I’m going to get the French press going. You can sleep in for a while if you like.”

Alec pressed his face into the mattress and groaned before rolling onto his back and watching Magnus leave the room. He got up and headed into the bathroom to start the day, splashing his face with water before pulling out his razor and shaving cream. 

Over the three and a half months that he had been with Magnus, and the two months where he had essentially moved in part-time, there were more and more little things that had become his at Magnus’ place. The disposable razor and toothbrush Magnus had provided for him the first few times he had stayed over had been replaced with his own toiletry kit, and the single drawer where he had been keeping a few spare sets of clothes had expanded to a small spot in Magnus’ spacious closet specifically reserved for Alec’s things. 

He did his morning business shaving, brushing his teeth, and using the restroom before padding out and enjoying the aroma of freshly brewed coffee that filled the kitchen area. He smiled at Magnus who had pulled out two mugs and had just started pouring, before coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around him.

“Thank you,” Alec said as he craned around and kissed Magnus’ cheek.

“This one is mine,” Magnus said playfully, pulling the hot mug in close to his chest.

Alec let out a small laugh as he pulled away from Magnus and pulled the carton of milk from the fridge. Magnus sat at the breakfast bar and pulled out his cigarette case from the pocket of his robe before lighting up a cigarette.

“I don’t like to smoke when I’m in drag, especially if it’s going to be a long day like today,” Magnus said, sounding annoyed. “It always smudges my lipstick. So I’ll have to enjoy this while I can.”

Alec finished making his coffee and sat next to him, taking a long sip from his coffee before putting his hand on Magnus’ lower back.

“You’re going to do great,” Alec assured him. 

Magnus scoffed, “I know that.” He turned to Alec and kissed him, then said, “But you’re sweet for saying it.”

They enjoyed their morning coffees together before Magnus sighed, stamping out his finished cigarette butt and stood up. He went around the breakfast bar and topped off his coffee.

“As much as I would love to just stay here forever, I need to start shaving and prepping my face if I’m going to stay on schedule,” Magnus said.

Alec pouted, then told him, “I know. Do what you gotta do, I can whip up a quick breakfast. Maybe just some oatmeal?”

“Yes,” Magnus said as he padded toward the bedroom, “that should be good.”

While Alec still hadn’t done much in the way of mastering cooking, he could handle two bowls of instant Quaker Oats. By the time he had finished up boiling the kettle and letting the oats absorb the hot water to bring them into the bedroom, Magnus had just finished up his own quick shave before settling down at his vanity. He smiled, readily accepting the still steaming bowl.

“Thank you, Alexander,” he said, setting it down in front of him and spooning in a quick bite before pulling out some bottles of things Alec wasn’t quite sure did to prep his skin and glue sticks to lay down his eyebrows.

Alec observed him, eating his own bowl next to him as Magnus went between applying things and allowing them to dry while periodically eating another spoonful. By the time Magnus’ face was ready to start applying actual makeup, his bowl was finished. Alec snuck in a gentle kiss to Magnus’ lips before taking their bowls out to wash up and getting another cup of coffee for himself. 

Once he was finished, he let out a breath and headed over to the box in the living room. He stared down into it for a moment before finally leaning down and rifling through the shirts to find his size. He bit his lip once he found it and gingerly pulled it out. He stared down at his face looking back up at him for a moment before squeezing his eyes shut and blindly pulling on the shirt. He looked down and smoothed his hands over his chest. The fit was nice and the fabric was soft, albeit a little stiffer where the design was. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before shaking off the tension he hadn’t realized he had begun to feel in his shoulders. 

He walked back into the bedroom, quickly passing Magnus and into the bathroom. He turned on the tap, wetting his hair and grabbing some mousse to fluff it up and style it. At the edge of his vision was his own face on his chest. Alec tried seeing it but ignoring it while he worked his fingers through his hair, trying to numb himself to the image. He recalled how one of his mother’s friends was always going on and on about psychotherapy and tried to remember some of the things she had rambled on about when he was still living with his parents.

_ What’s it called? Exposure therapy? _

Once he got his hair to how he liked it, he went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Magnus looked at him through the mirror as he worked his eyeshadow on. He paused his hand for a moment, putting down his brush.

“You’re wearing the shirt,” Magnus said.

Alec bit his lip and put his hand on his chest. “Yeah. I don’t...it’s hard to look at, but I’m trying to get over it.”

Magnus turned in his chair to look at him. “You don’t have to wear it. I wouldn’t be upset, and I’m sure no one else would be.”

“No,” Alec said. “I think I should. And I think people should be upset by it. I don’t like it, but I think a lot of other people wouldn’t like it either. It’s an ugly picture of an ugly thing that happened. I’m upset about it. And I think other people should be upset too. And I hate that I feel how I do about it. I felt so...weak. I don’t want to feel weak anymore.”

“You’re not weak, Alexander. The amount of strength I’ve seen in you takes my breath away sometimes. You're so strong, and you make me want to be stronger,” he told him. “And in spite of how scary it was seeing you like that...that shirt fits you very nicely. And I think that scar suits you.”

Alec raised a brow and gave him a half smile. “You got a thing for bad boys? Should I get a motorcycle so I can have you ride around on the back with me while you wear my leather jacket?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Magnus said playfully as he turned back around to the mirror, his eyes watching him through the reflection. “As punk as it would be to show up late and with both of us covered in my makeup, I need to look fabulous today.”

“You’re right. Can’t have you being more punk than me,” Alec joked as he leaned back on the bed onto his elbows. “I’m supposed to be the bad boy who’s a big softie at heart and you’re supposed to be the gorgeous one on my arm who breaks through my rough exterior, right? We can’t both be Danny Zuko.”

Looking at Alec’s reflection on the bed in the mirror, he smiled fondly at Alec.

“I love you,” he said.

Alec smiled back at Magnus’ reflection and said, “I love you, too.”

They sat together like that as Magnus worked his makeup on, making small chat about recently read articles or things they heard on the radio. Alec had always loved watching Magnus work, the artistry that went into what it was doing. The way he could use colors, powders, and pencils to make himself look almost like a completely different person. Today, he was going for a full rainbow eye look that should really pop against the contrast of his black habit.

“You’re not worried about sweating it off in the sun?” Alec asked.

“Oh, I am certain that I will,” Magnus said as he carefully began drawing on new eyebrows half an inch above where his real eyebrows normally were. “I’m going to have to ask you to carry a bag for me today with spare supplies to fix myself back up before we go to the club. We won’t have any time to come back here after the parade.”

Alec nodded, and said, “At least the club should get a ton of business.”

“That it will,” Magnus said softly, trying not to move his face too much as he penciled in a matching brow on the other side. Once he finished, he spoke again, “Though, speaking of business. I had an idea a few nights ago, and I was curious about your thoughts on it.”

Alec furrowed his brows and huffed out a laugh. “You know that I’m not a business guy. I didn’t even go to college. I’m just some loser in a third-rate punk covers band.”

Magnus waved his hand dismissively. “You sell yourself short. You have a great mind AND your experience and expertise is exactly what I’m interested in, in regards to this endeavor.” 

“What is it?” Alec asked as he leaned forward.

“Well, I was looking into some of the business aspects of the music industry,” Magnus began as he took one of his bigger brushes and began applying powders around his face. “So bands need labels in order to make records. Not to say they can’t go without, but labels do everything with the providing a recording space and promoting the artists and things like that, right?”

Alec shrugged and said, “Basically, yeah. There’s more to it than that, but if you boil it down, that’s what labels do.”

“And there’s different labels that focus on different aspects of music,” Magnus said. “For example, Madonna and Def Leppard aren’t on the same label.”

“Yeah, you can have some that are under sub labels of the same company, but their specific label is usually focused on a particular genre,” Alec responded.

“Yes, that is my understanding, but a little beyond the point here,” Magnus said, waving his free hand before stopping to turn and look directly at Alec. “Anyway, I was looking through some magazines when I noticed something. Then I went looking through a few public records to confirm my suspicions. Alexander, did you know that there is no gay-oriented or gay-owned record label in New York City?”

Alec looked at him, confused. “I can’t say I ever thought about it.”

“You should,” Magnus said, smirking, “because  _ that _ is a niche. It’s a totally untapped market. Sure, there’s a few small labels on the West Coast, but none on the East Coast, and none in the largest city in the United States.”

Alec cocked his head, watching Magnus for a moment before he said, “So, you want to start a gay record label?”

Magnus’ smirk widened into a grin, “Yes. I think that this could be a great business opportunity. I have a good chunk of money tucked away, most of the bail money from the raid has been returned to me, and the club has been making a killing the past few weeks. So I should have all of the liquid assets up front to rent a studio space and hire out to a sound designer. And,” Magnus stood from his chair and leaned over Alec, “there’s this great unsigned band I really like that has the hottest drummer I’ve ever seen.”

Alec felt like a fish, his mouth opening and closing and unable to find any words. He reached his hand up and placed it on the middle of Magnus’ chest, then leaned up and kissed him. Magnus brought his hand up to Alec’s cheek, gently caressing his face, and Alec gripped the front of Magnus’ robe and deepened the kiss. Magnus hummed contentedly before breaking the kiss.

“I’m glad I wait to put on my lipstick for last,” Magnus panted out against Alec’s face. “But I’ll take that to mean that you’re interested.”

“In more ways than one,” Alec said as he pressed one last peck to Magnus’ lips.

Magnus laughed and pulled away from him to go back to his vanity. “You are too cute for your own good, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. I’m nearly finished up with this, then I need to start making those calls.”

“Then to the parade we go?” Alec asked.

“Yes,” Magnus said as he pulled out a small puff and began pressing it around his mouth where some of the makeup had smudged during their kiss. “Then we go.”

***

Magnus’ apartment and Pandemonium was near where the end of the parade was set to be, so it took them some time to walk to the starting area.

“Getting a cab right now would be a nightmare, since they’re already closing down some of the streets for the parade,” Magnus told him as they walked. “And getting on the subway in drag is just asking for trouble. It’s only a half an hour walk to the starting area anyways.”

Magnus hadn’t put on his full outfit yet, opting to get changed into the outfit he was carrying in a garment bag in the starting area. Alec carried the rest of Magnus’ things, including the shoes he was set to wear, in the gym bag he had slung across his shoulders.

The parade was set to start around Tompkins Square Park and make a large U around Lower Manhattan before ending up in Greenwich Village. While Pandemonium wasn’t exactly along the parade route, it would be close enough to it and the fact that there would be several people walking around with the logo for it on their chests would advertise it further.

“It’s gonna be a long day,” Alec said as he readjusted the bag. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright in these heels all day?”

“Alec, I’ll be fine,” Magnus told him as they began to approach the starting area. Magnus cursed under his breath suddenly and said in a low voice, “Though it looks like today just got a whole lot longer.”

Alec looked at him confused and followed his gaze to a quickly approaching man. He was medium build with a black goatee and his dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and he was smirking at them as he walked toward them. Magnus straightened up, tilting his chin up high and smirking back as the stranger came up to them.

“Mother Magenta,” the man greeted coolly. “Already late, I see.”

“ _ Fashionably _ so, Mother Lucretia,” Magnus said, matching the man’s icy tone. “After all, there needs to be someone here who is.”

Alec furrowed his brow and looked down at his watch. It was only a quarter past ten, so he knew they were only a few minutes behind schedule. 

“So, how is  _ Newark _ treating you these days?” Magnus asked.

The man pursed his lips. “Jersey is great. The scene is really starting to take off now that I’m there, but I thought it would be nice to come to the city to watch the parade. I only was stopping by the float to say ‘hello’ before setting up my spot. I still do have  _ some _ friends here, after all.”

“Ah,” Magnus said, “yes, it is much easier to create a new scene than lead an established one. Honestly, I admire you. Takes a big man to go out there, leaving the big city behind and forging a new path like that. We’re all very  _ proud _ .”

“Yes, I have had to work quite hard to build the scene there. It wasn’t  _ handed _ to me on a silver platter.” The man turned his gaze to Alec, his smirk widening as he eyed him. “And you must be Magenta’s new man. I’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” Alec said politely, holding out his hand to the other man who took it and gave it a quick shake. “Alec Lightwood.”

“Lorenzo Rey, such a pleasure to meet you,” he replied. He turned back to Magnus. “He’s very charming. And so  _ young _ , much younger than your last one.”

“He is a charmer, isn’t he? He certainly captured my heart,” Magnus said as he looped his arm around Alec’s. “ _ Some _ of us are still able to attract handsome young men. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got quite a bit to do today.  _ So _ lovely seeing you.”

“And you,” Lorenzo said as he wandered off.

Magnus continued walking toward the starting area with his arm in Alec’s. Alec leaned over to him and asked in a low voice, “What was that all about?”

“A former sister of mine,” Magnus replied, sounding annoyed. “She was one of the old Mother Fabulousa’s favorites before I came along and had assumed that when she passed that she would inherit everything from her. Instead, I got her properties and she got her old wardrobe. Just about flipped her shit over it. She left House Fabulousa when I took over and started up her own house in Jersey,  _ House Sapientia _ . She  _ would _ come up with a name that pretentious sounding.” 

Alec unlooped his arm from Magnus’, instead wrapping it around his waist as he walked. 

“Hey,” Alec said into his ear, “are you really going to let some old feud ruin your big day? You’ve worked so hard for this. Forget about him. You’re going to be amazing.”

Magnus cracked a small smile and looked at Alec. “You’re right. I’m being petty. Though, if I can be petty for just a second more: I am still better looking than her.”

Alec let out a laugh.

“Yes,” he agreed. “You are the most gorgeous person here.”

Magnus’ smile widened and he said, “Alexander, you know how to make a girl feel good.”

“Play your cards right,” Alec said in a low voice as they finally reached their float, “and I just might show you how good later.”

Magnus’ eyes widened, but he couldn’t respond as various people Alec vaguely recognized from the club began pulling him away to take care of things.

Alec looked at the float. He hadn’t gotten to see the float in anything other than the original concept designs that Magnus had shown him. There were four sections for the four major drag houses, but he knew that other drag houses would be walking alongside the float. From what Magnus had described to him from previous years, it was almost like having a mini-drag parade in the middle of the Pride parade. 

The overall theme that the four major groups had gone with was ‘institutions’. He could tell Magnus’ portion right away with its black and grey paper mache done up to look like church steeples and coated in rainbow glitter to give the appearance of stained glass. Amongst the faux-steeples was a wooden and red velvet chair done up to look like a throne, and he knew that was where Magnus would be sitting during the parade. The one beside his was done all in white, with the exception of what looked like a hospital bed that had been covered in splatters of rainbow paint. The one kitty corner to Magnus’ was also all in grey, but instead of steeples it had been designed to look like the financial district with all squared off and industrial-looking paper mache buildings. Finally, behind Magnus’ was what looked like the New York City supreme court building.

Buzzing all around were people done up to look like exaggerations of nurses in pumps, judges in skin-tight robes, businesswoman with high shoulder pads and even higher hair, and nuns in habits that barely reached their thighs. Magnus disappeared from his sight, and Alec got to work doing as Catarina bid him.

Before meeting her, he had no idea that there were women who did drag. Though she went by the stage name ‘Doctor Charles’, he had never actually heard anyone call her that like how many of Magnus’ children would refer to him as ‘Magenta’. At first he wasn’t sure why she had become a drag mother, because she was so unlike any of the drag queens he had met. After getting to know her though, he understood how integral she was in the community and why young drag queens were so drawn to her. She had a calming demeanor, was always ready to help, and the fact that she was an actual registered nurse more than willing to help without judgement all worked to make her appeal as a mother figure obvious.

_ “There are a lot of medical professionals out there,” Catarina told him the first time they met. “Not all of them are so willing to help gay and AIDS patients. Some of them won’t go into their rooms.” _

She was done up in full doctor’s attire now, with faux hair coming out of the top of her scrubs, shoulder pads that squared off her shoulders, her hair pulled back into a long ponytail at the base of her head, and a fake mustache painted on.

“Yeah, can you lift it a little higher on the right side?” she directed as Alec held up the sign that needed to be mounted to the top of the glittered-up and painted truck that was set to pull the float along.

“Here?” Alec asked as he maneuvered it.

“Perfect!” she said before stepping up and taping it still with gaffer’s tape that she then covered back up the flags that hung to either side of the banner.

In big, bold pink font, the banner simply read:

**Drag Queens of NYC**

“So why is it specifically drag ‘queens’?” Alec asked her. “You’re a drag king.”

She shrugged. “I’m fine using the umbrella. Besides, what girl didn’t want to be a princess when she was a little girl? Now I get to be called a queen.”

As he helped her step down from the truck bed, Alec could hear his name being called. He turned around to see where the voice came from and he could see his friends approach. Jace was beaming and waving his arms while Izzy, Clary, and Simon trailed him. Jace clasped his arms around him and patted him on the back before pulling away and grinning down at the shirt.

“Glad to see you guys made it,” Alec told them.

“We wouldn’t miss this for the world, Alec,” Izzy said as she pulled Alec into a hug. “This is my brother’s first parade, what kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t there?”

“It looks so good!” Simon gushed as he pointed at the float. “And everyone looks great!”

“Yeah!” Clary agreed. “Where’s Magnus though? We kind of were wandering around and didn’t see him.”

“He’s around, making finishing touches,” Alec informed them, then looked down at his watch. “We’re still an hour or so out from when things start moving, so there’s time.”

He looked them over. Unsurprisingly Izzy was adorned in Alec’s face while Jace and Clary wore shirts with Jace’s bruised mug on it. What did surprise him was seeing Simon wearing Maia’s face on his chest. Alec pointed to him, wordlessly asking the question. Simon looked down and put his hands on the design.

“Yeah, she gave it to me,” he said. “We stopped by the PFLAG group and she noticed I didn’t have one and she had brought a spare to give to Raphael after the parade.”

“We’ll be close to Magnus’ place,” Alec said. “I’m sure I could stop by and grab one of mine on the way to Pandemonium.”

Jace tapped him on the shoulder. “See, I knew you’d love it. We look so good!”

“‘Good’ is relative,” Alec said, reaching to his pocket, palming his cigarette case. “But at least we look pretty cool.”

They didn’t have much more to do after that. Everything had been set up and was waiting to go. Alec finally saw Magnus again about a quarter past eleven, now fully done up in his costume. 

The material of his short dress was heavy looking and black, but it had been threaded through with silver threads so that he glimmered in the late-morning New York sun. The fabric coming down from his long sleeves was so long that it trailed almost all the way to his knees. Across his chest was the logo for Pandemonium done in red, gold, and orange glitters. The way it caught in the light, it almost looked like his chest was on fire. His habit was huge, black with a light see-through fabric flowing all around it, and his black platform heels were so tall that he stood a couple of inches above Alec. In his hands he held a small box.

“Wow,” Clary said as he walked up to join where they were standing. “You look amazing.”

“You are too sweet as always, Biscuit,” Magnus said, giving her a small smile before looking around at the other members of The Shadowhunters. “Now, I do have a task for all of you while we walk.”

He opened up the box, revealing a large stack of fliers, and he pulled out small bundles of the leaflettes and handed them to each of them. Alec flipped it around to look at it and read it. It had the Pandemonium logo written on it along with the address and hours of the club on one side and on the other side it advertised a half-priced drink with the flyer.

“It is a time honored tradition for floats to pass things out,” he informed them, “so I need you to give these to parade watchers while we walk.”

Jace held up the stack. “Do these things really work? Seems like a waste of paper.”

Magnus smirked. “You would be surprised. If you thought we were busy on Thursday, you’re not going to believe what you’ll see tonight.”

He turned to Alec and asked, “Alexander, could you help me get up onto the float? It’s a bit of an endeavour in these shoes.”

Alec put his hand on Magnus’ lower back as they walked away from the group toward the float. As they reached the edge of the float, Magnus turned to face Alec and put his hand on Alec’s chest.

“Are you ready for this?” Magnus asked in a low voice. “This is your first Pride after all.”

“Yeah,” Alec replied, moving his hand to Magnus’ hip. “I’m pretty excited, actually. My family watches the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade every year, but I’ve never been in a parade before.”

“I’m glad I get to be here for your first parade then,” Magnus said with a small smile on his face. “How are you liking things so far?”

Alec looked around briefly, then said, “Seeing all of the different floats waiting to go and all the people dressed up walking around...everything looks amazing. Especially my boyfriend.”

Magnus playfully rolled his eyes. “Stop being such a flirt before you end up covered with lipstick.”

“Not even a little bit of lipstick?” Alec teased.

“Unfortunately Misty Plum isn’t your color. Now, help me up.”

***

It was a while after noon when they could finally move out. Out of all of the groups set to participate in the parade, the drag float was closer to the back in line so they had to wait before they could go ahead onto the parade route. Alec was grateful that the float ahead of them had a speaker system attached to the backside of their float so at least while they waited around for it to start they could listen to some music. Once they started finally moving, the beats helped get Alec further get into the mood to start walking. Up on the float next to him, he could see Magnus sit up straighter in his throne, crossing his long legs and raising his chin up high.

Towards the beginning of the route, there were only a few people in lawn chairs and standing in staggered groups along the walkways. However as they got farther along, more groups and more people eventually were all standing along the barriers around the parade route. Walking and handing out flyers really made him examine how many different kinds of people would be interested in something like the Pride parade. There were people in all kinds of different costumes holding flags and wearing all kinds of different costumes and makeup. Alec was shocked at how excited Jace seemed to be, beaming ear-to-ear as he walked along passing out flyers to parade watchers and showing off his shirt. From atop the float Magnus looked poised, demeure, and seductive, and Alec frequently caught himself throwing glances his way. Though he was only one of four drag queens on top of the float, Alec felt as if Magnus could have been the only one up there. The magnitude of his presence demanded that people look at him.

From farther up in the parade, a chant began to rise up:

**2 - 4 - 6 - 8** **  
** **How do you know your brother’s straight?** ****  
**2 - 4 - 6 - 8** **  
** **How do you know your sister’s straight?**

He turned to Izzy walking beside him, who shrugged at him before taking up the chant as well. As they walked farther on, Alec realized why the chant had started up. Just as they started rounding one of the turns on the parade route, he could hear someone shouting something through a megaphone.

_ Counter protesters. _

He was aware of the fact that there would be counter protesters. Apparently they came to most of the big LGBT events holding up signs.

_ “Honestly,” Magnus told him as he flicked his cigarette ash into the glass tray, “it’s almost a tradition at this point. They come with megaphones and poster boards about how sinful we are and we throw glitter around and show them what they’re missing out on.”  _

_ “Doesn’t it bother you?” Alec asked. _

_ “It used to really bother me, especially when I had friends dying while they shouted about how they were all burning in Hell,” Magnus said. “Now it’s more of a nuisance than anything. We can’t stop them from reading out Bible verses and shouting about how awful we are, and they can’t stop us from marching and chanting right back. Same old song and dance every year.” _

_ Alec took a drag from his cigarette and looked down at his lap. “So there’s nothing we can do to stop them?” _

_ Magnus put his hand on Alec’s cheek. “Unfortunately not. All we can do is piss them off.” _

Alec looked up to Magnus, who was performing a cool demeanor, but Alec could see the annoyance on his face. 

_ There is one way we could really piss them off. _

Alec caught his eye and raised a brow at him. Magnus gave him a confused look and Alec smirked at him. He handed the last remaining leaflets he was holding to Jace before he walked over to the edge of the float, putting his hands up on the edge. Magnus gave him a small grin and stood up from his throne. Alec smiled, climbing up on top of the float as they began to near the counter protesters. Magnus reached out his hands to help him up and get over to where he was standing amidst the faux steeples. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and pulled him into a kiss. He could hear cheers, laughter, and more angry shouting through the megaphone, but he ignored them all. He could feel Magnus’ weight shift, presumably he was lifting a leg, and Alec moved with him into a dip. Alec broke the kiss and looked down at him. Magnus was looking up astounded at him, but didn’t say a word.

“Magnus, I do believe you’re speechless,” he said with a smirk before he brought them back upright.

“I’m a lot of things right now, Alexander,” he said in a breathy voice, pulling him into one last kiss before Alec pulled away from him and jumped back down off of the float.

Jace clapped him around the shoulders when he reached the ground again. He threw up a fist into the air as he shouted, “I’m proud of my gay brother!”

Soon enough, they reached the staging area near the end of the parade. It was the most crowded along the sidelines, with a temporary bleachers section set up for judges and observers to take a moment to look at the float and have it the concept of each participant’s presentation explained. 

Alec could hear the presenters on the microphone announce as they arrived:

“ **And here we have New York City’s drag scene, showing us that there truly are gay people in every facet of life! Up on top, we have the powerful Mrs. Black rising up for equal employment everywhere! The gracious First Lady Hypatia standing up for gay liberation in the capital! The dashing Doctor Charles appealing for equal medical treatment by health officials! And finally, the enchanting Mother Superior Magenta calling for interfaith acceptance! Give a hand for all of the stunningly gorgeous drag queens that the big apple has to offer!** ”

The crowd began giving cheers and stomping their feet on the bleachers. Jace took the last of his stack and threw it out over the crowd, leafs flying out over them.

“ **And I can see a few are representing Club Pandemonium as well! As some of you may know, Pandemonium is a gay bar owned by Magenta that was recently the subject of a police raid! Here we can see how we cannot and will not be broken by systemic injustice or the homophobic NYPD!** ”

Jace let out a roar and grabbed Alec and Simon’s hands and threw them up in the air. The crowd responded to Jace’s energy and enthusiasm by roaring back. The feeling of standing there in front of the crowd of cheering faces reminded him of all those sets they played, but this time it wasn’t in the darkness of the club behind his kit. In the bright New York afternoon, seeing people smiling and excited, he could feel a swell of pride in his chest. Alec felt a huge grin find itself on his face and he let out a cheer.

Before he knew it, they began to move again to finish up the last leg of the parade. As they walked along, there were fewer and fewer people standing along the sides. Izzy came up to him and wrapped her arms around his side as they walked on. He put an arm around her shoulders and looked down at her.

“That was amazing!” she exclaimed. 

“Yeah, it really was,” he agreed. “I didn’t know it would be like that. It’s so different than watching.”

From the sideline as they got to the very end of the parade, he could suddenly hear his name being called. He looked over to wear the voice came from and he just about stopped dead in his spot.

“Is that Mom?” he heard Izzy say.

She began to gently pull him toward where Maryse and Max were waving from the sideline. Shocked, he followed closely behind her.

“Alec, Isabelle!” Maryse called out. “What on earth are you wearing?”

_ This is so surreal. My mom sees me walking in a gay parade and she criticizes my outfit. _

“Jace had them made,” Izzy informed her. “We wanted to wear them.”

“They are a bit grim though, don’t you think?” she asked, putting her hands on Alec and Izzy’s shoulders.

In a low voice, Maryse said, “Alec, you have lipstick all over your face.”

Alec rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand and skipped straight to the point, asking, “What are you doing here, Mom? I thought you said you weren’t ready.”

“Certainly, not to walk,” she agreed. “But I wanted to be here for the parade.”

“There are many people here!” Max said. “And they keep giving out free stuff!”

“Yeah?” Alec said, smiling at his little brother. “Did you get anything cool?”

“It’s like Halloween, but they come to you instead of you going to them!” he exclaimed, holding out a small plastic bag. “I got a bunch of Smarties and Dum Dums if you want to trade them for anything you got.”

“That sounds great, Max!” he said, ruffling Max’s hair. “For right now though, we have to go meet up with our group and help with taking down the float. Do you...wanna come with us?”

“That would be so cool! Can we, Mom?” Max asked, looking up at Maryse.

Alec regarded his mother carefully. She was frozen for a moment, before she took in a deep breath through her nose, as if to steel herself.

“I don’t see why not,” Maryse said with a small smile and in a careful voice.

They followed behind Alec and Izzy as they walked to where the float had been parked and people were working around it to dismantle it and make it safe to take on regular roads again. Alec and Izzy led the way as Maryse and Max held hands and followed them. Alec tried his best to watch his mother’s face as they walked toward it. Her eyes were the only thing that gave away her apprehension.

He spotted Magnus in the distance talking to Clary and he waved to try to get his attention. He saw his head tilt over to look in their direction before he began to walk toward them. 

“Alexander,” he said as he approached, “Izzy, I see you brought some guests.”

“They were watching the parade, and our little brother was interested in getting to see some of it up close,” Izzy explained.

“Ah,” Magnus exclaimed as he leaned over to Max, “so you’re Max. I’m so happy I got to meet you before you go back to school. Did you like the parade?”

“Yeah!” he exclaimed. “It didn’t have any really big balloons like the one on Thanksgiving, but I got a lot of stuff.”

“Ooh,” Magnus replied. “I heard some of the other floats were giving away candy. Did you get anything good?”

“Yeah, one of the ladies with the motorcycles gave me some Skittles,” Max explained.

“The Dy--ladies on bikes, yes. They’re very nice,” Magnus said, catching himself. He stood back up right and said, “Well, I guess we should give them the tour! Oh, also, Alexander, I need some of the supplies from my bag. I was definitely sweating up there and I likely need to do a touch up.”

“Yes,” Maryse said. “Your lipstick appears to have...smeared.”

Izzy failed to cover up a snort of laughter at that.

“Right,” Magnus said tensely. “Let’s go, the others are waiting for us.”

Alec smirked and linked his arm with Magnus’ as they walked together towards where the others were. Maryse walked up beside Magnus.

“Magnus,” she began, “I knew you liked wearing makeup, but I...didn’t know you were a female impersonator.” 

“I prefer the term ‘drag queen’,” Magnus corrected. “I don’t think many would look at me and mistake me for a woman.”

“Interesting,” Maryse said. “I wasn’t aware there was a difference. Maybe we could go out to dinner some time and you could explain it to me?”

Alec widened his eyes while Magnus could barely withhold his delight.

“I would love that,” he said, tightening his grip on Alec’s arm.

***

After Maryse and Max parted ways from them, they stopped quickly at Magnus’ place to grab a shirt for Raphael before they began the walk to Pandemonium. Magnus was back to looking impeccable, choosing not to change out of his shoes and standing tall beside Alec.

“That went...amazing,” Alec said to him, still feeling a little flabbergasted by the whole experience.

“I can hardly believe it myself,” Magnus replied. “We should have won best float. Alexander, we were robbed!”

Alec let out a small laugh. “Hard to compete against half-naked dancers in firefighter costumes. We still got second place though.”

“Now I know how we should dress you up next year,” Magnus said with a wink.

Alec bumped his shoulder against Magnus’. “I don’t think so. Maybe later when it’s just you and me--”

“Please stop,” Maia interrupted from behind them. “We don’t want to know any of this.”

Clary turned and looked bashfully at them and said, “I don’t mind.”

Magnus let out a throaty laugh and Alec rolled his eyes.

“Did everyone have a good time?” Magnus asked.

“Hell yeah,” Jace said. “That fuckin’ ruled!”

“It was really cool,” Simon agreed.

“Good, I’m glad everyone had a good time,” Maia said. “Tonight is going to be a lot of work, but it should still be a blast.”

“It is every year,” Magnus said. “My girls should be joining us about an hour or so after the club opens up so we can get ready for the show.” 

“I’ve never actually gotten to see the show,” Izzy said. “It always felt like...Alec’s  _ thing _ and I figured he didn’t want to have his sister hanging around for it.”

“Then you’re all in for a treat,” Maia said, smile widening.

***

The night was indeed a treat. Magnus was on perfect form during the performance, going through dance moves like his body was designed specifically for it. In spite of how restrictive his outfit was and how tall his shoes were, he moved as if he wasn’t wearing anything at all. 

The club was indeed more packed than Alec had ever seen it. While The Shadowhunters had ended up on the balcony and watched from up on high, so had about two dozen other patrons, with more customers still unable to get inside and waiting in line for others to leave before they could go in. He watched, captivated by the performance and prouder of Magnus than he thought possible. It was clear to him that years of building goodwill in the community and the countless hours of hard work that he had put into developing his business and his own personal performing skills had all led to this.

_ I’m so lucky. Where would I even be right now if I hadn’t found him? _

Probably still in the closet. Probably still pining over his straight best friend. Probably still miserable. He definitely would not be in Pandemonium watching his boyfriend dancing like nobody’s business. He leaned over the railing, crying out and hollering along with the crowd after each number.

“He’s really good,” Jace said over the music as Magnus launched into his next number.

“He is,” Alec agreed.

“I never would have thought this would be your type,” he said. “But you guys are really good together.”

“Same for you and Clary,” Alec told him, making Jace smile. “I’m happy for you two, too.”

Jace turned to Clary on his other side, wrapping an arm around her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. To his other side, he could see Izzy and Simon holding hands and watching the performance intently. He wasn’t sure exactly what was going on there, but at least Simon was a good guy. 

_ Izzy could destroy that boy _ , he thought and laughed to himself.

Magnus finished off his set and Alec set about going through the crowd to meet him as he got off of the stage. Alec held out a hand to help him step down and put his arms around Magus’ waist. Magnus grinned and put his hands on Alec’s chest.

“Magnus Bane, I love you.”

“I love you, too, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Magnus leaned in to give him a small peck, but Alec pulled him in closer, not caring for a moment about the lipstick he would have to wipe off later.

And he couldn’t have been happier.


	20. Epilogue: Take Me I'm Yours

**A Year And A Half Later**

“Oh, this place looks wonderful, Magnus!” Maryse said as Alec to push in her chair.

“I’m glad you like it!” he replied. “I may look like just another glittery queen walking down the street in his mother’s kitten heels, but I am ever interested in new opening ventures. Beneath this fabulous designer jacket lies the heart of a stuffy businessman. My good friend McDang convinced me that Thai fusion restaurants are going to be the next big ‘thing’.”

The restaurant was small but cozy, lit by soft incandescent bulbs inside paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling and was furnished with dark wooden tables and chairs with red velvet curtains trimmed with gold fabric hanging from the walls. 

“You look beautiful, Mom,” Alec said as he sat down next to Magnus and Maryse.   
“Yes!” Magnus proclaimed. “I think being an unshackled woman suits you well. I’m sure you’ve got suitors lining up out the door!”

Maryse looked coyly downward, clearly trying to hide the smile that had crept its way onto her face. Magnus’ eyes flitted over to Alec for a moment, an amused look on his face.

“Unless you already do…” he said, trying to tease whatever secret she had out of her.

Maryse sighed happily. “It’s all very new. The divorce only went through a month ago, it feels so strange to start dating again after nearly 25 years with the same man but...I met someone.”

“What’s he like? Tell us everything,” Magnus commanded.

Her grin widened. “I met him when he was serving drinks at a function I went to for one of the women in my gardening club. I meant to go out and mingle with my girlfriends, but I thought he was just so handsome and interesting. I didn’t leave the bar, I was so enraptured by him, and I was so certain I had embarrassed myself fawning over him the whole night, but then he gave me his number.”

She let out a giggle that made her look and sound at least a decade younger than she was. “I was worried it was too soon since the divorce, but he’s also somewhat of a recent widower, so we’re both figuring it out together. He’s so sweet, and funny, and handsome. Oh, I think you guys will just love him.”

“I’m sure we will, Mom,” Alec assured her.

She suddenly gasped, reaching for her purse. “You will never guess what I saw when I was in Border’s the other day!”

She began digging through her bag before pulling out a cassette tape. Alec recognized it immediately as The Shadowhunters’ debut album,  _ The Mortal Instruments _ . Jace had stuck to his guns on putting their mugshots on the paper insert of the case.

_ “It’s a punk rock album! What is more punk than an album with our own mugshots on them?” _

“I still don’t really like the picture, but this is incredible! It’s actually in a store!” she exclaimed.

“Mom, you didn’t have to buy it,” Alec told her. “We would have just given you one if you wanted it.”

“No, I did,” she said. “It’s my children’s first album, I had to buy it.”

“And? What did you think?” Magnus asked.

“Oh, this just isn’t my kind of music,” she said dismissively. “But I had to get it anyway. And I’m so glad to get to see you before you head out on tour.”

“It’s just a small tour,” Alec said. “We’re still very much a local band.”

“Though, I’ve heard that it’s been getting some buzz in Europe,” Magnus chimed in. “We could try sending you guys out there once the East Coast tour is finished up and really capitalize on that.”

“That would still be a while away,” Alec said, trying not to get over excited at the concept. “It would be amazing, but I don’t think that the sale numbers could really justify that right now. Plus, it’d be so far from home. At least if we’re playing shows in D.C. and Philly, it’s not so that much longer to get back here.”

“They could,” Magnus said. “The album only just launched. If we play our cards right, it could really get big. You really poured your heart into this and I believe in you guys. Besides, it’s not like they don’t have phones in Europe. And I’ve been meaning to take a vacation for a while now. I’ve heard wonderful things about summers in France.”

She smiled, setting down the tape onto the table, and reached out over the table and took Magnus’ hand in her left hand and Alec’s into her right.

“Oh, my boys! I’m so proud of you two. This place and this life you’re building together. I know I haven’t always been the mother I should have been, stuck on ideas about your lifestyle and what that entailed. But I was wrong. Seeing you grow together, how you treat each other, and how good you are for one another...I’m so happy you two found each other.”

Alec felt a lump rise up into his throat and he looked over to Magnus, who was holding out the hand Maryse wasn’t holding. Alec smiled and took it.

“Me too, Mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a journey! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. This has been a fantastic experience all around and I've loved getting to interact with all of you over the weeks I've been writing this. I never thought my passion for creative writing would come back so suddenly, nor that it would end up being this fruitful. Thank you!
> 
> I have made a whole playlist of all of the chapter titles. I very intentionally took them from songs in or before 1987 and have had the headcannon that these were songs that they remixed into a punk style and performed: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvuZy8nph1QYM6r753h0R_86aCUiD0W8w


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